Men what puts you off online dating profiles

[Dislocatedeyeballs]

Honestly? Just read another thread about what puts women off wondering what puts men off?

Is this just a slightly unsubtle way of establishing which Mumsnet users own a Y chromosome?🤔 No offence OP, simply a lighthearted question.

Think I will wait and see what reception others receive before I throw myself into the lions den and find myself lambasted for expressing what I personally find offputting. Coward that I am! It is, of course, purely subjective and down to personal preference, the things one finds a negative.

Anyone willing and brave enough to put themselves forward for a mauling?

Ugh @IDespairOfTheHumanRace what a thoroughly depressing Post and blinkered view.
What on earth are you doing on a site predominantly used by women?
Terms such as 'Anyone willing and brave enough to put themselves forward for a mauling?' and 'before I throw myself into the lions den and find myself lambasted' are pretty sexist and show someone who is deeply out of touch with women.
Why are you here?
Is it your slightly unsubtle way of finding out who are the single women in the group?

Pfft come on spill the beans I'm not judging just interested do a name change if don't want to be found out!

I've NC for this and will be changing straight back after but I'll bite

Women who describe themselves as 'mummy'. I don't mind if you've got kids and want to be upfront about it but says I have 3 kids, or mum of 3, don't refer to yourself as mummy.

Women who's lives clearly revolve around their kids. They're in every photo, the bio is all about them. No pictures of them doing anything else except being a parent. I understand you're a parents and that comes first but I want you to be other things too. I want you to have other interests, things we can talk about and do together. Be an independent person with an identity as well as being a mum.

Women who say 'be a man, message first'

Women who count their pets as children. 'Proud mummy to 2 kids and 2 cats' 'mummy to two gorgeous Labradors'. It's sickening.

Women who don't even allude to any hobbies or interests. Either in their bio or a photo of them doing.

Wine/gin o'clock, 5 o'clock somewhere ect. I like a drink, have no problem with it, but it's not the basis of a personality.

Having read the other thread, pretty much all the things that blokes do, women do too. Having not browsed men’s profiles I was surprised about the horribleness and entitled thinking within them that was revealed on that thread. Most women’s profiles are much more benign. The two biggest problems are vagueness and blandness. Humour is so rare; yet you’re all so sharp on here. I think many play it safe to their detriment.

I think humour on a woman’s profile can feel like you may believe you are superior to men. That’s probably my thought process when I write a profile. I don’t want it to appear like I am just one of the lads, or a sarcastic bitch either

Personally I like a bit of humour in a profile.

No-no’s for me:

My kids are my world: yes they’re mine too but I wouldn’t word it like that.

Ditto multiple photos showing off dahhhling children

Any photo where I have to guess which one they are.

Snapchat filters: less common than they were but still a real thing.

Pics of horse riding/jumping: would you want to see a pic of me riding/jumping my bike? Thought not.

Pics on a really fancy yacht swigging champers: I don’t know what this feels like and likely never will.

It’s interesting about humour on profiles. For me (woman) wit is really important, and that comes out on the man’s profile through how they express themselves, not bald statements like ‘I love a bit of banter’ or ‘sarcastic bastard’. The same must apply to women’s profiles too of course. In the end I put that I like going to stand-up comedy, then let the chat elicit whether we lined up in any way.

@famousforwrongreason maybe a bit harsh? @IDespairOfTheHumanRace maybe a bit clueless?

A massive rant about what they don’t want eg:

“DONT bother messaging me if you only want a bit of fun. DONT message me if you can’t handle the fact that I have a kid. DONT message me if you won’t reply to messages. NO hookups, NO fuckboys. I’m SICK of being messed around on here. NO penis pics no-one wants to see that. I DONT CARE how much you earn. Shirtless pics impress NO-ONE.”

That’s all fair enough but it doesn’t exactly make you look approachable.

The above if that’s literally all they have on the description but I mean. Comes across a bit aggressive

Oh and also if all the pictures you have are exclusively those very close up, face-only selfies, usually taken from above, absolutely no full length photos, then people will know/assume that you’re fat. Sorry, but that’s just the truth.

Jeez @IDespairOfTheHumanRace what you said really wasn’t that bad! Or bad at all. Anyway now some have stuck their heads over the parapet it’s your turn

When my ex husband tried online dating after we separated, his main gripes were along the same lines as mentioned here - lots of 'mummy' type posts; women who were upfront about wanting more children (in the body of their bio, not just in the do you have/want kids yes/no/maybe option); snapchat filters; photos taken from unflattering angles or where no effort had been made with clothes/appearance - not that he expected 'model' looks, but a level of self awareness and respect.

Women whose photos advertised a 'lifestyle' rather than being warm. Women who were looking for a man to 'take care of them'. Lack of humour.

Other men I've spoken to in general always mention the snap chat filters and 'duckface' or 'sexy' poses. They might be happy to wank to Instagram models but it's not what they're looking for in a partner.

The two biggest problems are vagueness and blandness. Humour is so rare; yet you’re all so sharp on here. I think many play it safe to their detriment.

That's really interesting. When I showed my exh my profile, he said he'd definitely have responded to it because it was clearly genuine and honest and witty.

I didnt have much luck 🙄 but some of my interests are more 'niche', I suppose.

I don't say that unkindly but OLD seems to work best for people whose lifestyles and interests are very 'middle of the road'.

Yeah humour is a subtle one @Menora. I'm not really thinking about sarcasm or being one of the lads though. General wittiness is lovely to come across.

Thought of another one, the ones that say no cheaters or players. I just wonder if that will ever deter a cheater or a player ? Seems like a waste of words and a likely uphill struggle for someone whose conscience is clear.

IDespairOfTheHumanRace

I'd be interested to know, tbh!

I'm not doing OLD but I did and I did always wonder what men were looking for (largely because it wasnt me! 🤣).

I always got the impression that it was because I precisely wasn't some of the things that have been detailed as negatives on here.

My DP said that one of the things that put him off was women who were clearly looking for someone to fund the lifestyle they wanted. He’d done that for 20 years and didn’t fancy doing it for another 20. One of the reasons he liked me was because I had a job.

I try to show that I have a SOH but I don’t make it the focus. I also mention food (and cheese) which usually is a big convo point!

Not a fan of the banter word. Makes me think of really obvious jokes and machine gun laughter.

Wild nights out and cosy nights in: so you like to go out, and stay in too?

No one reads profiles anyway: yes they do!

Haha the nights out/in thing is surely to cover all bases 😂

I did OLD for a bit. What bothered me most was "Stay at Home Mummies" when used as a replacement for "Unemployed" women with school age kids with no intention of looking for a job etc. Had a couple like that who stop messaging, even one ths insulted me when they found out I 'only' worked in Tesco. Someone unemployed calling me a loser for having a full time job, is that irony? It were funny whatever it was.

I remember a woman distinctly telling me once,
"It's been nice chatting, but I want someone that can look after me and my kids"..
Well get a job then FFS.

Other than that I wouldn't message a woman of my age 35+ that have Snapchat filters with bunny ears. Or if they have endless photos of them drinking, i like a drink but not pissed up every weekend.
photos of just the face and from a weird angle seem to be hiding something. And trout pouts... Just no.

And profiles that read something like:
"Didn't know what to write, message me"
It just comes across as them thinking they're so god damn attractive that no one need know if there's anything in common cause they'll just message anyways.

I'm reminded why I stopped doing old tbh.

Favourite one i’ve seen was a woman on the Guardian saying something like ‘I love hill walking, have had the same fleece for the last 10 years and I always know where my keys are.’ Ie here is exactly what you will be getting. I hope she met someone.

I would also say I don't judge profiles that are conservative. I can see how hard it is to put yourself out there with honesty and humour. I admire it when it happens but understand it's difficult. The reality of my age group is that we spend much of our time working and parenting such that our interior world is neglected and interests and passions are on the back burner. It's hard to write a profile that's meant to sell those parts of you and at the same time be honest.

I always keep in mind that the warmest and wittiest woman I had the good fortune to date had nothing at all in her profile description but I just could not bring myself to swipe left. (Reader, I would've married her) There's a lot to be said for a good photo that shows a smile from the eyes.

@Lonelycrab I haven’t done old as I’m not photogenic and can’t be assed but someone jumping a bike (as long as it had a motor) would interest me as it’s something I’m into as well. Maybe the horsey photos are to attract someone who likes horses too.

@HairyArsedMan how are you still single?