DH not talking to me, 2nd day

[goingtobeokoneday]

Posting because I feel pretty lonely and sad and have no one to talk to.
I recently (very recently) had my eyes opened that actually my DH is abusive, although quite low-level (if there's such a thing)
Now he's not taking to me and I would previously have been feeling quite quilty about causing it but now i think no actually it's not ALWAYS my fault... or perhaps it is
Still doubting myself.

Few days ago we actually had a nice day, in the evening spending time all together and then DH starting joking about something (fairly trivial) but he knows I don't like it and it's about me and what I haven't done. So I stood up for myself/or got annoyed/angry for no reason (depends on a viewpoint i guess) and listed everything i do in the home and saying I don't see you appreciating any of it or ever saying thanks! that's it, no personal attacks on him, no swearing or calling names, i then left the room.

Afterwards heartbreakingly my kids came to me to say sorry, I explained it was not at all their fault!! (Yes, I failed there as a parent!)

And now 2nd day no communication from DH.

I could have written this post myself. My husband can be absolutely awful sometimes. We have good days and we have bad days. Today was a bad day. We argued and I was given the silent treatment as usual. Sat outside on my own with the kids most of the day. When this happens the feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. I only made a remark about putting the barbecue together (a birthday present from me to him) and he went into a complete tirade about how i nag him constantly, how he's told me time and time again that his brother wants to come round and put it together for us, that he understands why men hate women and the idea of marriage if its like this all thr time and how he needs to talk to me the way he does because it's the only way I'll understand apparently. He even had the audacity and nerve to say this outside in our garden for all to hear. God knows what our neighbours must think.
I often wonder what it's like to be with a man who is kind, considerate, mature and can have a disagreement and respect my opinions and views without the need of gaslighting or hurling verbal abuse because someone has dared disagree or have a different point of view to him. I often fantasize about what it's like to be in a normal functioning relationship. That's sad, right?
I really feel for every woman who has to go through this, day in day out. Wanting desperately to leave but feeling frightened and overwhelmed because she's scared her husband might try and take her children away from her because that's the kind of man he is. Feeling frightened because it's such a big step to take to break up a family no matter what the reason is for leaving.
Sending love and hugs of support to thos women right now because i know the feeling.

Oh @Princess
I am so sorry you feel so stuck.

Regarding your neighbours, have absolutely no doubt, they are in the horrors for you.

He will be the talk of the neighbourhood as an absolute prick. Of that you may be sure.

That type of behaviour never goes unnoticed.

YOU have the sympathy of your neighbours.

What are your plans to reach out for support.

He sounds an absolute horror of a man.

Please reach out for support IRL.

Billy1966
Thank you for your kind response.
This lockdown has made everything so much harder. Me and my husband are not used to spending so much time together. He usually works long hours as he's self employed and i work part time until my son starts nursery then hopefully it'll be full time. I love my own space, actually being on my own. Maybe it stems from being an only child. My DH has now got a job as a key worker so fron monday to friday which is a relief for me. I feel so much more relaxed when he's out the house. I feel so frustrated by this situation. When lockdown first stated DH was okay, we had a laugh, played with the kids, got on well apart from a few things here and there. He's always been a bit of a prick, even his own mum can't stand him sometimes. He's behaved appallingly im front of his family towards me and they've never really defended me to the point that it would make him listen. He's also said some shocking things to his mum and she never stands up for herself but she's noticed a change im him in recent years. He's even fallen out with his sister to the point where she's refused to talk to him because of what he's like but his family seem to refuse to do anything about it and just hide their heads in the sand.
Last weekend was not too bad with him, this weekend has been a shit show and i can't wait for it to be over.
I have absolutely no idea what to do, where to go from here, how it'd work if we did separate. I just don't know. It's the unknown that petrifies me. If truth be told, my parents would love me to ditch him. In all honesty, i feel completely worn down, physically and mentally and absolutely lost as anything.

Princess, the unknown will be a holiday camp away from this prick.

You only have one child.
Don't get pregnant.

Tell your parents. Tell them the true truth.

You are in a terrible situation.
A box room sharing a bed would be better than this.

Ask can you move in with them.

Don't get pregnant and more tied.

You can get away.
You can be free.
Get all the financial information you can gather before you leave.

You have a couple of children, it makes no difference. Talk to your parents.

Make a plan.
Talk to Woman's Aid.

Princesscg30 Could you make a 2 year plan towards leaving (like me)? If you start listing what you need to do now, even if it's only in your head, it will give you something to aim for, and save for if possible.
Best wishes to you.

Princesscg30
Sorry you're in this position, your post about the bbq was so very familiar. This lockdown is making things a lot worse. Being at home all day every day together is not great, I never know what mood he will be in when coming down in the morning and even if the day starts ok it can change at any moment.

I also sometimes dream of what would a normal nice relationship be like, i love to watch silly sitcoms where the 'dad' is a bit boring maybe but really nice and fair and cares about others feelings etc. Sad I know.

kgal3542 thank you!
I will you best also. Well done for having a plan. I don't have one. I'm still at the stage where one moment i think it's not that bad, I can't call this abuse, to the next moment thinking this is not ok, I can't live like this... it's confusing

• I wish 🤦‍♀️