If your talking to a new man and are overweight would you mention it before meeting?

[winnerwinnerchickendinner7]

Just as the title saids really. Been speaking with a man online for around two weeks now. Obviously we can't meet due to the current situation but he seems really keen to spend time together once all this is over, has invited me out for a drink/meal. Although it's early days we seem to get on really well, share some of the same interests, he makes the effort to call/text every day. Conversation is easy which I like.

The only thing is, he's in very good shape as where I'm not. From what I understand he goes to the gym regularly and it's sort of a hobby of his. I used to be fairly skinny but over the years have put more and more weight on, I would say I'm roughly a size 14 but because I'm short I don't carry it very well. I wouldn't say I'm obese but I definitely have a belly and huge thighs/bum . I'm not 100% happy with the way I look and it's definitely something that I'm focusing on but with work, general life etc it may take a while to sort out. Also, if I'm going to lose weight then I want it to be for me, not because of someone else.

My question is, should I tell him? I thought it would be better to mention it beforehand as I don't want to be seen as a cat fish (I definitely look like the person in my photos as I don't use filters etc but I don't take many photos of my body, normally just my face). I wouldn't want him to feel disappointed if we ever met. Should I slip it into conversation? What do you think?

Nope
Don't ever show your insecurities this early on
Maybe upload some more full body photos
Try to be confident

I never thought of it like that. Thanks @Shoxfordian for the tip. I have actually sent him 1 picture of me with my body in it and for some reason I don't actually look that big, I'm not sure why as I definitely wasn't trying to hide anything.

For some reason, I tend not to look big in pictures but in real life I am! It's very strange.

Sweetie, you're probably not as big as you think you are and if he doesn't like you anyway then he's a knob

Thank you for your kind words @Shoxfordian

No problem, good luck

I did. I've pogged up from a 14 to an 18 and I'm mortified. I'm nearly 5 ft 9 though so look like a rugby player and talk8mg about it just made me feel more comfortable - he's not bothered apparently

I'd upload full length pictures always. Size 14 isn't that big. I was actually told I looked bigger than my pics on my first date! He was a personal trainer. He then pursued me for a year after. I was a size 14/16.

Surely it makes sense to have full body pics from the off. Don't mention now though, insecurity could put him off.

Well I would personally because I wouldn’t want them to be disappointed but I’m bigger than you (16/18). That being said I wouldn’t present it as a particularly negative thing - more matter of fact. I have a womanly hourglass shape and I would use terminology like that to describe myself. I have also said “ Just so you know I’m not a skinny girl” - I’ve never lied about my age either unlike my DM who’s taken 10 years of her age for her dating profile

Def don't mention it!
Size 14 is not big (isn't that average in UK?) and anyway if he doesn't like it , he's not worth it.

But as the others say post a full length picture so you don’t have to have the conversation in future

Thanks for all the advice, really appreciate it. If this doesn't work out then I will definitely upload more full body pics in future just so I don't need to have this conversation (not sure why I didn't anyway, just never thought to)

Thanks again!

@Aerial2020 I have no idea what the average is. It's not that I'm "huge", I think it's more because I'm short so I look bigger if that makes sense! I just don't carry it very well. I know women who are roughly the same size as me but look much better imo.

I'd post a full pic, but perhaps you are his ideal. Not all men think skinny is ideal.

You know some guys, I'd say most in my opinion, love curves.

I do.

My ex was a size 16 and rocked my socks.

I'd certainly much rather curves and wobbly bits than a woman that looks she'd fall apart at the first touch 😂

It doesn't matter. Fake the body confidence even if you don't feel it.
Don't meet someone for the first time with them knowing 'you don't carry it well'
Go to a date thinking you're the best thing ever!

I'm similar to you, currently a 14 (although maybe even a 16 now thanks to lockdown eating!) and I used to be slimmer. I'm also fairly short (5'3) but it would never even occur to me to bring up the fact I'm overweight!

Pre lockdown I went on a LOT of dates and I've never mentioned it and it's not that I'm really confident or happy with my weight either. I agree with another poster- fake the body confidence and try not to put yourself down. Worry less about whether he likes you and more about what you think of him!

Don’t mention it. As pp’s have said, just upload a few full body pics. Some men are bothered about stuff like weight but I wouldn’t say the majority are. A winning personality, smile and being open to fun in the bedroom are much more important

Definitely echo the 'no need to tell' response. From a male perspective, the only thing I would find off putting would be someone actually telling me in advance that they weren't sure whether they matched up to photos. What is attractive is confidence, yes being self deprecating to a level is fine, the ability to hold a conversation and being a nice person. A nice sense of humour is very attractive too.

Enjoy your date when it happens.

These comments have made me feel so much better. Thank you all! My ex used to have an issue with my weight (would never openly admit to it though) and would always make comments so I think that's why I'm a lot more conscious of it now. I used to be a lot more confident when I was younger. But your all right, confidence is key. Thank you!

Yes but that's because I had a terrible experience once where the bloke left me stranded because I wasn't 'honest about my appearance'. It was mortifying and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Oh god @Sleepyquest I'm so sorry what a wanker! This is my fear and why I'm questioning myself.

@winnerwinnerchickendinner7 sorry hope I didn't scare you! If he is decent, it won't matter! 14 isn't big anyway. I was an 18. Hope it goes well x

Well you're not so big it's going to come as a bit of a shock, so I wouldn't worry.

I said I was more of a porche Cayenne than a porche carrera. It wasn't as random a comment as it sounds.