I really shouted at DP tonight. Would you have done the same or was I unreasonable?

[justanotherneighinparadise]

We have a fantastic relationship 98% of the time. He is loving and kind. We’ve been together nearly 10 years, two small children. We generally don’t argue. If we fall out it’s normally over him being really snappy with me and it really pisses me off. Particularly because it’s never over something I’ve done personally, it’s always because he’s in a bad mood about something and I’ve dared to ask if he’d like a cup of tea or something equally benign and he’s snapped at me.

Anyway last weekend he was angry with the computer and made Sunday afternoon hell because he was like a bear with a sore head. We were all treading eggshells and it annoyed me. So we had words that evening and he apologised. He did the bloody same thing this afternoon!!! Still trying to fix the bloody computer, getting angrier and angrier, snapping at the kids every time they went in the living room and I suppose my last straw broke. I went to shut the living room door, he barked at me why I was doing that and I just roared at him and left the room. The noise that came out of my mouth was primal 😬

No more words have been spoken and he’s gone to bed. I grew up in a household where we often tiptoed around my fathers moods and now as an adult I have no tolerance for it. He knows this. Do I apologise?

@winetomorrow

Well done for standing your ground but your fort story is utterly heartbreaking.

A little growing brain like your toddler's having to contort itself to think up a plan to protect you.

Of course young children witnessing this type of abuse are hugely impacted.

Their brains are developing and it must change how that happens when they witness and feel such stress around them.

They aren't emotionally developed enough and don't have the language to articulate their fear, so it develops as emotional trauma and anxiety.

Make no mistake OP, emotional abuse is inter generational.......until it is stopped.

Oh I know billy1966, I have no illusions and was/still am ready to leave. But he admits his faults and has made enormous strides to improve them. I have said with the counsellor that one more sign of anger is too many. I hate myself and him for the fact that my kid has even had to think that way once. If he so much as raises a voice again we are gone.

Good for you@winetomorrow👏👍