Cheater and karma

[Nev85]

Hi,

I'm just wondering...do cheaters ever get karma?

Long story short, I was cheated on by fiance who then went on to quickly marry OW when I wouldnt take him back...I was devastated. It's been 18 months and I still feel stuck going over the details...lockdown hasnt helped.

It seems like he can just get to change lives and love on while I'm left behind devastated...

Does anyone have experience on whether these new relationships/marriages based on lies and receipt last?

Perhaps he is still with her as he didn’t want to be on his own.sounds stupid but I read somewhere that men will not like being on their own - so will go back to OW until they line up a new one. Besides- if he looked back to the devastation he caused to you he probably feels guilty- maybe it is a question of making your bed so lie in it. Any relationship built on lies will eventually fall apart- my dear mum and dad married and were together over 50 years and were the OW and OM. To say the relationship was volatile is an understatement and my mum did not trust my dad at all. Not easy growing up in that atmosphere-

We can all sit there and tell you stories about things that have apparently happened to people after doing shitty things.
Thier relationship may be horrible, it may genuinely turn out to be the best either have ever had but you know what?
It doesn't matter. There is no outcome that will help you or make you feel better.
The only way is for you to accept that he wasn't right for you, (otherwise this wouldn't have happened) and concentrate on your life and finding your happiness.
That means not comparing your life to his anymore, but getting yourself to the point of not caring.
His life is for him and yours is for you, and as much as you may not want to hear it, both of your lives are nothing to do with eachother anymore regardless of what went on in the past.
It's your time now.

Have just seen this was a few months ago, I really hope you are in a good place now, and feeling alot more positive about things.
And not worrying about his relationship anymore.
Lets us know.

Look at it this way then, was it your karma that you deserved this pain as payback for something you did?

Do couples who got together earnestly and without cheating on anyone always always always end up happily ever after? Do they never divorce or end up cheating or stay for the sake of the children in miserable relations?

The narrative that cheaters are evil and will always end up unhappy is untrue but like the concept of after life, it gives people something soothing to cope with or some faux solace. Sad but true.

Awful.
Leave them to it. What will be will be.
Life is now about you healing and finding your happiness for the future.

Thanks everyone for your replies...it has been a few months since I posted this. I do know there is no such thing as karma really. I know I just need to accept what happened and try to move on...I am slowly making progress, trying new hobbies and dating a little bit, I am definitely a stronger person than I thought. It is tricky though, I still miss him and our old life but I think time is probably what will make the difference.

There's nothing wrong with secretly thinking about someone ending up covered in shit if it makes you feel better. Being cheated on hurts like fuck and some relationships leave you scarred

Every day is a day closer to getting over him.

I think if it had been a clean break up with no third party it would have been tough but easier to accept. The betrayal is the worst part and basically that he tossed me aside like rubbish when I wouldnt take him back. Id have more attachment to a pair of old shoes! Better that it happened now though than if we had gotten married and had kids...I can see that.

He was stupid and selfish to cheat on you if he still wanted to be with you. But he didn't toss you aside like rubbish, you were the one who decided you didn't want him back (quite rightly). But what did you expect him to do? Just keep begging until you gave in? I wouldn't want to be with someone who I had to beg to take me back. It doesn't really matter whether he stays with the other woman or not, whether he still loves you more than her or not. You told him you didn't want him back and he took you at your word and moved on with his life. Now it's time you did the same.

@Onemansoapopera

My ex cheated on me with the woman he went onto marry. She knew about me. They moved away and were married nearly 20 years. I was in a toilet at a local pub during a festival and over heard a drunk conversation of a woman crying over her husband who'd she'd left as he'd been cheating on her and her friend consoling her. Came out to see it was OW who was being cheated on by ex. Not gonna lie 20+ years one my glee was palpable. As they say what goes around comes around and if you're lucky enough you get to see it okay out. When she saw it was me she scuttled off, I like to think embarrassed that she got served the same treatment that she had exacted on me. Ah. God it was good! As for you, your life isn't stuck. He chose to move his along, so can you but it takes mental effort to box him off, you'll get there.

I do think that karma exists for cheaters and this story exemplifies it well....

Because if your ex is happy to cheat on you, most likely he'll be cheating again (on his next partner) when he gets the chance. It may take 20 years but the chances are good that he'll do it again. I saw an article online that says 55% of cheaters cheat more than once. Not sure how accurate that statistic is given that cheats are also liars anyway.

18 months is v little time to fully recover from the deep shock of being abandoned after 15 years when you had the rest of your life planned out with this person.

This has shattered your reality, your identity, your hopes and dreams.

So go easy on yourself. You are doing brilliantly to have engaged in all of those activities. Maybe you need / deserve deeper for specific emotional healing with a professional therapist to get you unblocked / unstuck and give you the final emotional shift to release you from this burden and pain?

Don’t look backwards or sideways to him - get better not bitter.

@Sssloou thank you...that is exactly how I feel really...like my life had been kind of shattered and that I should be over him completely now. I did ho to counselling before lockdown but not sure I felt that I was getting unstuck but probably needed more time at that. I am trying everyday to get better...doing things way outside my usual comfort zone so I'm proud of that...

It’s this pride in YOURSELF that will keep you inching along - putting in the emotional distance. That’s your resilience and your escape route from the pain - not the activities so much - but the sense of pride and positive feelings you have about yourself. Do attend to your feelings of hurt and anger they are valid - don’t repress them - just befriend them - give them 5 minutes and then move on to positive activities.

The biggest gift that he has given you ironically is not having children with him - it is hideous to watch children’s lives shattered and then have to interact with him for the rest of your life when he went on to cheat. Actually you gave yourself that gift by not taking him back.

@Everythinginred

It will get easier for you and you will find someone else if that’s what you want.

The Karma for your ex and his wife is they will forever know how their relationship started, neither of them have any morals, he cheated on you and if he can do it to you he can do it to anyone, she knows her new husband is capable of it, she will forever be wondering if he will cheat on her.

For him, he knows his new wife has no morals, she will quite gladly go into a relationship with someone else no matter what his relationship status was, which has a high chance that she won’t care what her relationship status is, so he will forever be wondering if she will cheat on him!

How they found each other will be how they lose each other.

Did she know he tried to get back with you?

That is just cliche upon cliche, however well-meaning.

I don't think it's helpful to write people off. Sometimes people do very bad things and they either learn from them, or they don't. They may be desperately unhappy together or they may both have found that whatever it was that was missing, they now have and want to work at keeping. What will you say to the OP then?

The 'how they found each other will be how they lose each other' is such a lot of rubbish. How do 'normal' people find each other and lose each other then?

OP, I really agree with the posters who are steering you away from dreams of karma. It doesn't exist and it's not helping you in the slightest.