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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP loves everyone but me

55 replies

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 16/05/2020 16:48

Hi everyone, I’ve been finding it extremely difficult through the lockdown, because me and my partner have had to spend more time together and he is financially stressed he is taking it all out on me, his family and daughter can do no wrong and he’s so happy when he’s talking to them, with me he just can’t be bothered and he has been so nasty for 8 weeks now I feel like I can’t do anything right, today he had a go at me because the Hoover was unplugged so I said well you must not of plugged it back in because I haven’t touched it he then went on to say well you clearly have I wish you would just fuck of back to your mums I then took myself Of into the bedroom and have been here ever since and he dosent care, all he cares about is his family that he misses and I’m being taken for granted in all of this, I’m not a shit partner I cook his tea every night and i never ever be nasty to him like he is with me but I seem to get all the shit, I’m sick of feeling like a disappointment it was that bad this afternoon I even googled how to kill myself quickly without any pain.... I can’t do right for doing wrong.. I’ve been trying to set a new business up with nails as I haven’t worked in years due to mental health and loosing my son in 2018 and my grandad in 2019, I want to better myself for our future and so I told him about this new business idea yesterday and he was happy but today it’s just back to normal and I feel like the littlest person in the world right now , I even question will he even miss me if I did take my own life probably not I don’t know... I’m sorry for ranting I just needed a safe place to let it all out I feel so alone

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 16/05/2020 16:56

he then went on to say well you clearly have I wish you would just fuck of back to your mums

You should do exactly that. When you allow a man to talk to you like this, it gives a message of desperation. Get out of his house and leave him to it.

You need to set a standard of acceptable behaviour 8n a relationship, otherwise you just get trampled on and disrespected...because you allow it.

People treat you how you let them

By walking away, you send a strong message that you won't tolerate it...but if you hang around, you show it's not a dealbreaker.

Cosyblanky · 16/05/2020 17:00

Sounds like this relationship should end. He treats you the way he does because you've allowed it. In the process he's broken your self esteem and made you doubt yourself. How does he positively enhance your life?

FizzyGreenWater · 16/05/2020 17:52

GO!

Leave the little shit.

He sounds like a nasty user.

Pack up and go to your mum's. Be with people who love and value you!

This isn't a good man, or a good partner. You can do better, you really can. Afraid of being alone? Well, you're alone now really, aren't you - just sharing a house with someone who is nasty to you, and is happy to have you there presumably to have someone to have sex with and to cook his dinners but.. no love, no resepct, no friendship.

GO!!!

Bananalanacake · 16/05/2020 18:36

Is it your home or do you rent it together.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/05/2020 18:39

Pack your bags and leave now. Never, ever look back.

gamerchick · 16/05/2020 18:42

Can you go back to your mother, it sounds as if your mental health will improve massively without him in it.

0DETTE · 16/05/2020 18:45

He’s horrible to you. Please leave him and start a new life.

LadyMuck111 · 16/05/2020 18:58

Do as he said if it's at all possible. Pack a bag and leave without saying a word to him. He sounds like a horrible piece of work.

Apple1029 · 16/05/2020 19:26

no person is ever worth taking your life for. what a horrible man. Go back to your Mum 's and leave this loser.

Opaljewel · 16/05/2020 19:29

You poor thing. He sounds horrendous. Please don't end your life over this man please. It can and it will get better. If you feel that way again please the samaritans or contact mind charity. Perhaps even your gp. But please get some support for yourself.

You've done nothing wrong and loneliness can be the worst feeling in a bad relationship I know.

I echo the others please go to your mothers. Even if just for a short while. Please don't stay in this a moment longer especially feeling the way you do.

He isn't every man out there. There are ones that will treat you right. But first learn to treat yourself right. Learn to love yourself first.

copycopypaste · 16/05/2020 19:39

I'd take him in his advice and bugger off to your mums, then file for divorce. You may find your mental health improves away from your abusive husband

onesmalldog · 16/05/2020 19:45

Sorry OP you deserve much better than this.

If you can go to your mum's I would. Flowers

museumum · 16/05/2020 19:48

You don’t need to kill yourself to get away from feeling like you do. Just leave this relationship. You deserve to be free of him.

Bluntness100 · 16/05/2020 19:56

Op, why are you staying, can you explain it? Why can’t you or won’t you leave him?

PersephoneandHades · 16/05/2020 19:59

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, you do not deserve to be treated like this. Get to a safe place and leave this man, no one should be making you suicidal.

Flowers
Modestandatinybitsexy · 16/05/2020 20:02

Op I'm sorry for the losses in your life but leaving him truly wouldn't be a loss, you'd get your self back. He's trampling over you, disregarding your feelings and using your generosity. Please find somewhere else to go. Your nail idea sounds great, push on with that and leave that ungrateful fucker behind

searchaway · 16/05/2020 20:20

You shouldn’t let him treat you like this. He clearly doesn’t want to be with you anymore and is trying to get you to leave! If you can stay with your mum, pack a bag and go. Why do you even want to be with somebody this vile. Have more pride in yourself!

SunshineCake · 16/05/2020 21:27

Are you still there, *@MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 ?

NoMoreDickheads · 16/05/2020 21:48

@SandyY2K Makes a good point. @MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 You will feel a lot better if you go to your mum's, because you will be asserting to yourself that it is not ok for anyone to treat you in this way, you are worth more.

So sorry you've suffered such losses in your life. Flowers Flowers Flowers

Please speak to your GP or consultant to update them about how you're doing- they could try you on some different meds or change the dose, there are loads of things you can try.

PicsInRed · 16/05/2020 22:17

He had manufactured an argument to drag you back down. The reason for that is that you told him you are going to open a business to build a future. He doesn't want you to do that as he wants you dependent and he considers your intention of starting a business as an indicator of your burgeoning well mental health and good motivation. He wants you mentally ill. He wants you demotivated. He needs that in order to keep you under control.

Is the house yours or his?

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 16/05/2020 22:32

What a ridiculous man, to make a fuss over a plug.

Having said that, the moment somebody told me they wished I was gone, they would get their wish! No matter who they were. You will be amazed how much better you feel away from him.

Original poster
MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 17/05/2020 11:24

Hi everyone Thankyou for your reply’s he came into the bedroom at about 7 last night and said are you done sulking yet ? Lol!! I just ignored him he then tried to be nice to me all night the dog chewed my headphones apart so he bought me some new ones and Told me they will be here next week, he didn’t apologise for the I wish you would fuck of. but I didn’t think there would be an apology as that would be admitting he’s been a bastard of course!! It’s been hard loosing our son and he’s always had an abusive nature towards me sometimes it can be really bad sometimes it’s ok sometimes whatever the mood takes him he’s like 5 different people in one, he called it Of us trying to conceive in march we had been trying for 6 months, I truly believe he had called it Of because all his family knew we were trying and his ego is taking a big hit he can’t get me pregnant quickly so to be in control again he cut it Of and had been withdrawing his affection towards me, I also believe what one of you guys said is very true that he dosent like the thought of me bettering myself and starting this business even if he says he is because that will be a loss or control when I start it up I will be dependent I’ve always been dependent on him he pays the rent on the house and I do the food shopping but I want to do more and better the future by setting this business up, I’m 27 and he is 34 by the way just to give you an insight we are engaged but not married and have been together 5 years

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 17/05/2020 11:25

Thankyou for being so caring and kind everyone appreciate it much more than you will ever know 💐

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 17/05/2020 11:30

I also believe he called of the trying for a baby because he thinks once I’m pregnant he won’t be able to control me like last time, last time I was pregnant I told him where to go and to do one and that he wasn’t treating me and his child the way he was and I did most of the pregnancy at home with my family and I nearly died due to a placental abruption aswell when I lost my son and he was hysterical shouting at me at the hospital so he wasn’t aloud back and he blames all of this on me and I truly think he’s ‘punishing me’ for not letting him be there when his son was ill, his son needed a grown man not a child and I did what I thought was right but I do believe he’s punishing me for it now, he knows how much it hurt me to loose Alfie and how much I wanted a brother or sister for him... it’s all control and punishment x

OP posts:
clippityclop · 17/05/2020 11:33

So please take the advice above and get out as soon as you can. You deserve better than this. Good luck with your business.