Am I being too sensitive?

[Lockdownbody]

I am early 40s and a normal weight. I have a history of eating disorder when I was late teens/early 20s but it never needed treatment and resolved. Because of this I have made a conscious decision over the years never to diet as I know how easy it is for the old unhealthy thinking patterns to come back. Other than the normal body consciousness lots of woman have, I give my history very little thought. I usually eat pretty healthily and exercise moderately on a regular basis. During lockdown this has been more difficult for practical reasons and I may have gained a few pounds.

I have a fairly new relationship of 6 months. It has all been going very well and we have been having regular video call dates during lockdown which are usually lots of fun. Last night on a video chat he admired my boobs and I made the mistake of saying they were bigger because I had recently gained weight. He then mentioned that when we have eaten together and I prepare the meals he is not used to only getting 50% of the portion. (He does exercise intensively and regularly and gets hungry.) He said that no previous partner had ever served him up a similar measure to herself, she had always given him the larger share. I found this very hurtful as the implication was I was more greedy than previous girlfriends. Most meals I prepare have been ready meals rather than home cooked so portions are aimed for two people. If I sacrificed my portion so he could eat more I think I would end up hungry. I know I am sensitive due to my old body image issues but I told him I found this a bit upsetting and said he is welcome to fill up on other food as he knows I would always have bread/snacks available. Indeed I have always checked if he is hungry and offered more food.

It has left me feeling quite sad and insecure, not to mention disappointed as I thought I had met someone who fancied me and wasn’t needing to compare me to previous relationships. I have mentioned it hurt me but he ended the call and he has told me that I took it out of context. I have been emotionally abused in previous relationships and am keen not to be denigrated yet again. How do I balance trying to be laid back about possibly slightly thoughtless comments from a boyfriend with also maintaining boundaries around being respected and not criticised?

[TorkTorkBam]

Will it become easier to break up after you have been together longer?

Did you tell him to stop talking about his exes?

[TeaAndHobnob]

Well, it's your choice. But please come back to this thread in a few weeks when another issue about how he speaks to you has raised its head.

[TinRoofRusty]

Your bar is so low a flea could limbo under it. You seem content to give away all your power to whoever shows you attention and would rather be with a dickhead than be single. That's so sad. Your lack of energy anb being tired are due to the head fuck this bloke is. You need to stop dating for a long, long time because right now you're a magnet for twats. He's training you up, but you're also letting him. I'd dump for the penis portion comment alone.

[billy1966]

OP,
Please try and think of your children, your utter desperation for any man, no matter how awful, and how many red flags they wave, put your children in potentially great peril.

[0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h]

I didn't realise he had his son with him. He's entirely right not to get sucked into a tension filled argument when he's having quality time with his kid. I would also feel that you could shelve it. It's one thing to be in touch casually when you're looking after a child, quite different to be hearing someone's feelings, dealing appropriately, expressing your own feelings etc. I'm quite shocked you expected that from a person when they're doing child care prior to their child going off, especially in a young relationship. That's not on. He's a parent first and you need to be able to put this to one side while he's doing that.

[bringincrazyback]

You're not being oversensitive. He's being a bellend, and sexist with it.

[bringincrazyback]

Why do you only make readymeals though? This seems to be the root of the problem.

FFS.
How on earth is this the root of the problem??

[pictish]

Calm down billy fgs.

So OP, what usually happens when a poster updates to say she’s not going to LTB without further ado, is that some responders get a bit insistent, melodramatic and even insulting about your decision. It does actually come from a place of care and frustration but it’s off putting for the OP (that’s you) who tends to disappear.

Hopefully this thread has helped in some way. No one ditches their relationship immediately on the say so of an internet chat forum..but there have been lots of good points made which you’ll keep in mind.

Good luck. He’s probably an arsehole but that’s for you to figure out. X

[Bluntness100]

Op, for this one off issue, I see both sides and how to could occur. It’s a he said she said, he heard she heard thing.

As said I can see two sides. Shocking some posters are being so horrible to you because you won’t dump him over it. The words being used are hateful.

It says more about the posters than you.

Good luck, I hope in future you’re able to calmly discuss things as a couple and not let misinterpretations escalate like this, from both of you. Something to work on.

[Lockdownbody]

Thanks all. I do appreciate all viewpoints and especially those like @Bluntness100 who have seen both sides.

@billy1966 that’s a bit harsh. I keep my children completely separate from any relationship. I only see him when my kids are away (or did before lockdown) and it’s not like I’m going to be moving him in any time soon.

@0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h I certainly didn’t expect him to get into any conversation with me. A simple ‘morning, let’s speak later’ would have done it. The silence after being hung up on was the thing that upset me most and I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to be in that sort of relationship.