Husband still going to supermarket every day in lockdown

[PLaurel19]

My husband isn't stupid... he knows and talks about the virus and how we all need to be on lockdown. He agrees with the idea that we should just do one big shop a week. But he still goes out every day/every other day with an excuse to buy something.
I can't do the food shop because we have a baby. I've tried writing lists for him with enough ingredients for food etc for a week. He still finds a reason to go out.
I never thought that he would act this way in a time like this ... I'm shocked.
Any ideas on how I can talk to him about how serious I find this- without him shutting down?

How big is the supermarket?

If it's small like ours, he may just be going in every day for a wander around, to see if there's anything new in on the daily delivery. To see what he fancies for lunch/dinner. As long as he's staying 2m from other shoppers (and the shop should be enforcing this) and washing his hands when he's home, why does it matter? He's not really at any more danger in there than walking along the street, is he?

He wants to get out of the house for some air and space, but he needs a 'reason'. 'I'm going for a walk' is just rubbing it in if you are stuck in with the baby (leave the baby with him and go out on your own though, honestly). So 'going shopping' is giving him a purpose and some space.

Our shop is small. Most of our customers come in every day. The aisles aren't big enough to get huge trolleys down, so they can only buy a basketful at a time, which will only last a day.

I have an aunt in her 70s who finds any excuse to go to the supermarket - sometimes several - everyday. It's obvious she's bored and lonely.

However, I'd still call your husband's phone next time he reaches the supermarket. I'd say you needed him to pick something up. If he is making a call or meeting somebody then your call would come right in the middle. Sorry, but I know somebody whose partner was popping out each day to meet somebody.

Being indoors is riskier than being outdoors. Being in a shop makes people more likely to come within 2m to reach something than they would outside.

The 'reasons' for doing this are many, including:

1. Boredom
2. A need to get some fresh air
3. A bit of 'me' time
4. To not face the drama of a big shop
5. To try and buy more of a specific product than would normally be allowed ... and more (ulterior motive, guilty pleasure)

The 'justification' is hell of a lot harder.

It's increasing risk for himself, his family and the public at large. He needs to stop it.
I'd have a lot more sympathy if he just needed to escape for a drive (still wrong, but less threat)

Such paranoia, and quite a mean thing to put in the OPs head. The mans going to the shop every other day for his mental health!

How on earth does anyone know about this man's mental health is armchair diagnosis a thing now? It seems minimising risk goes out of the window when A Great Man needs to step out. If this were a Mum with a newborn going out every day to trail around the shops she'd be accused of not caring about risks to her newborn & family. As for mean-ness: No meaner than implying to OP that she and home life are so very boring now that she's had a baby that her H needs daily escape.

Some women go to great lengths to be mean to other womrn

I’m not seeing the issue really.

Shops are open. We have NO law on what you can/can’t buy, how much you need to buy to justify going to a shop.

Lockdown is starting to be slowly lifted anyway.

Why does having a baby mean you can’t go to the shop?? if you want to do the food shop, then do that....you leave baby with dad. Having a vagina or a baby doesn’t mean you can’t shop

I can't do the food shop because we have a baby

Leave the baby with dad.

I might be considered wrong here but I'd just go nuts at him... that's what I did with my husband... I swear to god that men have a higher death rate from COVID because they think they are invincible or something... and my husbands a blood nurse... who initially said he wasnt going to wear a face mask to visit patients (hes a community nurse) because it was wierd.... he has started doing so now.... but I just went absolutely crazy at him when he came home from work end of march and had popped by the supermarket for milk... id set up all these online deliveries from local farms and milkman trying to limit our trips to shops etc and told him all about this and why... and he had just casually strolled into the shop after work like normal..... well I went ballistic at him... crying, shouting, threatening to leave.... and yes I'll get called hysterical....but has this man ever done that again?? No he hasnt.

My neighbour is fairly high risk (his wife and daughter not) but he's been going to the supermarket every morning. He said getting up and going to do something is something he just needed to do to get him up and out. My 92 year old grandad has still been going for his paper each day. It doesn't necessarily mean he's up to something

Typical I-know-better- than-anyone-else male behaviour imo. I’m in the vulnerable group and haven’t been out of the garden for 8 weeks now and have set up various online deliveries for everything we need.
DH insists he has to go into a local town 9 miles away every week.
Last week he brought back Norovirus 🤢, gave it to me too. And yes, he’s insisting he’s going there this week too.
I give up.

Another one wondering why having a baby means you can’t go shopping?

Pregnancy puts a woman in the moderate risk category (but not high risk) - they are more vulnerable than the 'normal' group, but less vulnerable than high risk group.

It is advised you leave the home ONLY for food, medicines or exercise.

Obviously, if you're going out for food, try to minimise the number of trips, or let someone else do it for you if that is possible, but if you can't, then it's deemed ok.

ah 'having a baby' was misinterpreted!

Another one wondering why having a baby means you can’t go shopping?

(Answer)Pregnancy puts a woman in the moderate risk category

Most women stop being pregnant once the baby arrives :)

I can't do the food shop because we have a baby.
Leave the baby with your husband. Even a tiny baby can be left for an hour or so to do a food shop surely?

As for the "issue" here, I wouldnt be that bothered about him visiting the shops more frequently. Assuming that neither of you are in an at risk category or old then the chance of him a) catching it and b)having it badly are pretty slim.

I'm pregnant and no bloody way am I hiding inside slowly going insane. Today I drove to a park, walked the dog, talked to a human, then, I walked up to waitrose, and Sainsburys to click and collect an item, and later I might go to the icecream shop?

Lockdown is boring and there are permissible reasons to go outside.

Why would I do that you ask? Because I hate the NHS and enjoy murdering the elderly.

Or; maybe I'm being sensible, sanitising my hands.

What are you crazy covid dementors going to do when the rules actually get lifted? I look forward to hearing about your plans.

Most women stop being pregnant once the baby arrives
Oi!!! I did say sorry after the context of 'having a baby' was known!

Could also just be basic need for instant gratification. I'm of the make do with what you've got until the big shops - others find it impossible to not go and buy what they want there and then like they've a right to it.

Can’t believe the amount of people automatically assuming the dh is cheating or up to something other than going to the shop! I enjoy going to the shop most days, even through lockdown. I do a weekly food shop but sometimes I just fancy a particular snack etc. Its fun to go for a browse. I can’t get worked up about it all, I don’t work and keep myself as far away from everyone as possible as I go round. Considering many people are still having to go to work everyday crowded next to loads of others I think my daily or whatever trip to Tesco is okay in comparison!

He is definitely at the supermarket as well. I know he does it as he finds being at home boring and he struggles being around the children all the time.

We used to refer to this as 'baby avoidance work'.

FFS. All those saying your husbands did this too and he was having an affair...

Were they stuck in the house? Bored? Locked down in a fucking pandemic? Climbing the walls after 7/8 weeks of the same conversation with the same person? No, they weren't.

OP, I'm going to the shop every day. My boyfriend, who lives alone goes to the shop every day.

People just need to get out of the house for a change of scenery, a walk, someone different to have a 2 minute chat with.

And even if he's going for a crafty fag. So fucking what?

Swap roles vis a vis weekly shop and baby minding. Take away his excuse. If he's someone who gets cabin fever tell him to take baby out for a daily walk.

Perhaps he just wants to get away from you for a bit. You seem dictatorial.

Is bloody dictate to my dh if he was ignoring lock down guidance like this (essential shopping). I couldn't stop him doing it but I would have very little respect for him which might affect our future together.

You seem dictatorial

Whaaaa? Haha...you got that from a small amount of text?!