Cheater and karma

[Nev85]

Hi,

I'm just wondering...do cheaters ever get karma?

Long story short, I was cheated on by fiance who then went on to quickly marry OW when I wouldnt take him back...I was devastated. It's been 18 months and I still feel stuck going over the details...lockdown hasnt helped.

It seems like he can just get to change lives and love on while I'm left behind devastated...

Does anyone have experience on whether these new relationships/marriages based on lies and receipt last?

I have no idea Nev.

Unfortunately Karma isnt a real thing.
At present your fixation on karma appears to be stopping you from moving on.

Focus on your own life, happiness, and moving forward and put your ex in your rear view mirror.

All thats happening is he is getting on with his life and you are stuck in the past. Youre the only person that can change that, by forgetting about him and focusing on you.

It will get easier for you and you will find someone else if that’s what you want.

The Karma for your ex and his wife is they will forever know how their relationship started, neither of them have any morals, he cheated on you and if he can do it to you he can do it to anyone, she knows her new husband is capable of it, she will forever be wondering if he will cheat on her.

For him, he knows his new wife has no morals, she will quite gladly go into a relationship with someone else no matter what his relationship status was, which has a high chance that she won’t care what her relationship status is, so he will forever be wondering if she will cheat on him!

How they found each other will be how they lose each other.

Did she know he tried to get back with you?

No such thing as karma. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad ones every day.
Just got to keep trying to put it behind you and move on.

My ex cheated on me with the woman he went onto marry. She knew about me. They moved away and were married nearly 20 years. I was in a toilet at a local pub during a festival and over heard a drunk conversation of a woman crying over her husband who'd she'd left as he'd been cheating on her and her friend consoling her. Came out to see it was OW who was being cheated on by ex. Not gonna lie 20+ years one my glee was palpable. As they say what goes around comes around and if you're lucky enough you get to see it okay out. When she saw it was me she scuttled off, I like to think embarrassed that she got served the same treatment that she had exacted on me. Ah. God it was good! As for you, your life isn't stuck. He chose to move his along, so can you but it takes mental effort to box him off, you'll get there.

There's no such thing as karma unfortunately, otherwise rapists etc wouldn't go on to live normal lives.

He might act the same with his current OH though, and then she might boot him out.

Sooner or later something bad happens to everyone. Then you can watch and laugh.

How is it karma if the man who fucked you over goes on to fuck someone else over? Karma would be if she had cheated on him, so that he then suffered the heartbreak he inflicted on you.

Karma doesn't exist. Truly the only 'revenge' on earth is to make your own life better without him. Other people's misery won't give you happiness back, only you can do that for yourself.

Nah not going to lie, it made me feel good and it absolutely put paid to my fear that had both acted like twats but had gone on to live happily ever after. I'm glad they didn't, cheats don't deserve to 👍

Thanks everyone for your messages. I think I know karma really doesnt exist...its just hard to comprehend that he just made a whole new life for himself after treating me so badly.

I've done everything I can to try to move on but I think all this time without friends and hobbies during lockdown has gotten me down and set me back a bit.

@Everythinginred I really doubt he told her he begged to come home while living with her...I certainly didnt tell her. He never contacted me again after that last conversation where he wanted to come home to me.

I have kept out of anything to do with them. I phoned her when I found out initially that he was cheating and she really didnt seem to care much at all. I wonder what lies he had told her...he lied to everybody...no shame. I think that's the hard part aswell knowing all the lies he told...I wouldnt believe how devious he can be if I hadn't experienced it for myself.

Karma doesn't exist. Sometimes people do bad things have bad things happen to them, sonetumesvthey don't.

You are assuming he is going to live a happy life and you wont and that is at the root ot of your pain. If you carry on thinking this way, yes, you will remain unhappy but that will be of your own doing.

You need to mentally let this man go. He was not the man for you. Open yourself up to a happier life by letting go of the past and stop comparing your current lives.

That chapter is closed for good reason. He was untrustworthy and let you down. A man like that was not going to bring you happiness. It was good he left.

My ex cheated. I know I don't have to look myself in the mirror and see someone who did that to three people who loved him dearly Me, our 2 DDs I don't have to carry that around as much as it still hurts over a year on.

I don't care about karma. Caring about karma means I still care about what happens to him. I'd rather feel nothing. Meh.

I use the anger I still have to propel me onto a better life for me and my DDs.

Whilst it can be consoling to hear of someone who has been awful getting their comeuppance, I think the general idea of Karma is linked to the idea that life is 'fair'.

It isn't. Life is NOT fair. We have to get on with our lives knowing that.

However, it is fine to be hurt and to feel emotionally adrift, that's human nature so don't beat yourself up for having feelings. Can you talk with a counsellor about how to move on emotionally perhaps? Start to see a happier place for yourself?

I don't believe in karma but if you're a bastard then you tend to put yourself in difficult situations with equally bastartdly people. It doesn't always end well

My exh cheated on me and was a general shit. He's now renting a house with little to no chance of buying, has a string of ex girlfriends and can't seem to keep any (plus he's never come off any dating websites so I figure they either found out or he's up to his usual shitty behaviour). I am almost at the stage of owning my house outright, good job, great relationship with my dc, happily married to a wonderful man. My ex every now and again tells me he wished he was still in our family unit. Yeah fuck off fuck face

Any man who is capable of behaving like he did, doesn’t deserve you. I understand the difficulty in seeing the positive but you dodged a bullet being married to that man. The life the OW is having with your Ex wasn’t your life because in your story he was and always will be, the cheater.

Grieve the future you hoped it might have been and try and accept the realities of the present.

Well, the karma is that he's a cheat. He has to live with that, and the kind of life you end up with if you progress through it demonstrating to everyone that you are, at heart, a shit.

So - he will now, 100%, have a wife who doesn't fully trust him. Because believe me, she knows full well he's a dodgy twat. That will in itself make an absolute difference to the quality of relationship, and home life, that he has - even if he doesn't really realise it because he has nothing to compare it to. For example, she's less likely to be ok with him just doing his own thing with friends and not question it/kick up a fuss/not be happy about him going on a stag weekend etc. Less likely to be secure, and less likely to be genuinely supportive of him. Just less happy. Plus of course he's more likely than not, really, to do the same again at some point if someone trots along who he likes, or if they go through a rough patch.

Ask yourself- would you want to be him? Surely not. That's karma enough!

its just hard to comprehend that he just made a whole new life for himself after treating me so badly.

Yes, but it will be the shitty, pretend kind of shiny-new-life that a cheating shit makes. Where they don't talk about certain things, and how they got together. Where she will make sure she checks his phone. That kind of shiny new life...

Karma doesn’t exist. Character, general moral compass and respect for other people, they do exist... and it’s looking pretty bleak for the pair of them.
Best of luck with moving on OP, it’s hard x

Karma or no Karma: one day the cheater will be an old sod, who over time will have to put in more and more effort to seduce his preys. It will cost him more and more (money, time, keeping up appearances,...) as time goes by.
When he's old and lonely, you will be old and happy. That's kind of Karma !

@FizzyGreenWater come on now, dont make up the narrative, you dont know what the OW is doing,

she's less likely to be ok with him just doing his own thing with friends and not question it/kick up a fuss/not be happy about him going on a stag weekend etc. Less likely to be secure, and less likely to be genuinely supportive of him. Just less happy

You dont know that, you really dont. So stop making out its fact.

Where she will make sure she checks his phone

Really? stop making shit up

OP, you are worth more than this cheating scum bag, be kind to yourself

Nope, my ex is still married to the other woman and they have children together and seem happy. I also know of other couples in the same position and after a certain point people don't really care or remember how they got together.

But I am now happily married too, to someone I love so much more than I ever loved my ex. I really do believe the saying that living well is the best revenge.

I know people say living well is the best revenge...I just wonder what does that mean or how do you do it in reality?

I've done lots of things in the last 18 months, joined clubs, met new people, travelled but all seem a bit empty or I wish I was doing those things with him which I know is pointless thinking.

Do the people who cheat just stay in those new relationships because that's where they landed themselves? If I was the OW I would hate to think my new husband begged his ex to take him back before proposing when she wouldnt...

My sons dad cheated on me, it was the worst time of my life. The ow knew about me and. Is family gave me a bit of a hard time, to begin with I was mad as hell but as time went on I moved on, met my husband had 2 more beautiful children.
One day about 9 years later I bumped into his mother, ah shit here we go, but what happened shocked me, she started crying as soon as she saw me and spent the next 30 minutes telling me what a great mum I and how I was the best thing to happen to her son and how sorry she was for the way she and her son treated me
I practically skipped home.
Then about a year or so after that my son came home and told us his dad was splitting with his Girlfriend because it's turned out the girlfriend had cheated!
So yes I do believe in karma but I believe you got to get on with your self and good intentions, and karma will appear when you least expect it. Xx

18 months isn't long - that length of time after being cheated on, it sounds about right for you to still be feeling hurt, and maybe just starting to think about looking for someone new. Whereas he's really rushed into things there.

Lockdown won't be helping you; too much time to sit and think, not enough opportunities to distract you. Hopefully that will change soon, though.

By the time "karma" struck my exh, I couldn't care any more, which is the ideal scenario, right? His OW cheated on him with someone else, and now he's struggling to maintain an international LDR with another younger woman, when international travel is impossible. But tbh, I hope for the (adult) kids' sake that something works out for him, as he sounds quite grumpy and irritating at the moment.

I agree with the others advising you to let go of karma.

You had a standard and I admire that. You didn't do the easy thing, you valued yourself. That was the right thing to do even if it's hard right now.

Selling yourself short wouldn't have made you happy.

He is his own responsibility and if I were a betting woman I wouldn't put money on their marriage still being a happy and rewarding one 10 years from now, but at the same time, so what, I have a broken marriage behind me and I am resilient and content. So I don't think a marriage failing should be used as proof of that person having failed at life.

Your life will get better. 18 months is actually such a short space of time to get over something really painful.