Partner is eating them self to death.

[Peasndmintsoup]

I don’t know what else to do to help them. I think they may be depressed but they don’t think they are. They have put on five stone in a couple of years and they are 21 stone.

They are tired all the time and need to sleep in the afternoon for about 2-3 hours. Surfacing when I’m cooking dinner. We had a big dinner at 6:30 and they had two rounds of bread with it. At 9pm they asked if I wanted to get an Indian take away. I said no I’m still full from dinner and they replied with that actually they didn’t have a big dinner - they did! Probably too much tbh.

They eat very high sugar and fatty foods and then binge eat all night. They also steal food of other people’s plates. Eg. If I’m putting the dinner out they will pull food off other plates but not touch their own.

They are unrecognisable from when i first met them and the other day I thought they had an abscess in their mouth as there gave is so swollen - but it’s just weight.

I’ve tried to support them for the entire time. Done every diet with them, exercised with them. The GP has told them they have to lose weight as they have a bad hip through the weight and may need a hip replacement if they don’t shift it.

We have children and I’m scared they will have a heart attack. They honestly don’t seem bothered about it though. Said they feel fine.

I actually don’t know what to do about it. I feel if they were an alcoholic there would be lots of help and we would be able to discuss it but because it’s weight no one is allowed to mention it.

I feel like shaking them and saying ‘stop it! Your killing your self we don’t want you do die or be ill!’

I’m wondering if there is any kid of proper councillors that deal with this?

Thanks

It sounds like you don’t foresee the marriage surviving & this is a last ditch attempt to help set him up on a healthier path prior to separation, so you feel like you’ve done all you can.

If you try to kickstart him on his weight loss / health journey and then later leave, he could well regress. It may be kinder to rip off the bandaid all at once, so to speak...fact is, if you decide to separate he will be left to his own devices & you can’t control what he will/won’t do.

Would it help to seek couples counselling instead, with a view to making peace with separation? There you will be able to discuss his various health & disordered eating issues & the counsellor will surely advise him to seek medical intervention too.

Like with alcoholism, he has an unhealthy lifestyle & you have every right to not want your kids exposed to it on the daily, you are using so much personal energy worrying about him & that can’t be healthy for you either, stress is not good for anyone.

If you have ceased marital relations, he may feel starting his health journey will help fix the cracks in the marriage, so if you don’t foresee that happening then it may be unwise to give him that idea, as he may likely regress if the marriage ends.

@TomNook Your attempt at being a smart arse lacks wit, timing and originality. 0/10.

@Thingsdogetbetter

TomNook was quoting someone else on the thread.

Though the comment was still arseholeish in the extreme.

Yes, the comment is awful and finding it funny is awful. But then some people are twats.

This definitely sounds like a mental issue before a physical one.

You need to get him to recognise he has an issue. Maybe ask him to diary what it is he is eating? Having a decently sized dinner and then following it up with a takeaway, saying that he didn't have a large meal, actually spelling it out for him or getting him to do it for himself could be a wake-up call.

Positively reinforce good behaviour through means other than food, at the same time, try to reignite your relationship if that's something you want to work on. A good day of eating and exercise? A nice back rub. Or something similar.

Once he realises the seriousness of his issue, try to sway him into counseling to deal with the underlying issue.

Take over the shopping and cut back on the existence of junk in the house to start off with. It's not good for him or DC. Reinforce that treats are treats and not just an everyday event.

It's a very delicate situation and going headfirst into YOU ARE GOING TO DIE FATTY won't help.

I lost my father at 57 to a heart attack, he was terribly obese. He had just lost two stone, and had actually been to the gym that morning. But it was too little too late. We banged our heads against the wall for years telling him what he was doing, it wasn't until his knee needed replacing and he saw the damage for himself that he took action.

I really hope for all of you that this doesn't end the same way.

Good luck.

@DDemelza Although it is natural for women to gain some weight after having children, we're talking 5 stone in a few years. Having a baby does not cause you to be 21 stone, so no, gender 'isn't fucking relevant' in this situation.

@MizMoonshine It sounds like there is some kind of emotional, binge eating problem here. Although I have sympathy for him, I also have sympathy for you because it's a very difficult situation. I would insist that he sees a doctor, agree to support him if he gets help but you can't live like this forever.

@MizMoonshine sorry, I didn't mean to tag you. Meant to tag OP