My MIL is competing with me?

[Transformer123]

I'm starting to wonder whether my MIL is competing with me. Would be good to hear from anyone who's experienced similar?

My MIL showed no interest in sewing. I bought some lovely fabric to make my baby daughter a blanket. When I showed her the fabric (we bought it whilst visiting her), she acted oddly - stared at it blankly and said nothing. Then, she booked herself onto a sewing class and made my daughter a set of clothes for her doll.

Next, I said that I wanted to become a Pilates instructor. Next thing I know, she attends Pilates three times a week and it has become her 'thing' - she talks about it all the time. Previously she attended no exercise classes. As it happens, I had an illness which meant I am limited physically, so I dropped that idea.

My illness means that Yoga is a better option. I mention to MIL that I am doing a bit of Yoga instead. She started doing Yoga too, and is now posting photos of herself on FB in Yoga poses....

Whilst it's great that she's achieving things, I just have a feeling that she wouldn't be doing it if I hadn't mentioned that I was! It's starting to feel like she's trying to compete, which I feel uneasy about.

I have a friend who is a lot like this. I love her to bits, I really do. I want to say that before I write this and sound like a dick.

Anyway often I'll say something and she'll take the idea and make out it's been her idea for ages and that i got the idea from her. Most of the time I roll my eyes but there has been a couple of occasions where I've got pissed off, largely because shes used her financial advantage

1. I wanted to do a hobby course, itd never been mentioned before, I told her and said I was saving to start the course in 12 weeks time, I was super excited. She didnt say a word about being interested in it but then suddenly she was doing the course. She could afford to do straight away and she did rub it in my face big time.

2. I told her about a niche thing in was making for my kids, again it was something that had never been discussed and it is a cool idea. She spent a lot of money buying the thing and got it out tonger kids first and again rubbed it in my face a bit. My kids loved the thing I made and its special because its homemade but it narked me a bit.

Since then I dont tell her things until I'm well involved. I ignore her most of the time or try and encourage her and get involved together as we are friends. The hobby course I'd have loved to do together and was narked she pinched my idea and got in first

Tattoos and a fake lip ring. Or take up crochet or tell her you're doing a charity parachute jump, stamp collecting.

I'm sure other posters can come up with far better imaginary hobbies

Your MIL sounds like my sister, so I pity you (and any poor future DILs my sister has). I try and distance myself from my sister because it is so annoying but at family events I just have to grit my teeth while she pontificates loudly about things she heard from me and I actually know more about.

She is competitive about everything - she even managed to somehow be best at breastfeeding (don't ask me how, I breastfed too, she is so mental you give up).

If this is her personality I assure you nothing will change her. Minimise what you tell her, be polite and aloof and never, ever engage because you just can't win with these types.

My MIL is competitively baking against me during this lockdown. Everything DP has told her I've made or Dniece has mentioned after a FaceTime call, there's been her version of it dropped on our doorstep the next day. There's only so much bread we can eat 🙈 I've asked DP to stop telling and to ask her to stop dropping food down but 🤷🏻‍♀️

One of my brothers used to do this to excess. If I got a hobby or a gadget he did the same then when overdrive to do it more and better. It drove me nuts. I started hiding the truth and making up mad stuff. Grim.

Yes as several pp have said, I'd just stop telling her your plans.

Buy her the film 'Single White Female' and tell her to watch and see if reminds her of anyone........

stop sharing information and she cant copy you.....the fact she is expects your DH to share positive news with her rather than his wife/life partner does suggest it is competitive....so disengage

Pursue what you want to do and don't share.

But do tell her you're taking up other 'interesting' activities as others have suggested then sit back and enjoy the reaction. Might I suggest things that can be done at home under current conditions: Miming? Rapping? Pole dancing? The violin? Dominatrix training?

She's competitive and insecure - fab combination! Don't pander to her.

@NoGravyForYou can you tell her you've started distilling your own vodka or making wine. At least that way you can get pissed on her

You could think laterally and have fun with this! Start by saying you're designing your first tattoo. She'll probably get a sleeve And keep your own hobbies to yourself.

Either don't tell her anything (the sensible option) or tell her completely made up stuff that you wouldn't dream of doing (what I'd do)

My own mother does this with both DH and I and my brother and SIL. It's not competition, it's just finding new things to try that your MIL maybe hasn't come across before

Does she acknowledge that you 'introduced' her to these things or try to bond with you over them? I wondered if she could just want you to like her and is going about it in an annoying way!

But if not I would try to ignore her and keep your favourite hobbies to yourself for your own enjoyment.

Oooh @copycopypaste you're on to something now! Gonna FaceTime DN soon and tell her I'm learning to make cocktails for DP, how soon before I have some arriving at the door for him 🤣🤣

Oh yes a tattoo with dh's name on!

Or bungee jumping/sky diving/ scuba diving.....the fun you could have.

But tbh she sounds nuts. And dh sounds a bit numb to it.

I meant fake tattoo.

Maybe have a little bit of compassion with the woman. She obviously loves her son, and suddenly she's lost him to someone else. It sounds to me like she's feeling pushed out and is trying to find things in common with you so she feels involved.

You say you have a baby daughter. Please remember this thread in 20 years time when your daughter is spending all her time with her partner and you feel pushed out.

Keeping things from her will only bite you on the bottom in the long run. You'll come across as nasty and spiteful and all these goading you on here with be nowhere to be seen.

Or a really really expensive hobby - tell her you've bought a dressage competition horse and you're looking forward to competing when everything opens up again.

See if she bankrupts herself in the interests of 'oneupmanship'.

@SomeBunny
This...I think you are quite perceptive :)

At the time, we thought it was weirdly competitive. Now looking back, having known her for a long time, I think she was trying to connect with him over something she’d never had time to invest in and was just going about it a little strangely.

It is possibly a 'connection' thing with the cooking.
I was never a great cook, but DS's GF cooks and bakes...no way I could ever compete..I'm just glad she does it as I sometimes benefit ..coming home from a walk, I found a lovely cookie left by the front door :)

It must be maddening but it’s really rather pathetic behaviour. I might mention that you’re thinking of learning to juggle or interested in making felt pictures of biblical scenes ...

Yes, I would pity the woman, no doubt about that.

I find it really weird when women feel like they’ve ‘lost their son’ when he forms a strong relationship, and the same for men with their daughters. Firstly, they’re not your possession, and secondly they were not, and never should be, in a relationship with you! It’s unhealthy to be that psychologically and emotionally wrapped up in your child. But that’s a discussion for another day...

Anyway, just don’t tell her anything meaningful from now on. If you want to amuse yourself by telling her increasingly silly things as a distraction technique, I’d say that’s perfectly fine.

Mostly just practice shrugging and feeling sorry for her (or, if you’re more generous than I am, you could practice compassion).

Yep, this could be fun OP

My best was musical instruments. To become good you have to practice for hundreds of hours. It keeps them busy. I had to fake being interested in new genres of music, e.g. Jazz, or pretending I was interested in learning, say, a few Beatles songs. I also had to fake taking my musical education seriously, which in reality I very did not.