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Original poster

Married & left with unborn child

83 replies

mysha98 · 07/05/2020 18:53

Hi guys

Pls tell me if I've done the right thing or not..

The past two days myself and a good friend of mine have been trying to get in contact with my ex that had an arranged marriage behind my back.

My ex got married we never spoke for a good few months then we got back together as I was informed he had left her we slept together and I end up pregnant.

He then disappears and I find out he's still with his wife.. months go on and I try to get in contact with him but he doesn't acknowledge my presence one bit. His phrase was "silence is power"

So yesterday I have been trying to contact him and so has my friend as he really wanted this baby and promised he'd be in the child's life. I contacted him on insta and after I've sent him messages all he's done is block me so I tried to contact him through my friend and he done the same to her.

We contacted his wife on insta aswell as she knows he cheated on her in the past but my friend and myself have just been blocked time and again from the wife too. Now the wife isn't from the Uk. She's from Iraq and he's told me she doesn't know English that well and from her bio I can kind of see that and I believe he's just made up loads of lies about me and made me out to be a psycho.

I tried messaging his wife today on another account just to speak to my ex about his child and I've been blocked each time within a few mins..

I just need advice and please be nice but be brutally honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
mysha98 · 07/05/2020 20:00

@PrayingandHoping I honestly just want him to be apart of his child's life. I want my child to have a father figure.

I'm not trying to ruin his marriage as he's done that himself.

I don't want him back.

OP posts:
TinRoofRusty · 07/05/2020 20:01

I've got no family support and he wanted to get me pregnant from the very first moment we started dating.

Why do people insist on bringing innocent children into shitstorms?

TinRoofRusty · 07/05/2020 20:03

I want my child to have a father figure.

Then why get pregnant with a man you hardly know? Hmm He doesn't want to be involved.

edwinbear · 07/05/2020 20:03

OP you don’t need a man like this as a father figure for your DC, really you don’t.

Original poster
mysha98 · 07/05/2020 20:03

@Usersafe4 I just want him to take responsibility for his child even if that's just acknowledging that I'm pregnant with his child

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 07/05/2020 20:07

I want my child to have a father figure.

That's not a good enough reason to stalk his wife.

Also, i don't understand this obsession with "father figures". Forcing a twat to be a father when you know he doesn't give a shit is far, far more damaging to a child than growing up without a father.

How far along are you? Are you sure you're in the right situation to raise a child alone? What support do you have?

Backtothenewme · 07/05/2020 20:10

The baby is your child. This man will never acknowledge or respect you or your baby. Move on. Love your little one and congratulate yourself for dropping the dead weight of a udless cheating prick with no morals. You innocent baby deserves better. If you are going to have this baby, just focus on being an awesome mum.

TinRoofRusty · 07/05/2020 20:10

I just want him to take responsibility for his child even if that's just acknowledging that I'm pregnant with his child

He's not going to do that. What part of this do you not get? You can't force him to and he's shown you he won't. You say he's a controlling man but you started trying to get pregnant with him right away and want him in your child's life? You two sound as bad as each other.

Someone she says she has no family support. But it doesn't matter, she'll have the kid anyway.

Backtothenewme · 07/05/2020 20:10

Useless*

Original poster
mysha98 · 07/05/2020 20:11

@TinRoofRusty excuse me just because I have no family support that does not mean my child will be brought into a shit storm. And the same for all those other mothers out there who are doing an amazing job raising their children without any family support.

OP posts:
DC3dilemma · 07/05/2020 20:13

He has shown you who he is (an absolute arsehole) and what he wants from you (sex and nothing more). The things he said are just the things he said to get what he wanted then. His actions are showing you the reality. And as everyone know, actions speak louder than words.

Stop wasting energy on contacting him. What do you actually expect to happen? He’s going to come running to you? Seems unlikely!

You have some serious decisions to make about your pregnancy and your life going forward. Focus on these decisions and take some time o work out why you have such low expectations of the men you get involved with?

SandyY2K · 07/05/2020 20:15

My ex got married we never spoke for a good few months then we got back together as I was informed he had left her

Who informed you?

he really wanted this baby and promised he'd be in the child's life.

Was this baby planned by you or by both of you?

contacted him on insta and after I've sent him messages all he's done is block me

So he has ignored your messages, then you contact him on insta and he blocks you.

so I tried to contact him through my friend and he done the same to her.

He isn't interested.

We contacted his wife on insta aswell as she knows he cheated on her in the past but my friend and myself have just been blocked time and again from the wife too

She is not interested in your presence or your baby.

I tried messaging his wife today on another account just to speak to my ex about his child and I've been blocked each time within a few mins.

Why are you continuing to try and contact him, when it is more than obvious he's not interested in you or the baby?

I just need advice and please be nice but be brutally honest.

What advice are you looking for? If you want child support once the baby is born, then you need to do this...but seek legal advice, as you'll need to get a paternity test done.

Don't expect anything more than financial support if you are able to get it.

Be prepared to raise your child without him. He's shown you you're not worthy of a response from him.

There was nothing stable about this relationship that indicated a child should be brought into it.

Original poster
mysha98 · 07/05/2020 20:15

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow yeah personally I'm in a good space to have this child. I have a steady income a roof over my head.

I have many close friends who I know will support me just no family as they're deceased.

I'm 5 months

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 07/05/2020 20:17

he wanted to get me pregnant from the very first moment we started dating.

And this didn't ring alarm bells to you? That wanted to get you pregnant from ty he get go, with zero commitment. How old are you to fall for this nonsense.

Original poster
mysha98 · 07/05/2020 20:19

@SandyY2K I'm 21.

OP posts:
Porcupineinwaiting · 07/05/2020 20:21

OP you are actively trying to create a shitstorm by dragging this bloke back into your life. He's not the person you want him to be, you were wrong about him. But you don't have keep on making the same mistake.

Original poster
mysha98 · 07/05/2020 20:23

@Porcupineinwaiting I'm realising that now. I guess I was just so adamant about my child having both parents around

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 07/05/2020 20:23

I see you're just 21. I feel sorry for you. Just for the best you can for your baby.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 07/05/2020 20:24

Will you be able to survive on mat pay? Will you be able to afford childcare? What will you do if the baby has medical needs?

I don't want to scare you, but youre very young and you sound incredibly naive. You need to be realistic - at 21 your friends will love to cuddle a baby for 10 minutes but they won't be any help at 3am when you've been woken up for the 19th time (im not exaggerating).

YorkshirePud1 · 07/05/2020 20:27

You're very young and you've been taken in by a man who has lied to you and used you and never intended to stick around. You won't be the first woman to have fallen for this and you won't be the last, but learn from it and move on. He isn't interested in you or your baby, and honestly it sounds like your child will be better off without that kind of influence in their life. No amount of messages are going to convince him to step up and do the right thing so if I were you I'd put him behind you and concentrate on your baby.

Chiyo666 · 07/05/2020 20:27

You will be fine. Most of my friends had babies by 21 and were and are fantastic mums. Forgot him, he will just make things 10 times harder for you. Just enjoy being a mum.

SandyY2K · 07/05/2020 20:31

What I would add, is that you're young enough to go on and have a good life and have a good relationship with someone else in the future. Time is on your side.

You're just a year older than my DD.. Your Ex just used you and took advantage of your naivety.

Usersafe4 · 07/05/2020 20:33

Unfortunately, you can't force someone to want to be in their child's life.

I know as I am a lone parent, I got pregnant at 18 and the dad didn't want to know so I do know how you feel mine wasn't in a relationship or anything but it still hurt. I really wanted him to be involved but the few times he did turn around and say he wanted to be involved it was more drama than what it was worth.

Your ex is a compulsive liar, if he is involved he could have 50/50 contact so your child will be with him and his wife for half the time. He will get a say in how you raise it and he might cause trouble for you if he feels you pushed him into having contact.

Honestly, the best thing you can do is have no contact with him and in the future, if he wants to be involved then you can decide what's best at the time. Just don't believe his lies.

Porcupineinwaiting · 07/05/2020 20:34

One parent you can count on is enough OP.

Opentooffers · 07/05/2020 20:36

OP, just give it up, if he doesn't want to engage or acknowledge, he doesn't have to. Never get pregnant by a married man, unless he's married to you.

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