Miserly partner

[AnnaTomy]

My partner would describe himself as frugal. He retired at 58 - 7 years ago after a lifetime working all over the world as an engineer. I've known him 5 years. He's got money in pension funds he won't claim from, has a stash of cash and property abroad (that he rents and gives the proceeds to his adult son). He recently sold his home that he never lived in as he was always lodging with relatives. I'm 60 now but can't afford not to work. He's living in my tiny terraced house and thinks buying food (some not all) is good enough to pay his way. Meanwhile, I'm grafting 45 hours a week in a very stressful job that I'm desperate to get out of and find something else. I have a long commute and sometimes get back home to basic household jobs that he should have done. Am I being unreasonable or is he taking the p*?

Are you quite nuts? I mean honestly. Why on earth can you let yourself be USED in this way.

He's a cocklodger, and he's found someone who's a soft touch. No wonder he's rich. I bet you're not the first.

Honestly @AnnaTomy what positives are you getting from this "relationship"? This "frugal" man/selfish miser doesn't seem to care for you at all, from your posts.

Why would you have him in your home enjoying all the home comforts whilst he contributes virtually nothing financially or emotionally whilst you work long hours and when he is costing you extra work, mental and physical energy, food, utilities, council tax (because you no longer get the 25% single occupier discount) leaves you with all the chores to do - to which he does contribute - and makes you press him for his part of any holidays which you've initially paid for from your own funds?

It sounds like he's using you as a billet in a long line of billets in the past where he might no longer be welcome.

Sorry OP but surely you are worth more than this?

BTW: Your question provides its own answer.
Am I being unreasonable or is he taking the p?

The answers are NO and YES in that order.

Hope you have the strength to turf him out soon.

Also could you bear to have a regular lodger (post lockdown) to bring in some extra money to top up your retirement fund?

Best wishes for a better future. 🌷

Would you consider moving in somewhere neutral with him? Rather than have him at your place. Wealthy people are often well off because they are tight & spend other people's money. He clearly has form by the sound of it.

Work out a figure you need & think is reasonable and tell him that's what he needs to pay each month. If he doesn't like it he'll go. Simples.

He would describe himself as frugal when in fact he’s a sponging tight-arse!

Agree that it doesn’t sound like he brings any joy to your life. Suggest this sap-sucking parasite finds himself another host!

No matter what his financial situation is, it’s clear he’s abusing his privilege with you. Total cocklodger.

As for the properties, it all sounds a bit suspect. If he has bought rentals/investments before, then I struggle to understand why he would have sold the home here rather than rent it out also and make an income off it - he could have simply moved to something smaller and cheaper and he’d likely still have been clearing a few hundred a month

Honestly. Either have 'a talk' with him about the financial situation (and if you can't raise the subject then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him anyway) or get rid of him and get a dog or a cat. They will also cost you money but you will get affection in return. And they won't affect CT discount.

Get him told he needs to pay his way.

Cheeky cocklodging fucker.

And he’s giving his son money to boot, ffs, unbelievable. You sort him out or he can move out OP.

He's a parasite.

OP, several posters have asked you what you get out of this relationship. I would like to know too.
It’s tough if you have low self-esteem but that in no way means you should put up with someone who likely makes you feel even worse overall. Knowing that he is taking advantage of you is not going to make you feel great is it?
There are decent people out there and he doesn’t sound like one. You’d have more money to enjoy and spend on yourself and doing things with friends if you didn’t have to support him too.

Why are you with him?

Just boot him out, are you worried about being on your own? He clearly has no respect for you, doesn’t love you (even if he says he does) and is just living with you because you provide a comfortable home (& more )?

I wouldn’t even discuss it with him, after all these years he isn’t going to change. Just tell him that living together isn’t working and he needs to move out now (don’t let him use Covid as an excuse - tough).

You could say you would be happy to still ‘date’ him (if you want to) but no doubt he will soon be looking for someone else to sponge off......

How do these men get away with this?

How can you honestly respect this man at all?

You can bet that his whole life story and investment is a complete pack of lies hence the secrecy.

Didn't you discuss financial arrangement before agreeing for him to move in?