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Original poster

Cheater and karma

64 replies

Nev85 · 11/05/2020 10:21

Hi,

I'm just wondering...do cheaters ever get karma?

Long story short, I was cheated on by fiance who then went on to quickly marry OW when I wouldnt take him back...I was devastated. It's been 18 months and I still feel stuck going over the details...lockdown hasnt helped.

It seems like he can just get to change lives and love on while I'm left behind devastated...

Does anyone have experience on whether these new relationships/marriages based on lies and receipt last?

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 11/05/2020 14:33

I like the idea that the cheats will never be truly happy because of the way they got together. My Bil cheated on my lovely DSil for nearly a year before walking out on her and their two small children just before Christmas, because apparently he couldn’t stand another Christmas with her family. The other woman knew about her and the children. I’d like to think that she will always be wondering about whether he’d cheat on her too. And I’d like to think that he will always question her morals. I hope they’re very unhappy together.

MyHappinessProjectx · 11/05/2020 14:37

I listen to a lot of ''gurus'' on youtube, always trying to absorb wisdom that i can apply to my life, and one of the people I listen to said something that made me think. She said that resentment shows that you're not in despair (which is good). Your hope for justice is turned outward towards the world. Not inwards in the form of depression. You haven't given up. You just want FAIRNESS! (ie, karma) But you're stuck.

Her advice was to go ahead and make some small change to your life that you know will make you happier. A bit at a time. A small step. Taking that ugly picture off the wall, or order a skip. Take next monday off. Watch a film you know you loved again.

Original poster
Nev85 · 11/05/2020 14:57

@Myhappinessprojectx...this really hit me

You had a standard and I admire that. You didn't do the easy thing, you valued yourself. That was the right thing to do even if it's hard right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nev85 · 11/05/2020 17:32

I think when I look at 18 months and where I'm at it gets me down. I'm still thinking about him...trying to move on buy failing. Whereas hes moved in with her, gotten engaged, introduced her to everyone, done things as a couple, gotten married, left our new home and me...he is so far ahead. I feel like I'll never get there. I know I shouldn't be comparing our lives but I do. He hasnt had an ounce of the suffering I've had to deal with.

OP posts:
TripleTroubleTime · 11/05/2020 18:32

Harsh truth alert...
Do you know why he is so far 'ahead'?
Because he doesnt give a f*ck about you.

The only way for you to move forward is to stop obsessing over him.
He IS NOT your 'one'. You LOVE the idea of him. You cant love him, why would you love someone who doesn't care about you? Thats just wierd.

You need to start realising you can project your idea of the perfect relationship on to anyone, therefore the next bloke can be the 'one' just be more careful next time to actually watch the mans actions, not just live in a dream world of him being the 'one' and projecting your ideas of love onto him. Try and see the man infront of you.
Its easy to get carried away and over excited, but what are the mans actions?
Cheating and leaving... those are not the actions of love.
Seperate the man from the fantasy, they are not the same thing.

Stop caring what he does, he is nobody to you. Look at being happy in yourself to move your life forward on your own.
Find love with someone.
True love is him actually loving you back and showing it. You've effectively lost a fantasy... not anything real to mourn. Time to find real happiness in yourself and maybe even real love.

Elieza · 11/05/2020 18:40

What goes around comes around.

They may seem further ahead than you but it depends how you judge success. They may be having a shit time fighting every night. You don’t know. What a relationship looks like on the outside ain’t necessarily the way it is on the inside!

Your problem is you still love him. It will fade and you will move on. Then you will have a great life and look back and think how much happier you are with your new man....

Sugartitss · 11/05/2020 18:58

triple that was harsh and unnecessary.

you will get there op!

she will always wonder if he will do the same to her. what did you lose really, just a cheat. all the things you had with him house etc, you’ll have with the right person one day.

ignore hurtful comments like the one above.

littlerock7 · 11/05/2020 20:03

How do some people not believe in karma? Such beliefs baffles me!

I’ve seen karma hit time and time again even to myself when I do wrong. Just because you are not their to witness it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. He will get his karma we all do eventually.

ravenmum · 11/05/2020 20:04

I believe in coincidence 🤷

Original poster
Nev85 · 11/05/2020 20:15

Part of me still loves him, that is the problem. We were together 15 years. I never thought he could ever do something this horrific...nobody did.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 11/05/2020 20:33

You love the person you thought he was, not the person he turned out to be.

ravenmum · 11/05/2020 20:35

Or you loved the person he was, and stopped being.
Your reaction is far more human, Nev. He sounds like he has issues, to move on that quickly after so long. It's a bit weird.

Original poster
Nev85 · 11/05/2020 20:40

Why would he move on so quickly, because he loved her,she was the one? Or he had made his bed and didnt want to end up alone?

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 11/05/2020 20:42

If he was with the OW when he wanted to get back with you then he wasn't all that nice to her. As tough as it is, you just need to get over him.

18 months is not that long.

If it helps you get over him then think he'll probably cheat on her too.
As they say, marrying the mistress leaves a vacancy.

ravenmum · 11/05/2020 20:44

Marriage to make sure she didn't get away and leave him alone after he'd gone to all the trouble of breaking up with you.
My exh has found himself another younger woman and is keen to marry her now, though they hardly know each other. He's afraid of "ending up alone". Can't bear his own company!

Original poster
Nev85 · 11/05/2020 20:45

I ended things with him...he wanted to come back.

She has 3 kids, she wasnt going anywhere...

OP posts:
Original poster
Nev85 · 11/05/2020 20:47

I know I need to move on. It really helps to hear everyone's opinions and experience...thank you

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 11/05/2020 21:05

It is possible that she wanted a 'father' for her kids. IME, those relationships don't tend to last.

Original poster
Nev85 · 11/05/2020 21:22

I think she definitely did, the security etc. He has a very good job,is generous. He is/was a lovely guy when he's not cheating and lying. I had to give him a massive pay off to keep my home, twice what he put in, so she has that too. I can imagine he told her all kinds of lies so she might have believed him but I did try to tell her the truth the one time I phoned her...it made no difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nev85 · 11/05/2020 21:24

He has no experience with children either, never mind somebody elses children, some are teenagers. I cant imagine him living with them all playing happy families.

OP posts:
Xandrats · 11/05/2020 23:16

For some, no, but for others yes absolutely. I have seen it and it was glorious.

I had nothing to do with it, though I would have had the opportunity presented. But yes some absolutely do and I still see the repercussions they love through even today after many years. Good, the deserved the life of misery they now have.

Xandrats · 11/05/2020 23:16

*live through

lovellost · 12/05/2020 12:58

I am sorry op but in me experience it's turned out to be the opposite. He cheated and left me pregnant and 8 years later they are still going strong and I actually think they are better suited than we were .Thank your lucky stars that you don't ever have to see him again as you don't share children together which is the only regret for me

Hathertonhariden · 26/09/2020 00:35

OP hope things are getting better. My exDH is and was a serial cheat. Some women have always known that they were the OW, others like me did not. One of his ex's found out that she was being cheated on and went on to fill her FB feed with endless posts about how awful men are. She also bombarded all his phone contacts with repeated messages, initially friendly warnings about his character then increasingly explicit if people didn't engage. The messages went to everyone from past and current partners, friends, employer, colleagues, relations you name it, all his contacts were included. Both as bad as each other whether either will alter their behaviour long term remains to be seen

widespreadpanic · 26/09/2020 01:52

Nope I don’t believe in karma at all. My ex fiancé ghosted me after 4 yrs together and I come to find out he cheated and got the chick pregnant. That was 30 yrs ago and as far as I know he’s still married to her.

On the other hand I’m still single, lonely, and regretful after all these years. So no, karma doesn’t exist.

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