If your talking to a new man and are overweight would you mention it before meeting?

[winnerwinnerchickendinner7]

Just as the title saids really. Been speaking with a man online for around two weeks now. Obviously we can't meet due to the current situation but he seems really keen to spend time together once all this is over, has invited me out for a drink/meal. Although it's early days we seem to get on really well, share some of the same interests, he makes the effort to call/text every day. Conversation is easy which I like.

The only thing is, he's in very good shape as where I'm not. From what I understand he goes to the gym regularly and it's sort of a hobby of his. I used to be fairly skinny but over the years have put more and more weight on, I would say I'm roughly a size 14 but because I'm short I don't carry it very well. I wouldn't say I'm obese but I definitely have a belly and huge thighs/bum . I'm not 100% happy with the way I look and it's definitely something that I'm focusing on but with work, general life etc it may take a while to sort out. Also, if I'm going to lose weight then I want it to be for me, not because of someone else.

My question is, should I tell him? I thought it would be better to mention it beforehand as I don't want to be seen as a cat fish (I definitely look like the person in my photos as I don't use filters etc but I don't take many photos of my body, normally just my face). I wouldn't want him to feel disappointed if we ever met. Should I slip it into conversation? What do you think?

@writergirl007 I have probably put on a stone and a bit over the last couple or years, also taking me to a size 14. This is mainly due to a chronic pain issue in my foot, which started when I was a very healthy weight and got worse over time. Thankfully the problem has finally eased following physio and I'm losing weight.

Just in case you think that all overweight people are that way because they only watch TV and eat 'five takeaways' a week.

OP, I think full body pics are a good idea. I think we should all try to be as transparent as possible when dating.

This is why I don't waste time chatting I meet up straight away because if you don't like the person you have been talking to for ages after the evening you've wasted an awful lot of time.
I don't discuss anything about myself on line I just go straight for a first meeting then if I'm not keen I'll end it as soon as possible.
I made the mistake just the once of chatting to someone for two months before meeting and got way too over involved online.
The first meeting I knew instantly across the room I couldn't go out with him. He was dirty, extremely smelly with lank and very greasy hair and had clearly never brushed his teeth and in person faced with a human being was totally unable to converse.
Unfortunately he had read more into our online chat than I wanted over the months and it was difficult detaching, there were a lot of angry emails from him.
It sounds mean but I won't go out with someone with very poor personal hygiene.

@KatDubs261 - I 100% agree with you. I hardly ever eat takeaways and I'm constantly on my feet due to work as I have quite a physical job. The reason why my weight has been so up and down over the last few years is because I have an under active thyroid. Admittedly I could try harder and eat a bit healthier. I can't put the blame entirely on my thyroid but it is a contributing factor. (Sorry to drip feed).

@madcatladyforever this is my thought process too. I wish I could just meet him now rather than waste time chatting on WhatsApp and over the phone but hey ho, it will just have to wait. Bloody lockdown!

@KatDubs261
That wasn't what I was trying to say at all. You might not be slightly overweight due to takeways etc but there are certainly people who are.

Personally I'd be incomptable with those people but not people like you with a medical condition but healthy lifestyle.

Probably going to get flamed but id at least post a full body pic so there are no surprises. You don't sound very big but it would be humiliating if he didn't want to meet again after because you weren't honest.
Id be a bit disappointed if a guy had only posted a headshot and turned out that he was overweight and hiding it. Doesn't mean I wouldn't fancy them but I think it's good to know what a person really looks like in the interest of honesty.

Let's not forget that there are plenty of people who are actively attracted to, and seek out, larger women. It's not that they're deigning to look past her physical appearance to what's on the inside or personality, they are attracted to and like larger women (as well as what's inside, hopefully!).

I would never have believed this myself until I met my last partner. I was so convinced by the prevailing narrative that only slim bodies are desirable. And they are to some men, I know, but I now see this whole issue from a different perspective.

For all the difficulties in that relationship, this is one thing I'll be eternally grateful for: the ending of feelings of shame about my body.

Not that I think the OP is particularly large at size 14, even if not on the tall side.

All the best to you OP.

I understand what you're saying @writergirl007. I like to date people who enjoy activities such as hiking or climbing for similar reasons.

Just wanted to offer a different viewpoint as weight gain isnt always due to eating fatty foods etc. It was a point of ignorance I came across amongst people a lot when my chronic pain was really bad.

14 isnt big at all, however I would add some full body pics that definately represent your shape, not flattering ones. Im a very big girl and I mention it early if things are going well, as I learnt early on that there are some fellas who its an issue for. If it does put him off then hes not the guy for you.

I also don’t look as big in photos but I’m a 14-16 and look bigger in person. When I was doing online dating I had at least 4 guys call things off after the first date or two because they thought I was bigger than what they expected. It ruined my confidence for ages and I was absolutely gutted. Some men can be very shallow and hurtful and you definitely need a thick skin for OLD

The best thing you can wear at any time is your smile & your confidence !

If he doesn't like you, them that is his great loss !

I think it is great that you have sent him a full body photo as that is all part of finding out about people as much as you can before you actually meet.

The only thing that worries me is with this particular guy that you said he goes to the gym a lot and it is a hobby for him. So you may find that you have different priorities in life. But on the plus side, that hasn't put you off him! And he still seems keen on you .

I would get on and meet 2m apart if i were you because it sounds like you are investing an awful lot into someone you don't know. Best of luck.

Forget uploading pictures.

Use zoom, skype, WhatsApp or any video chat where you can both see and talk to each other.
You may not care for his appearance.

At least you won't have the same problems that the botox brigade have at the moment!
The lack of botox is going to result in a rapid aging of all those tight unblemished faces.......

It's been a long time since I was OLD (married to dh for 10 years), but if I was meeting someone on OLD, I would want them to know what I looked like, so this would include a photo where they obviously can see my body type. I would want to make sure I didn't attract any dickheads who only want someone who is a size 6. I wouldn't say, 'oh, I think you need to know that I'm overweight' though. I think it would be obvious from my photos that I'm not a supermodel, but I also don't think it's a big deal. If someone wants to meet you, great, carry on.