My MIL is competing with me?

[Transformer123]

I'm starting to wonder whether my MIL is competing with me. Would be good to hear from anyone who's experienced similar?

My MIL showed no interest in sewing. I bought some lovely fabric to make my baby daughter a blanket. When I showed her the fabric (we bought it whilst visiting her), she acted oddly - stared at it blankly and said nothing. Then, she booked herself onto a sewing class and made my daughter a set of clothes for her doll.

Next, I said that I wanted to become a Pilates instructor. Next thing I know, she attends Pilates three times a week and it has become her 'thing' - she talks about it all the time. Previously she attended no exercise classes. As it happens, I had an illness which meant I am limited physically, so I dropped that idea.

My illness means that Yoga is a better option. I mention to MIL that I am doing a bit of Yoga instead. She started doing Yoga too, and is now posting photos of herself on FB in Yoga poses....

Whilst it's great that she's achieving things, I just have a feeling that she wouldn't be doing it if I hadn't mentioned that I was! It's starting to feel like she's trying to compete, which I feel uneasy about.

Clit piercing?

oh the fun you could have!!!

I would stop involving her, it's weird, but you can pick up so many hobbies. MN is the best place to give you wonderful ideas for your MIL

Thank you for sharing your experiences too xx

No, she has never acknowledged that I gave her the ideas. She acts like they were her own ideas.

I don't think I'm going to pity her for losing her son to me though. We met when her son was 30 years old, and we are now 40. I think she needs to get over it!

She's an intelligent woman, so I think she would see through ridiculous suggestions of what I'm into! But I think that keeping quiet about what I'm doing is a good idea, and perhaps I could put a few believeable hobby ideas into the mix!

Tell her you are knitting your DH a Christmas jumper. Maybe he will take notice when he opens his monstrosity on Christmas day.

@ footywife...
Again, so true....
I felt threatened by my MIL, but years later, realised it was my own insecurities that had fed into this way of thinking.

She had lost two babies very early on in their lives , one a very late miscarriage..and it must have been tragic for her and her husband.
My DH was their only surviving offspring.

Seeing things with the passing of time, when one's own son finds a GF, you may have more of an understanding.

It is likely that OP's MIL misses her 'son'....and time passes so swiftly that it isn't long before we too become the dreaded 'MIL'.

Making felt pictures of biblical scenes is a good one! x

Does she have a daughter?
Being charitable, maybe she is trying to get that mother-daughter closeness often proclaimed as normal.
Does she resent you 'taking' DH away and is trying to keep up with you to kid herself she is as close to him now as she was when he was 5?

Or you could take up yoni massage. (Don't ask, just search for old threads on here)

Yes, she has a daughter x

I've been married 30 years, after year one I learned not to tell mil anything
You can have some fun with this. Tell her you're going to do something really outlandish, and wait for her to take the bait, then carry on with your yoga etc.
She might be trying to keep young and is influenced by you, as annoying as it is.
You could keep asking her for new stuff to sew for your dd, until she gets fed up.
I'm sure your dd dolls will need all manner of bed sets and clothing. Give her a list

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Think of something you would really like doing e.g. your family tree and with any luck mil will do dh's side for you.

It’s actually from a cutting read out on the News Quiz about an item for sale. It was a framed representation of The Last Supper made out of fuzzy felt, but they’d run out of bits so one of the apostles was a tractor

You need to start to control the flow of info.MIL doesn't need to know what you're doing because she is clearly just going to try and out do you. I have had similar issues. PiL seem nice but MIL is deeply insecure, quite narcissistic and everyone has pandered to her moods and tantrums. Every toy we bought DD she then bought one 'for her house' so we now just dont tell her or show her what we've bought. She appears to be desperate for people to prefer her and her house, and I don't think it's ever occurred to her that this would be inappropriate my with my daughter. Posting photos of yourself in yoga poses is quite attention seeking behaviour (unless your an instructor) so is she looking for an identity or likes do you think? I also find that any info MIL gets tends to be used against me and leaves me feeling sour. DD is teething and has been up all hours so I'm shattered. Dh mentioned I was tired on a video call to PIL and MIL was really rude to me about parenting is a 24/7 job, she was never tired with his DC who always slept and basically how ungrateful I am of being at home with DD because she would do better and not complain. She appears to want to make herself look good by putting others down or being better. She then denies any of this was said or took place. Both of her DC grew up with serious MH which she also denies. It's an unwinnable war so just create some distance and grey rock.

Tell her you've taken up quilting. Download a new photo of somebody else's quilt and send it to her pretending you made it each week. She'll never keep up!

Only one thing ever makes someone behave in this kind of competitive way: insecurity. There's a reason that old chestnut 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery' became a cliche: because it's true.

There are worse things in-laws could do. It's childish and makes her look foolish, but it isn't outright rudeness or aggression and I'd even be inclined to be a little sorry for her. That said I 'get' that its irritating when someone trails your every move in this way. Stick her on an information diet, deploy grey rock and talk to her about the weather. Who knows?, she might eventually get bored and give up.

@mama3bear i was going to say the same thing. Skydiving anyone? 😂

Do you not have a sudden urge to do a bungee jump op? whistles innocently

@Transformer123 does your husband also talk to her about your hobbies? If so, would it be possible to ask him to stop but in an unsuspecting way? For instance, saying that you’ve noticed a lot of people (over)sharing their quarantine hobby improvements and you’d like to keep it yourself for now.

Tell her that you are taking a vow of silence. You cannot communicate in any way.

I wonder if she’s lonely and is trying to bond. Maybe take her out for regular lunches?

tell her you a doing an online degree course and you love it - that should keep her nicely occupied.

What you're planning to do is the sensible thing; I'd be tempted to throw a few ridiculous things in as well. As you say, she's an intelligent woman and won't believe you and won't copy you, but if she mentions it to you then you can laugh about it and perhaps even add "I wondered if you'd take that up too!" which should be enough to bring her round to thinking about what she's been doing, and it might stop her doing it in future.

A friend of mine used to do this - I don't really post on social media, I keep it mainly for seeing what old friends are up to but at one point when I was redesigning every room in the house post divorce, I kept seeing her social media posts with the latest thing she'd bought - on average just a couple of weeks after I'd bought them and shown her. It was irritating and I found it a bit creepy.

I let the friendship go in the end, which you obviously cant do with a MIL but you can limit what you tell her.

I love the idea of telling her something outrageous to see if she copies but I would never have the gumption to do something like that!

I think you are just being bitchy.
This is how problems/fall outs with in-laws start.
Just go with the flow. She's not doing any harm.

My SIL is a bit like this. I always wanted to go on a particular holiday & asked if we should all go together with the kids. She turned her nose up & said she wouldn't be interested in going there but then went ahead & booked it for her own family (which is fine if they just wanted to do their own thing) & when she came back she raved about how amazing it was & really rubbed my nose in it. She even went for a career that I said I'd love but not in a position to train for at the moment & she got in there before me (completely out of the blue & after I'd said it) & is being really patronising to me saying you should just go for it!

As for my MIL... I tell her nothing!!! She loves to see me fail & will tell everyone if someone failed an exam or they've quit something but keeps her mouth shut if someone does something well or achieves something. The mind boggles!

She sounds really annoying! My exs mum can be a bit like that but it was over my pregnancy. Whenever the exs dad asked anything about my pregnancy she would jump in and answer the question because she has been pregnant before you know!

Sounds like my sister who is incredibly jealous of me. At ten years my senior there is not much I've done that she hasn't (more so when I was younger) and she can't bear this to be the case. From going to a certain holiday location weeks before mum and I and then bragging about it (she'd been invited but didn't want to come with us) to trying to learn my unusual degree subject, and starting a PhD shortly after me (despite not showing the slightest interest in academia since getting her degree 20 years earlier). She also send to be under the impression my friends were simply waiting to meet her.

I'm very low contact with her, and try not to tell my mother anything I don't want her to know till the last minute. I didn't tell my mother I was going to America till two weeks beforehand as I knew my sister would be on a plane there first of she could.