2yr relationship and it's all been lies

[Timetomoveonnow1]

Wow,

Where do I begin. I've been in what i thought was a relationship for 2 yrs.

I've found out all of his lies, he had even told me his mother had died last yr. I was there for him held his hand etc.

He has a wife. He has 5 yes! 5 kids. We had planned our future together. I am beyond sick at what he has done.

Everything in the relationship was lies.

Just had to vent.

Hi @Timetomoveonnow1.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. That must have been a truly terrible shock.

How are you feeling? Have you got people around to support you?

I have no support as such than you lockdown.

I'm honestly struggling. I feel so stupid that he could do this to me.

I want to get revenge on him. I want to make him hurt like hes hurt me. I want to forget the last 2yrs.. I'm heartbroken. We had talked about having kids. We were planning our future together. Why just why

Because he's a twat ! Some men are skilled at manipulation

Would you have found out if it wasn't for lockdown ?

We will never be able to give you a reason for what he's done, but if you try to think of it logically, why anyone would do anything like this... There must be something seriously messed up with him.

In terms of revenge, as unsatisfactory as it feels now, I would leave that scab unpicked. Does his wife know? I'm sure that's going to be giving him hell enough.

You need to shift the focus from him.

You need to be looking at and after yourself now. What do you need? How can you be helped?

You haven't caused this, but you're the person damaged by this, you're the person who needs your headspace, not him.

I'm sorry you're not well supported. Is there a friend you can reach out to?

I would of found out lockdown or not. He made a mistake and for whatever reason my radar went went off, then I started snooping and bingo. Caught him out.

Just be glad you Caught him now how did you find out? Will you tell him wife?

Oh. My god! What an absolute arse hole! OK so this is what I'm thinking. Imagine if you hadn't have found this out and went onto having a child with him? I think something would have gone wrong with him not stepping up, especially if he can lie and have a seperate life to his first family!

You are so much better off. Use your anger as strength and dare I say it, but maybe think about online dating?

A year ago my husband left me (out of the blue) with our 6 month old son and it utterly floored me. But tbh just having a mooch online and chatting to others online was a great distraction.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but really you should consider yourself lucky. You get to walk away from, if you’d had children then you’d be forever tied to him.

Does he know you know?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Where did you mean him? Is he local to you? I was just wondering if you'd met any of his friends or family?

Sorry, you've been through this. What an arsehole. I think you are allowed to be angry as it's very fresh, over time you definitely will be able to move on from him. You deserve better.

meet him, not mean him

I found his facebook account and it has his relationship status linked to his wife. Bit random. I snooped a bit more and pretty much found out everything.

Right or wrong I have told his wife. We have spoken a lot she is lovely.

He doesnt know I've spoken with her. She is getting ducks in a row etc

People will definitely say you shouldn't have told her but I disagree. If my DP was doing this I would want to know. I am so sorry this happened to you!

Oh that's horrid OP. It's one of the reasons I always check someone's facebook account before dating (not that I date much anymore, too many liars). It's amazing he managed to hide it for so long but as others have said, good job you've found out now

This is absolutely awful. I am so sorry that you and his wife are going through this. Thank goodness you found out now.

So sorry for you and for his wife. for you both. It wounds like she is doing the sensible thing.

Just be glad you found out before you had DCs with this man. " years isn't so long to lose in the great scheme of things (I lost 14 years to my cheating ex and it took me a long time to come to terms with that).

Chin up. Be angry. But don't let the past take over your future

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a boyfriend who lied about his mum dying too. It’s a despicable thing to lie about. I hope you’re doing okay x

Tell his wife.

This must be devastating for you, but at least you get to walk away. Next time you'll be less trusting.

His wife deserved to know, so well done for telling her, but do not become enmeshed.
You cannot be her friend and suppor. You need to step away now.

How could you not have known? Did he never spend the night at yours?

So sorry to hear this. I have become very good at investigating over the past few years and it's amazing what you find out.

I have a friend who was having an online emotional affair,had told her he was divorced.

He had a FB account where he generally only had his online friends but because it happened that we were on the same forum he added me too.

Then one day in the “people you may know” section on FB his name came up because we had mutual friends in the real world.And it was him, on his other account,with his wife and children and RL family.

I didn’t tell him directly I knew. I sent him a friend request instead, so he knew I knew..

OP finding out is never going to be easy not least because it can be hard to believe that you’ve been taken in so spectacularly.

You weren’t wrong telling his wife. Generally I would say stay out of it but given that you’ve found her etc rather than his just dumping you and you then finding out IMO you’ve done the right thing.

You can never make him hurt as much as you hurt, he doesnt have the capacity.

I know someone who, after 15 years, has discovered her husband not only married her bigamously but has four children with his first wife. He allegedly worked abroad in USA two weeks out of three when he was actually with the first wife!
Horrendous shock, almost unbelievable someone could maintain the charade so effectively.

He only recently opened the Facebook page.

We've had many nights together, weekends away, meals out with friends the works, just like a normal relationship.

With His job ( we used to work together and we started seeing each other after I left) the hours are unsociable and he worked away a lot too. So cos I knew the job I never queried it.

Lots of things have now made sense when at the time i brushed them off.

I feel like a fool I'm embarrassed I could be so gullible