Sexless Marriage

[marky19791]

I’m a married man in my early 40s with two kids, 7 and 10. Since starting a family sex has been rare and in the last few years often several months pass with nothing at all.

I love my wife and she says she loves me but has time for work and the children but is exhausted after that so sex is a low priority. I don’t expect it all the time and understand it is different for women for various reasons.

But it does seem unfair that I have to suffer and my wife doesn’t consider my feelings at all. She says she likes sex when it happens but can’t really be bothered most the time. Obviously women hold all the power in this regard as they can have it on demand but I feel so frustrated I am going mad.

I don’t want to cheat as I value my family too much and couldn’t bear hurting my wife.

But I am at my wits end. What do people do in this situation?

@allfalldown47 it’s not always the case that people are 100% sympathetic to women on here with this issue.
I posted about the same thing a couple of months ago and although I got some useful thought provoking comments, I also got some nasty ones. People accusing me of being selfish and it being my fault!
To be fair; I think they were trolls just trying to get a reaction but yeah, it was ridiculous because my original post has made reference to how I have some understanding of my partner’a difficulty with sex because I had the same issue with my ex husband. So I wasn’t being selfish at all. I am able to see it from both perspectives as I have been in both positions.
I do prefer the more balanced, helpful comments on here and not the judgemental ones!

You sound like a good guy to me . You’ve already said you don’t want to cheat on her .
It’s not fair for you to cheat on her ( which you said you won’t ), but it’s not fair for her to expect you to be happy in a marriage where you only have sex a couple of times a year . Can’t think of a single man who would be ok with that
All you can do is have a serious discussion with her. Be calm , make sure there is no distractions , don’t be accusatory.
Make sure she knows how you are feeling , and ask her if there is anything you can do that would help the situation .
If she is unwilling to change , then as several others have said , you have options .
You can stay and try to just deal with it’s best you can ,
You can discuss the possibility of an open relationship, in order to keep the marriage on track
You can cheat ( know you don’t want this , just saying however unsavory it is , it is an option)
You can leave and start over
It’s a crappy situation all round . Hope you and her can come to some sort of compromise

I'm in your boat but female.
Fairly new relationship too not even been together that long. I feel inadequate and even though he's very affectionate most days to me he just has no interest in sex. When I've tried to initiate it i get brushed off so now I've just stopped trying. I've told him how I feel and nothing has changed.

You have my sympathy OP

@motherfftrucker exactly the same for me!

I feel for you. Relationships where the sex drive is unbalanced are really hard. Sex is so much more than the physical act. It's also about intimacy and connection and it's really hard if it's missing.

I would really struggle if sex was a 'once every couple of months' thing.

@EmmieG11 I can't fault him in any other way, pulls his weight around the house, cooks etc but literally seems to have no interest. It leaves you feeling inadequate, insecure and not good enough especially when you've voiced your feelings. I get told he loves me constantly but I'm beginning to feel like they are just words.

I guess ultimately it boils down to making the decision of whether you can carry on like this for years or not. I don't think cheating is ever the answer OP and that will cause more heartache than necessary.