If your talking to a new man and are overweight would you mention it before meeting?

[winnerwinnerchickendinner7]

Just as the title saids really. Been speaking with a man online for around two weeks now. Obviously we can't meet due to the current situation but he seems really keen to spend time together once all this is over, has invited me out for a drink/meal. Although it's early days we seem to get on really well, share some of the same interests, he makes the effort to call/text every day. Conversation is easy which I like.

The only thing is, he's in very good shape as where I'm not. From what I understand he goes to the gym regularly and it's sort of a hobby of his. I used to be fairly skinny but over the years have put more and more weight on, I would say I'm roughly a size 14 but because I'm short I don't carry it very well. I wouldn't say I'm obese but I definitely have a belly and huge thighs/bum . I'm not 100% happy with the way I look and it's definitely something that I'm focusing on but with work, general life etc it may take a while to sort out. Also, if I'm going to lose weight then I want it to be for me, not because of someone else.

My question is, should I tell him? I thought it would be better to mention it beforehand as I don't want to be seen as a cat fish (I definitely look like the person in my photos as I don't use filters etc but I don't take many photos of my body, normally just my face). I wouldn't want him to feel disappointed if we ever met. Should I slip it into conversation? What do you think?

You didn't scare me at all @Sleepyquest, it's good to gets others opinions/perspective. A lot of the other posters have made me feel a lot better and reassured me. Thank you! 

@Wallywobbles that's brilliant. I love it!

Perhaps start doing some exercise OP....so when the time comes you feel good in your skin. Not to lose weight necessarily but exercise does give you a great mood boost and glow as well, that's what you should aim for

I would try to put up a full length pic because I do remember some guys laughing over bigger women only taking pics of their face so they could disguise the fact they are over weight. Anyway saying that 14 isn’t that big so it’s not like it would be a massive shock or anything.

When I was pregnant I'd put on 3 stone and a man I worked with said to me you've put hardly any weight on, I said oh I have. He replied what about a stone that's not much.. Bless him.. Hand on heart I burst into tears 😂. I don't think men notice weight as much as women do
. Chill.. Don't mention your weight or size

Op, you’re not big but there is no point continuing if he’s a wanker. There is also no point you worrying. Send him a snap that you think is a realistic representation of you. Don’t be saying anything about your weight.

I also think you’re probably smaller than you think you look.

Thanks again for all your lovely comments  @Bluntness100 not sure if you saw but I mentioned earlier that I've already sent him 1 body pic. I just think I look a lot skinner in the picture than what I really am. I sent the same pic to my friend and she said I was being ridiculous and that's exactly how I look face to face maybe I'm just overthinking it. I'm really nervous! X

Firstly, size 14 is not big. At all! Secondly, i think its always best to be honest when online dating. I met my OH online, and I was very clear on my profile that I was a 'bbw'. It did not deter anyone, and I still had loads of interest from men.

What? You aren't even that big! You clearly have some issues though.

@Oblomov20

My ex used to have an issue with my weight (would never openly admit to it though) and would always make comments so I think that's why I'm a lot more conscious of it now.

^^ I mentioned this earlier in the thread. Admittedly I definitely have some sort of issue with my weight, but it's something that I'm trying to work on.

People usually look bigger in pics than in real life, so in the words of “Sunscreen”:

You are not as fat as you think you are.

I’ve been a size 16 for twenty years and never had any trouble getting my end away!

Yes sleepy, I've had a grown man run from my bed at 2am once he'd seen me naked and then another who after date 2 told me to go away and lose 2 stone because then I'd be perfect and that was 3 stone ago when I was a 14
All the best op, I'm sure I've had all the shallow twats so your date will be lovely by the law of averages 😉

I was honest about it, because the weight is at a level which most people would find difficult (if we are being honest), unlike when it was a case of me being a 14-16 at 5'4" which isn't the end of the earth at all compared to now.
But this is also something I feel inclined to mention to people because I don't respond well to rejection so I prefer to get it over and done with before I'm overly invested in something or someone.

14 isn't big. If your friend has ok'd the photo as a reasonable representation of how you actually look you need to park the worry and give yourself a break x

If you're keen on losing weight, now's the time to start exercising. But do it for you.

I'm fairly slim and enjoy exercise. The important thing for me would be too find a bloke who also exercised so we had that in common. If someone was very overweight the issue for me would be more about why - do they go to the pub every night, do they have takeaways five times a week? Would they rather watch football on TV all weekend instead of going for a bike ride?. If so we wouldn't be compatible.

Your potential man might be thinking the same thing - it's not how you look that could be an issue but sort of why...

Good friends will always tell you you're being silly and you look fab. Not necessarily lying but they know the whole you and see you as lovely. That might not be how other people see you if looking superficially.

If it was me, and I really liked him, i'd post a full body pic where you don't think you look thinner and see how it goes.

It'll filter out the ones that you don't want anyway! .

I wouldn’t mention it but I’d send a couple more snaps over the next week or so with your body in so he gets a realistic expectation of your size.

Also don’t see as losing weight now (before you met him) as doing it for him/a man... just see him as inspiration to lose it!

I find it much easier to stick too when I have a goal.. your goal can be your date!

Oh for goodness sake, she doesn't need to justify herself to a stranger.
Who will not be perfect himself.
Everyone knows you only say the good stuff on OLD.
If he doesn't realise that women come in different shapes and sizes and that's normal then he's a twat anyway and not worth dating.
If he wants a 'skinny' woman he finds that most attractive then I sugget he writes that on his profile( so women know to avoid).
It's all about the chemistry when you meet. If it's not there when you meet because of your weight, like i said, he's not worth dating.

If he's seen recent, full body, photos of you there is no need. Mentioning it risks making you look a bit neurotic.

@NoCaseToAnswer - I can promise you that my friend is extremely honest. She's the one that tells me that my eyebrows need sorting or that she can see my roots etc. She wouldn't have a problem at all telling me if I was too fat/ too skinny. But I agree with your comments in regards to posting a full body pic, it's something that I'll definitely do in the future if this date doesn't work out.

And yes, 100% I do want to lose weight and it's something that I'm focussing on now!

I met someone before lockdown and had a couple of dates, he is keen to meet up again but mentioned on one of our calls recently that he's not keen on fat women, I'm certainly not slim so no doubt when we meet up again he'll run a mile !!

I think you should send a 'realistic' photo.

This also goes for people that wear a lot of make up, men that are a lot skinnier and less buff than in their photos, or a very thin woman with a photo that makes her look like Jessica Rabbit!

I have an unusual feature (wont say what as it is outing) and I have been on a couple of dates where I see them spot it and they look a bit awkward I've never deliberately hidden it, but it is nowhere near my face so doesnt show often in photos.

It's not because you have anything to 'confess', more to save the initial potentially awkward moment and to save your time and energy if it was a deal breaker for him.

Good luck!

PS forgot to say, dont say why you're sending it, just find a nice pic where you're doing something (like on holiday), then drop it into conversation then send the pic. It will be fine!

@Wolfgirrl I've already sent a full body pic to him, he didn't say anything. I think it's just my own insecurities. I'm always doubting myself due to past relationships. Thank you

No absolutely not, get out there and be 100% confident even if you don't feel it.
I wouldn't admit to having a bad temper or being intolerant to men before a date

Once you start being apologetic for being you even before you meet it's game over.