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[Greentrees33]

I need some opinions please. My husband sent this message (trying to attach this) to an ex colleague the day she left. I feel that I may be too emotional/biased so wanted opinions please.

What do you think of this message? To me it seems he has feelings for her and that it is reciprocated but nothing has happened. Do you think this is correct or am I over thinking this?

I also feel that if she didn’t already, the recipient knows his feelings as a result of his text?

Or am I just being crazy and this is all very platonic /fine no need to think anything of it? Please be gentle

Thank you very much in advance

To everyone who has supported me. Thank you so much. I’m in a very fragile place mentally, I have no intentions to harm myself but I know I need to let this go.

Some other questions regarding my personal situation back then- after we broke up I told my husband that I would be seeing others and he was welcome to as well. He decided not to- he has always known and accepted that I have. So this has never been an issue. When I found the messages I broke up with him shortly afterwards as he confessed he had a friendly crush on her (did not ever confide in her regarding our marriage or fancy her) he had the chance to pursue her but did not. We found our way to each other after almost a year of being apart.

I was not happy with him sending a message like that to another woman. I was also in a bad place, I didn’t turn to other people in that way.

We still love each other very much. I love him more than anything but life has been so so hard with losing our son recently I worry this might happen again but I suppose that’s not my mind not thinking clearly.

I think that’s answered all questions apologies if it hasn’t.

I’m going to log off this now as this is emotionally draining!

Thank you. X

I agree with PPs. It seems like he had a major crush but it definitely seems like it was coming more from him. I’d still be furious and extremely hurt though.

Sending OP x

Why were looking through his stuff? He sent 2years sitting next to her and nothing happened. He had crush. he never acted on it. Be happy that nothing happened. Personally, I'd leave it for those reasons.

@Greentrees33 you've been through the wringer. Both of you have. I hope it works out for you two. Sorry if any of my posts were upsetting, I have great compassion for both you and your dh. Youre living a nightmare and I'm just so sorry, its hard to know the right things to say especially when its through a screen and not all the details are obvious.

Sending you love and support during a massively shit time

Usually I’d shoot a guy down for sending a text like this but with the other information you’ve provided it honestly seems like she took his mind off the harsh reality you were both dealing with.

She would walk in, all carefree and chatter about gossip, tv, movies, anything and it would be a break for him mentally. Everyone needs a bit of time to switch off.

Her reply doesn’t seem romantic. I think they were just workmates/friends and he values her for helping him get through that time.

I’m sorry for your loss.

candyflosscookie Why don't you go troll people at funerals? What a vile thing to post to a woman who lost her babies?

Am I missing something?

So they are both going through the most dreadful time dealing with miscariages, babies that were planned as part of their commited marriage together.

She then finds that text which quite frankly, if others are brutally honest would never want to see written by their partner to another .

He sounds like he idolises her.
For two years running up to this bad period he has sat next to her having these gushing feelings.

How wonderful for him.
How crap for her.

No wonder she broke up with him and dated other guys.
She clearly loves him a lot to go back to him.
She made him suffer and he accepted that as punishment.

This recent loss has triggered all those horrible thoughts that her husband held this other woman in such high regard.

You have done nothing wrong
You have gone through the most heartbreaking experience and needed the full support and love of your husband.

When that support was not there 2 years ago, you feel afraid to ask for the support you need now.

I truly am very sorry for your loss, I think you have been brutally honest about being enraged by this and very accomodating for your husbands failings.

I hope you can help one another this time

I don’t know if you’ll be back, OP. First, I’m sorry for your losses. Second, I would have no issues with my husband sending a text such as the one your husband sent. Particularly with her response, it just sounds like work mates who enjoyed working together.

Men grieve the loss of a child as well. Society doesn’t generally acknowledge that.

I’ve seen those texts on a thread before asking the same question a good while ago.

Yes the text is crossing boundaries but you spit up,you dated other people but he didn’t

So sorry for your losses OP