Partner is eating them self to death.

[Peasndmintsoup]

I don’t know what else to do to help them. I think they may be depressed but they don’t think they are. They have put on five stone in a couple of years and they are 21 stone.

They are tired all the time and need to sleep in the afternoon for about 2-3 hours. Surfacing when I’m cooking dinner. We had a big dinner at 6:30 and they had two rounds of bread with it. At 9pm they asked if I wanted to get an Indian take away. I said no I’m still full from dinner and they replied with that actually they didn’t have a big dinner - they did! Probably too much tbh.

They eat very high sugar and fatty foods and then binge eat all night. They also steal food of other people’s plates. Eg. If I’m putting the dinner out they will pull food off other plates but not touch their own.

They are unrecognisable from when i first met them and the other day I thought they had an abscess in their mouth as there gave is so swollen - but it’s just weight.

I’ve tried to support them for the entire time. Done every diet with them, exercised with them. The GP has told them they have to lose weight as they have a bad hip through the weight and may need a hip replacement if they don’t shift it.

We have children and I’m scared they will have a heart attack. They honestly don’t seem bothered about it though. Said they feel fine.

I actually don’t know what to do about it. I feel if they were an alcoholic there would be lots of help and we would be able to discuss it but because it’s weight no one is allowed to mention it.

I feel like shaking them and saying ‘stop it! Your killing your self we don’t want you do die or be ill!’

I’m wondering if there is any kid of proper councillors that deal with this?

Thanks

@Xenia
Here comes the sound of one hand clapping......

feeling that I was going mad because I didn't understand why I couldn't stop, eating in the toilets at work, getting into risky situations so I could binge

YES, this.

I've been on the bones of my arse skint and using my last £5 or gathering up random coins I'd found around the house and putting them in the self-service check out just to buy one more haul of junk food.

Once I was alone in the house and so desperate to binge I stood on a chair to check the tops of the kitchen cabinets for forgotten food.

Another time I put cake (sealed in a box) in the bin to avoid temptation, then the next day I took it back out and ate it

I've genuinely acted like an addict when caught in a binge spiral. Worrying behaviour that I'm mortified to admit, but at the time there is true desperation and I've felt like I'm going mad.

uh oh someone mentioned fat and here comes Xenia the fattie troll...

How is that helpful, or even kind, Xenia?

And try reading the thread.

@R1R2
Yes I thought I heard an irritating squeaking noise too...😂

@amusedbush - yes, I've been a student at the ends of my overdraft and continued to spend way beyond my means on food, walked through a dodgy unlit park so I could eat cookies without the chance of running into my colleagues... I could go on. It truly is an addiction. Seeing someone close to me with a substance problem has helped me get a handle on it somewhat as I feel such shame at displaying some of the same behaviours. Probably the biggest thing for me as well is to stop dieting and telling myself that things are off-limits so I don't feel deprived. And not beating myself up if I have bad days..getting there with baby steps

OP, I know it's hard, but have you tried to be blunt about it?

@hotcrossbun4321

That's what I did too, in March last year. I read a book on intuitive eating and quickly lost 20lbs. I've now lost 2.5 stone very slowly and sustainably, with another 2.5 to go. I'm in no rush and I'm very mindful of the delicate balancing act between weight loss and restriction.

I've noticed that when I'm happy in other areas of my life, I'm less obsessed with food. It all goes to shit when I'm anxious or depressed, so I need to work on mindfulness there, too.

Amused and Hotcrossed thanks for your posts*

Thanks for the support guys apart from that odd weirdo

I initially hid sexes because I really didn’t want a fat bashing thread as I know this is just more than being greedy. Some of the posts have helped me see he needs professional help and might actually be unwell physically and mentally. Not sure if us as a couple will survive but I still want him to be ok

Thanks 💗

He needs his sleep apnea treating and a referral to an endrocrinologist in case his excessive appetite and weight gain are due to an endocrine disorder

back I’m going to book him in - if I can.

Bariatric surgery is not the answer if it's emotional eating as it doesn't cure the root cause of overeating.

Please ask your husband to get help for both the overeating and snoring. My DH has sleep apnea, has a CPAP machine. He is roughly a stone overweight and has been told he needs to try lose it to help as well. Your husbands weight will have a huge effect on his snoring.

@FancyPants20 - 😂😂😂😂

Sorry

The fact that it’s rubbing off on the kids means he needs to get to the gp. I wouldn’t hang around with the kids and let them grow up like this or they will end up with his habits and it will blight their life

Good luck, OP.

Your instincts are right; at that weight, he is a good candidate for heart attacks, diabetes and increased risk from Covid-19.

I hope he agrees to counselling and seeing the GP for his sleep problems.

Sleep apnea can actually make a lot of the things you're talking about happen.

The 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon and always being tired is an apnea thing. My ex-husband had severe sleep apnea that was uncorrected until I met him.

The first day we titrated his CPAP machine, he was to take a nap so we could make sure it was working well. He slept about 90 minutes and we called him out to dinner.

He genuinely thought he had slept for an 8-9 hour night, all at once, because that's how much sleep he'd been missing all the time from his apnea episodes. His behavior was night and day afterward. He still had issues with food but also had the energy to be present and do stuff instead of just spending the day as an irritable zombie.

It sounds like he could use a CPAP/bipap and that might open a conversation, since those are NOT super fun to wear, about getting weight down to limit the obstruction of his breathing. You can view it as a quest to get to the point where the CPAP goes away.

Overwatered anonymous is a big thing in the States. My cousin is a 12 stepper there.

It seems to exist on a smaller scale here. Would he try that? Does he accept in any level that he has an issue or is at risk?

Overeaters Anonymous^ (obvs).

I know people will say it’s controlling, but you need to stop him from bringing tons of food back to the house like right now or your dc are going to be embroiled in this awful habit too. Talk to your kids and tell them it isn’t normal.

He wants a takeout after a full massive meal? He needs counselling.

@Peasndmintsoup the sleeping in the evening is a classic tell of diabetes due to insulin surges and dips. I had this before I was diagnosed with T2 diabetes. Your partner may already have metabolic syndrome aka pre-diabetes and is on the tipping point if not already diabetic.

@WombOfOnesOwn yes to sleep apnea as well. This may be combination of sleep apnea, diabetes and a few other issues.

BEAT is a charity which helps with eating disorders, including binge eating. It's worth giving them a google and see what advice they can give.

Glad you’ve got some ideas and help from the thread Peas, and I wish you lots of luck for things to improve for you and your H.