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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he has just really p**ed me off :( :(

57 replies

nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:16

dd went round to his sisters for a few hours today and now shes staying the night wich i dont mind as she really likes it there (as u all no my life story i dont want to go through it again) u all no how his family have been in the past,

he rang me to see if it was ok and i said no and he made me feel so guilty like i couldnt say no so i said yes i really feel like im losing my daughter to his f**ked up family do u think im being selfish by not wanting her to be there all the time

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Original poster
nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:19

why am i sitting here now crying my eyes out while im supposed to be finising off an essay

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nutcracker · 09/10/2004 22:19

TBH Nik if you didn't want her to stay then she shouldn't be staying. Can you not go and get her ????

From what you have said of your dp and his family i wouldn't have let dd visit alone never mind stay the night.

Thats not meant to be a telling off by the way just concerned for you and dd.

nutcracker · 09/10/2004 22:20

Nik you do mind though don't you ???

Original poster
nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:20

i no thats whats bugging me i just rang him and told him to bring her home and he said she wants to stay so i spoke to her and she said she doesnt want to come home

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Original poster
nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:21

yeh i do nutty i just feel guilty for saying no he says she needs to spend time woth her family no just me and nursery

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nutcracker · 09/10/2004 22:23

Oh nik, i don't know what to suggest but you obviously aren't happy about her staying there.

The only thing i can suggest is that when he brings her back tommorow that you set some ground rules about where he can and can't take her.

At the end of the day only you can decide wether his family should see dd or not and when where e.t.c but please be careful.

jampot · 09/10/2004 22:24

nikcola - am inclined to agree with nutty - I wouldn't let her visit without you - they are seriously f*cked up. They said she did't exist a few months ago didn;t they? (sorry if I'm wrong) You are in control of this not him please don't let him control shireen.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:25

im going to tell him shes not going there no more ive had enough if they dont want me going there as well there must be somthing up, he will go mad and put me down to his family though like he did last time when i said no

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nutcracker · 09/10/2004 22:25

If i were you and had experianced what you have with him and his family then i wouldn't let dd visit them alone and definatly not stay the night, but like i said it has to be your choice.

I have to go now but will be back on in the morning. Hope you and dd are o.k and that someone has some better advice for you.

Nutty
xxxxx

jampot · 09/10/2004 22:26

yeah but you don't have to put up with them though. They've left you to bring up dd on your own so shouldn't be dictating now!!! Come on girl xx

Original poster
nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:26

ii answered his phone the other day to one of his sisters daughters shes about 15 and she said who is this and i said my name and she didnt even no who i was,
ffs dont they thing dd has got a mum

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Yorkiegirl · 09/10/2004 22:27

Message withdrawn

Original poster
nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:27

thank you xxxx

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jampot · 09/10/2004 22:28

I think its good that he sees his dd but as nutty said( she's a wise woman this evening) you need to tell him where he can take her. Does it matter to you what they think of you?

Yorkiegirl · 09/10/2004 22:28

Message withdrawn

fuzzywuzzy · 09/10/2004 22:29

Nikcola I don't know your history, but if you're not comfortable with dd being with your exp then I'd do as nutty advised set some ground rules. He just seems to be trying to control you through your dd. As for putting you down to his family, they don't seem to be allowing you to be a part of them anyway so forget them, it's you and dd that are important and your wellbeing.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:30

no im past caring they allready think im a slag, slapper. drunk, junkie, and a crap overweight white hore but trust me im not any of those except overwight,

i go out 3 times a year does that make me a drunk???

it just pisses me off that his family never do no wrong and im the bad one when im not im really not

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Original poster
nikcola · 09/10/2004 22:31

im going to ring his sister and speak to her [scary smiley}

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jampot · 09/10/2004 22:32

bunch of hypocrites they are. Take no notice you are soooo much better than they are. We already know what a bunch of control freaks they are....

fuzzywuzzy · 09/10/2004 22:34

oh Nik, you honestly shouldn't take their opinions so to heart, people will generally try and make the person they are wronging to look bad to justify their actions... one thing at a time sort out how you want exp to be involved with dd and go from there.

MummyToSteven · 09/10/2004 22:34

oh nik your ex is a such a control freak waste of space. if he gave a *** then he should be paying you proper maintenance for her, and not breaking his promises left right and centre like eurodisney. His family have to accept that Shireen has a mum - and anyway from what you have said they just don't sound trustworthy for Shireeen to be with. Not to sound too scarey but I would make sure that your dp cannot get his hands on dds passport. DP's just preying on your feelings of loneliness by guilt tripping you into having Shireen seeing your family. a real man should be encouraging you and Shireen to go out and meet other mums and dads so that you both get to see more people if he thinks Shireen needs to socialise more.

take care

MummyToSteven · 09/10/2004 22:35

good luck with talking to DP's sister

MummyToSteven · 09/10/2004 23:46

How did it go, Nik?

Original poster
nikcola · 10/10/2004 00:20

she said that dd was fine and i shouldnt worry yeh ok for her to say that but im her f**king mom not her, dp came round and we had a row i told him i wasnt happy with dd going round so much and he said i was selfish for not wanting her to see her family so i said that they didnt give a shit for 3 years they are the selfish ones and he said just cause they are like it dosnt mean that i have to be like them

FFS see what i mean about they gt away with everything im so pissed off right now its unbelivable i no she has a nice time there because there are 3 kids for her to play with but she doesnt no who they are well not really and when shes older i will bloody tell her what they where like

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Original poster
nikcola · 10/10/2004 00:23

ive managed to type up half of my assignment only the charts to do now xx

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