Is it unusual for a man NOT to watch porn?

[Bearski77]

I've just been reading a separate thread on porn, which was about women being upset at their partners watching it. My possibly strange view is that I would rather my dh did watch it! We haven't had sex for nine years, nothing sexual or intimate at all, not even a kiss. So you'd think he'd need to find something else to satisfy his needs, but no. He'll stay up late with the telly on, but watching recordings of all the politics programmes like Newsnight, Peston etc. He even watched a re-run of the bloody election results on Christmas Day ffs!!! Anyway, I was talking to my friend about this yesterday and she asked if he ever tried it on with me, and no he never has. She asked if he seemed to fancy me at all and I said no. So she assumed he must watch porn but I said he doesn't and she was really shocked. So is he just a total non-sexual man? Is this normal???

Im pretty sure that a hige amount of men do have a physical need to orgasm and if they dont, it happens in their sleep eventually anyway.
I think its true because its the same for women surely? Its definitely the same for me. Its the libido.
Doesnt mean you have to watch porn. Just means most people need to either have sex or masturbate

It,s like tyou assume most watch porn , I don,t think thats true. But I think you shuld talk to your oh about the lack of intimacy, perhaps he is worried too. Could it be lifestyle/diet effecting him.?

Yes, I do watch porn occasionally, and masturbate, because it's all I've got

You have an imagination? Why watch what could be abuse just to get your rocks off?

To be clear @ducksback I don't like any of the abusive stuff (although I get the reason you say this is because the people involved in porn could be there under abusive circumstances, I totally get that) And yes I do use my imagination 90% of the time, as it's normally better tbh! But sometimes yes I do feel the need to see something. Women together does it for me, actually (((opens new can of worms)))

Women watch all types. Some watch abusive, some watch sensual some even watch gay men.

Fucking hell. What a depressing thread.

This thread is so unbelievably sad that something so toxic, especially for women, is just seen as mainstream now

This ^

My instinct is that the answers on this thread certainly don't reflect society generally, but even so, it is depressing how many people think it is commonplace for grown men (or women) to be watching porn.

It’s super depressing. Watching porn is definitely a thing with young women and I know some who talk about it quite proudly (it’s got Cool Girl, fun feminist caché). They’re work colleagues, else I would say something. I certainly let my friends know my feelings on the subject.

Bearski it sounds as if he is selfish and self-absorbed. I have no idea if he's autistic but I wouldn't assume that people who lack empathy and communication skills are autistic - oversimplification of what autism is plus handing a get out of jail card to people who are not fulfilling their general obligations to their loved ones.

He seems to have eroded your respect for him and thus your desire through his self-absorption and poor communication. It's a common story on here. What I find surprising is your reaction to it. Instead of saying: "how can I improve my life/my relationship or how can I get out of my relationship and find someone who does value and desire me?" you seem to be assuming that the best case scenario is for him to distract himself and find an outlet for his desires through porn.

You have begun to communicate with him around this so there are still some channels open. Do you think you could use this to progress your conversations?

If not, why are you so bizarrely accepting of this dead relationship? Why would you not consider that you might have a better life outside it?

Just for the record I'm no fan of porn, I find it exploitative and about as stimulating as accountancy. And not saying all men actively enjoy it -- I know many disapprove of it and rightly so. But I'm pretty sure almost all men have partaken of it at some point.

@thepeopleversuswork I really do know I would have a better life outside of this relationship. I've already done all the counselling, both on my own and a couples session and I know I don't want to keep going like this forever. It's a classic case of staying for the kids......

Also, I really do hesitate to generalise about the autism thing, but there are other things that have made me think it's a possibility.

And i wouldn't say I'm a porn fan as such either, I realise how destructive it can be all round. I suppose I just wanted to ask how common it is rather than the rights or wrongs of it.

Just for the record I'm no fan of porn, I find it exploitative and about as stimulating as accountancy

My dh doesn't watch porn and we have a great sex life. I couldn't be with someone who did.

Not sure I could cope with the lack of affection in your situation op, but it sounds like you get along well enough for now. Maybe separation is something to start thinking about and planning for as your children get a bit older.

Bearski I do get the "staying for the kids" thing. I've agonised over this in the past and I'm not about to judge you or demand that you LTB as I realise its more complicated than that.

But you know that this isn't a solution for any of you over the long term. Not least for the kids.

Trying to rationalise the idea that it would be preferable for your husband to be watching porn than for you to tackle this huge elephant in the room should demonstrate to you how far this is from being workable.

You have an imagination?

Ok I think smut is disgusting but I do not see this argument against it at all. Why watch TV or listen to music if we have an imagination? Because.. recordings are easier and better?

I don't watch disgusting porn but I can only climax if my DH is right there and I can get a look at him and his bits and pieces. Imagining things is not going to cut the mustard

Because.. recordings are easier and better?

Yeah, for the person watching them. Not so much for the women trafficked around to make them. People without an imagination could try literary porn instead?

I know I'm going to get dragged for this...

But not all porn involves rape and trafficking. There are reputable agencies (and even ethical porn sites) and famous porn stars. There are amateur couples. There are women who post there own nudes on OnlyFans and make a full salary on it.

Tube sites are often dodgy and unregulated- fine. But just say you don't like porn and move on, or say you don't like tube sites.

DP doesn't watch porn, he says he just finds it boring & he prefers the real thing. We do have an active sex life. Have you not spoken to your husband about situation?

It's not at all unusual for men not to watch porn. Not all men are sex mad and a lot are quite disgusted by porn.