2yr relationship and it's all been lies

[Timetomoveonnow1]

Wow,

Where do I begin. I've been in what i thought was a relationship for 2 yrs.

I've found out all of his lies, he had even told me his mother had died last yr. I was there for him held his hand etc.

He has a wife. He has 5 yes! 5 kids. We had planned our future together. I am beyond sick at what he has done.

Everything in the relationship was lies.

Just had to vent.

You poor thing and his poor wife too, I'm glad she has been receptive to you and you've both been kind as it's him at fault only!

I know you feel like you want revenge now but please, please take a step back.

I PROMISE that the best revenge you can possibly have is to totally disengage, never speak to him again, don't involved with his wife's next moves, nothing nothing nothing.

He'll be expecting the both of you to do the 'pick me dance', to send him long angry messages that only serve to reinforce to him how much he made you love him, to be angry so he can call you mental to other people and use that to twist the narrative of what's happened - he will do something like paint you as a one night stand who got obsessed and 'wouldn't leave me alone' etc.

Honestly, I promise, the best revenge you can get is to absolutely cut him off, cut off any involvement in what happens to him next, block on all platforms and never EVER reply to him if he messages you.

And have some counselling over Skype - if you can afford private then great but if not and you think this is a mental health crisis likely to spiral, call your GP to get on a waiting list for counselling.

In the meantime the MN army are here for you. It's so heartening you and his wife have been kind to one another and recognise there's only one cunt in this situation... and now he has neither of you!

Thank you for your kind words.. made me cry. I know he doesnt deserve my tears.

I know I have to disengage. Wow so hard. We spoke/messaged every day for the last 2 years. Always the first and last message of the day. I am heart broken. I thought he was the one.

I just dont get why he would do this and lead me on. What did I ever do to him other than love him

Excellent post from @BackseatCookers
Agree with every wise word.

You've dodged a bullet there.
Best time to find out was before you got inextricably tied to him with a DC.

Wow. What a prick. Unbelievable. There must be so many men that do this kind of thing. How on earth has he been juggling your relationship and his marriage? What will you do next? The wife really does have a right to know. I’d want to know if I was her!

You did nothing wrong OP. This isn’t your fault. Do not take the blame. You fell victim to a con artist. There are lots out there. My friend was living with a guy and while they were “happy” he had a baby with another woman!

Did none of the friends you socialised with ever have the decency to let you know he’s married! Do they know?! If not, it’s time everyone is informed what a liar he is!

I never know how people like this get away with it. Was he actually living with his family the whole time? What happened at Christmas? Were you able to call him whenever you liked, when you weren't with him?

Yes @HollowTalk
I always wonder this too. I cannot believe someone could honestly hide a wife and five kids like that for two years .As you say how about Christmas, birthdays, fortnights holiday school breaks etc it’s amazing, but then again I am predisposed to thinking the worst of anyone

@Timetomoveonnow1 I am so so sorry you are hurting. I just found out that my bf of 5 months who I was falling for had been seeing someone else and it has broken me, so to find out 2 years down the line and that he is married with kids, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain.

I know I have to disengage. Wow so hard. We spoke/messaged every day for the last 2 years. Always the first and last message of the day. I am heart broken

I feel this so much. I’m sorry. If you’d like to chat please DM me anytime. X

Oh OP, that is awful.

Great advice from @BackseatCookers

You must be reeling.
It will definitely feel like a bereavement.

His poor wife.
So glad ye were kind to each other.

Can you imagine the horror of her situation, with 5 children to consider too?

You will get through this.

Thank you everyone for your support.

I feel so lost, so confused by it all. He was literally my whole life. (Sounds pathetic I know)

One min I feel okay the next I want to cry. I keep thinking of our times together out conversations etc why lead someone on like that for so long. How can I ever trust somone again after this. I trusted him and look where that got me.

Oh OP he’s been fantastically manipulative. I can easily see how there weren’t red flags with all that context. You’ve done nothing wrong, this isn’t on you. Glad to hear his wife has been kind, I hope she can get herself sorted and he ends up well and truly miserable.

Why would he have Facebook with his wife on it? Surely he knew that would be an obvious way for you to find out.

Why do people on MN spend so much time puzzling over details and finding things unbelievable. Unless you think OP is a troll, which she clearly isn't, just ignore if you don't want to be helpful. These threads aren't mystery stories, they are people's lives.

Are you talking about my post, @pog100, where I asked how he managed his deceit? I wasn't disbelieving her; I was just wondering how on earth he got away with it.

You're not the OW from the woman who found out her husband had an affair

She had 5 kids...

This happened in the suburb I grew up in, the man was a GP, he had a secret family of 4. I was friends with his son, he was 19 when he found out. No one knew, don't feel silly, he is the selfish prick.

SO sorry about the above post ^ wrong thread. I have asked for it to be removed.

How are you doing today @Timetomoveonnow1?

Well done for telling his wife. She deserves to know, so she can make the right decisions for herself and the DC.

Some people are skilled liars.

Well the more thenwofe and I have spoken almost bonded, the more.loes have come out. Pretty much from day 1 the relationships was lies.

He makes me.sick to the stomach. The pain and anger for some strange reason make it easier to digest.

I will get over this, he doesnt deserve my thoughts or tears. I will come out 9f this a better person.

I'm so sorry. You are right, you will get through this but you need to grieve, be angry, cry.... give yourself time to processes.
In the end you might feel that you had a lucky escape xx

So glad you and the wife are banding. Me and the gf are also. Men are SO stupid to underestimate women.

Sorry it’s come out how it has but it’s better you finding out now rather than a few more years down the line and more serious commitments I.e a baby/pregnancy.

Stay strong and you’ve done the right thing telling his wife.

You’ve nothing to be embarrassed about it’s him who should be embarrassed and ashamed.

Good for you, talking to the wife! And good for her, talking to you! You are not a fool, it is not your fault, and I think the quicker you can get a short course of CBT Under your belt the better. As for him - block him on all platforms. It will KILL him especially once his wife does what she's going to. For now let him think he's been dumped. Or you could, I suppose, answer the next message he sends with 'sorry but I've been meaning to tell you - I've actually met someone else. You just weren't doing it for me any more and I've moved on' THEN block him. 😁