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Original poster

new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

761 replies

SenselessUbiquity · 12/05/2020 14:49

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

  • following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
  • saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
  • somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

OP posts:
firebrand123 · 26/05/2020 17:46

Me either, @blubberball! It's like they can't even be bothered to try to deal with loneliness and separation...

blubberball · 26/05/2020 18:16

That won't make any one any money.

Mascotte · 26/05/2020 18:54

People just need to decide themselves. Risk assess and go for it.

firebrand123 · 26/05/2020 18:56

Yeah. I used to have hope for the bubbles thing, I have zero hope now. And if it’s ok to drive from London to Durham while actually infected, then...

Lweji · 26/05/2020 19:01

It's all about what risk we are prepared to take and how vulnerable household members are.

Here in Portugal, many hospital staff have stayed away from their immediate family to avoid transmitting anything.
My own brother and SIL have kept their kids with their grandparents (in isolation since very few cases) and just seen them outdoors every week or so.

I only kept away from partner because we might have been exposed initially. He's over 50 and a little bit overweight, plus elderly parents.

Bramblebear92 · 26/05/2020 20:32

Every time I have a glimmer of hope it gets dashed. Why are we only countries that has given this zero consideration. I'm so pissed off and just see no end in sight.

Lweji · 26/05/2020 21:03

Look, we're adults and there's no actual Big Brother yet.
If you want and feel it's ok to meet your partner, do it. If you want more than just meet at 2 meters, then do it. If you want more, then do it too.
Boris Johnson is certainly not going to show up at your door demanding to know why you're seeing your significant other.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 26/05/2020 21:16

Spoke to my DBro today and he presumed I’d have been seeing DP all along. I don’t think most sane people would judge us for doing so - it generally doesn’t occur to people that we’d take the guidelines so literally! But I guess when it doesn’t affect you, it’s easy to miss that it hasn’t really been addressed except in that very first one, where we were told to move in together or not see each other Hmm

firebrand123 · 26/05/2020 22:05

except in that very first one, where we were told to move in together or not see each other

That's the thing, others might not have listened to that but a lot of us did and took it seriously

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 26/05/2020 22:07

That's the thing, others might not have listened to that but a lot of us did and took it seriously That’s it, it was all totally new then and there was so much info to take in about furlough etc that a little aside, without thinking through the actual consequences, and then tumbleweed for weeks.

firebrand123 · 26/05/2020 22:09

Exactly @MarkRuffaloCrumble , it was an afterthought in response to a question and we've had nothing more since.

GreasyFryUp · 26/05/2020 22:11

I've seen mine once. Social distancing. Glad we did even though it was a bit weird. Seeing him properly will create rather a large bubble with two vulnerable people in it. We've not discussed this though yet, although I'd like to once I've discussed it with my ex and his partner. I feel it's our decision to make not the governnent's.

Mascotte · 26/05/2020 22:14

Just see each other!

dazzlinghaze · 27/05/2020 00:03

I've been quietly seeing my boyfriend at the weekends the whole time. He's either been driving to stay at mine or picking me up and driving me to his and we've had no issues, never been stopped while in the car etc.

I think it's very easy for people who are at home with their husbands or still living with their parents to judge because they're not faced with the loneliness of it. I have depression which I manage with medication and spending time with my loved ones and I decided I just wasn't putting myself through the possibility of a big mental health setback. And thankfully my boyfriend agreed he wasn't willing to not see me for an indefinite amount of time either. It might make me a terrible person but I really don't feel guilty about it, I need to look after myself first and foremost. I'm abiding by the rules in all other aspects but I just wasn't willing to comply on this one thing. I also haven't experienced any judgement from my family/friends who know what I'm doing (not to my face anyway!).

It's made this entire situation much easier. Of course I miss my friends and my family but knowing I'll get to see him and have a cuddle etc at the end of the week has really kept me going.

I think it's so cruel how single people and people who live alone have been completely forgotten about and I would urge anyone in a similar situation as me to just do the same. Especially now as we're this far down the line and still not being considered.

blubberball · 27/05/2020 06:49

I wouldn't judge any one for that. It's not like having a big party or a BBQ. We're allowed to go to work, kids are going back to school. We've all been going to the shops any way.

chickenorfish · 27/05/2020 09:13

Every time I have a glimmer of hope it gets dashed. Why are we only countries that has given this zero consideration. I'm so pissed off and just see no end in sight.

Totally agree with this. They have no consideration for how separation and loneliness is affecting people who can't see their loved ones. And it's more difficult for those with partners or family in different parts of the UK, with England loosening their lockdown while Wales, Scotand and NI still have it strictly enforced, stopping anyone entering or leaving. Just give us some hope or some idea of a timescale, surely it's not too much to ask!

Mascotte · 27/05/2020 09:39

It's in the Scottish route map as one of the very last things.

OhMsBeliever · 27/05/2020 10:24

I only started seeing my boyfriend in February so this has been a bit of a challenge, but he's been fantastic. I had to self isolate with my kids when I had symptoms and he did some shopping for us. (Dropped off on the doorstep)

I didn't really think how long this would last and it's been very hard not seeing him. He lives alone and is a sociable person, unlike me, so although he's been fairly positive I think it has been hard for him.

We've met up a few times now for socially distant exercise, but last time we didn't distance ourselves very well. Grin He's still worried about us being close in case I get ill, I worry the same, but I'd much rather live our lives than be terrified of intimacy for the foreseeable future.

PinkMonkeyBird · 27/05/2020 10:54

@OhMsBeliever I think now a lot of us have reached the point of having to weigh up the risks and do what we need to do. I'm a relationship of nearly 8 months and we haven't seen each other for over 2 months now. We are both rule followers and believed sticking to them was for the greater good etc, but now after the DC debacle and people flocking to beaches, it has made me so angry.

In my situation,We are in a LDR I have one older teen/young adult at home and they spend 7-10 days here and then at their dad's. I've been working on my own and he WFH. We have no other contact with people besides the shopping at the supermarket. So, the next time my DC goes to their dad's I or my DP will travel to visit and stay with each other.

Coffeeandbeans · 27/05/2020 11:48

It’s a judgement call. The govt is not going to tell us we can all start visiting each other’s houses - if Covid peaks again we would then blame the govt for it. So You need to look at the risks. If you are not vulnerable or elderly I believe you need to make the decision as to what to do. If you are vulnerable, shielded others are at risk then you probably need to stay indoors. If you are not, well our local Next has opened today, so is it safer to visit next or your boyfriends house....your call.

YummiestBut · 27/05/2020 16:42

My BF is coming over tonight. This will be the 3rd time he has stayed. He is working but in a place where distance is easy. He hasn't been into a shop since his last Covid-19 test - just home and work.

I stuck religiously to the rules for 9 weeks, now I've had enough.

I'm shielding.

dollface19 · 27/05/2020 22:11

Mine stayed last week and last night and it was heavennnnn
We stuck to it for 8 weeks
Torture.
We are all forgotten and to hell with our MH too etc
We are still rule following with regards to social distancing if we have to shop but we don't visit anyone else's homes. Both WFH
Even harder for us we are in wales

Bramblebear92 · 27/05/2020 22:38

I'd have seen mine a few weeks back (we're on week 13 apart) but he was very reluctant still. Part of that was because he was working and in an area with a low infection rate (SW, though I think it's increased.) He's just lost his job though so I think he might be a bit more willing as he was previously worrying about spreading it from London to where he works in the SW. London infection rate is lower than the SW now though so that's a mute point.

My only concern really is him being stopped by police when travelling (he'd have to get public transport as doesn't drive) and/or my neighbours reporting something. I think it's quite unlikely but who knows.

It's my Birthday next week and I was really hoping we'd get to spend the weekend together, but I'd imagine it's unlikely unless he's had a real change of heart since we last touched on it.

JovialNickname · 28/05/2020 02:04

I know this is going to be contentious, but does anybody have any respect or genuine desire for a man that this far into lockdown (over 2 months now) who still won't see you unless Boris says yes? Obviously if they are living with someone that is shielding, or are themselves, that's different. But if you're with an otherwise fit and healthy male under 60, is it not a turn off that he's such a beta male? The alpha males (ie people in charge) are doing what they want and we just have to swallow that....isn't it a turn off if your man says no, I'll do as I'm told? For me my head would say yes but my loins would say no.

blubberball · 28/05/2020 06:15

My bf would have said Bollocks to the rules from the beginning, but it was me that was worrying. I love him so much that he has not once pressured me, or made me feel bad or stupid for wanting to be careful. I'm hoping to see him next week, which will be my decision weighing up the risks. I don't think that he can quite believe that I actually want to. 😅

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