Page 3 | Never ever get married

Lemonheaddd · 2020-04-29T21:29:57+00:00

Somebody your dating says they never ever want to get married, what would your thoughts be if you want to one day? Would you call it quits

volatility · 30/04/2020 04:51

From my experience, a man who says that at the start of dating (if they’ve no kids and never been married) is likely to be hard work and a bit belligerent and arrogant. They wear it like a badge of honour. What do you want? If you’ve never been married or had kids then why limit yourself? Surely don’t waste your time? At least find somebody who says “sure maybe one day” open to the possibility. If you want the marriage/kids things then just say “ah ok. I do want to get married so it’s best we stop talking now. We want different things so let’s call it a day. Wishing you the best for the future. Take care” in my experience women who know exactly what they want and are firm about it are the happiest in life

Sharpandshineyteeth · 30/04/2020 04:54

Wtf is a beta Male?

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 30/04/2020 05:43

Wouldn't bother me. Marriage isn't for everyone. If they were very well off I would certainly see why they wouldn't want to.

Shoxfordian · 30/04/2020 05:46

If you want to get married then you should leave the relationship because you don't want the same future

Aposterhasnoname · 30/04/2020 06:46

Dumped several for this very reason. To a man, they all back-pedalled like crazy, but too late. As soon as they start that “I can’t give you xyz” shit, I’m gone.

Bluesheep8 · 30/04/2020 07:06

I've been with DP for 24 years. We've just never got round to it.

TigerDater · 30/04/2020 07:44

If you’re young OP and he declares this, I would read it as ‘I don’t ever want to get married...to you.’ Older, with kids/assets, it’s a bit more murky.

I never planned to marry and I don’t know why i did - I sort of bumbled into it. Not everyone has a firm plan and goals when they’re young I guess, but you can’t ignore what he said. In the end it’s what YOU want that matters. If you know that’s marriage, you should move on.

(I kept my financial independence, had three amazing DC, divorced the idiot XH. I’m soooo much happier unmarried. Never again.)

Hopoindown31 · 30/04/2020 08:36

Wtf is a beta Male?

It is a term used by red pillers and MGTOW men as part of their idea that there are two types of men: Alphas who are a minority and are sexually desired by women and betas who are your average bloke who women will settle for if they earn enough money but will leave or cheat on if a suitable alpha comes along. It is just part of their whole misogynistic shtick.

userxx · 30/04/2020 08:45

It would be a deal breaker if he wanted to marry me I'm afraid. Not a chance.

SandyY2K · 30/04/2020 08:55

I'd definitely call it quits if I wanted marriage and the person I was with didn't.

SandyY2K · 30/04/2020 09:08

Wtf is a beta Male?

A man who is not as successful or powerful as other men. ( As defined in the Cambridge dictionary)

I disagree with that definition.

It is said in day to day terms.. a man who lacks masculinity.

A man who doesn't assert himself and is something of a pushover and is submissive.

Cuckolds would be described as beta males, as they submit to the Alpha Male to satisfy their wives due to their sexual inferiority.

I also found this definition

By very definition, beta males live their lives based on the values and vision of other people. They seek validation at every turn and because they lack self-reliance and a strong sense of personal identity, they fall into patterns of neediness and approval-seeking behaviors.

They do not believe that they are “enough” as a man and so they desperately seek to prove their worth through any means possible.

category12 · 30/04/2020 09:17

Any bloke who calls himself an alpha male is a cock.

Anyone using that sort of alpha/beta terminology seriously is someone to be wary of.

IMO.

zozozoe · 30/04/2020 09:21

It would annoy me because I dislike people who make such melodramatic, sweeping statements.

merryhouse · 30/04/2020 10:31

By very definition, beta males live their lives based on the values and vision of other people. They seek validation at every turn and because they lack self-reliance and a strong sense of personal identity, they fall into patterns of neediness and approval-seeking behaviors.

They do not believe that they are “enough” as a man and so they desperately seek to prove their worth through any means possible.

Hahaha, my husband must be an alpha male.

Excuse us while he and his entire acquaintance collapse in helpless giggles

... or alternatively, this faux biology stuff is bollocks...

Truthpact · 30/04/2020 10:48

Yes I would leave.

I never get people who say that marriage isn't for them. That's just basically saying I don't want to be tied to you, I want to keep my options open just incase. Because a marriage is no different than a long term relationship. You still have to work on a relationship, still have to be loyal, not cheat (assuming it's monogamous), help each other, be there for each other etc. If you're happy to live with someone, have children with them etc, what's the issue with marriage?

Only difference is: its legal. Its binding. Its more difficult to get out of. That scares people I guess. I can understand if you've been in an abusive relationship and won't trust someone again in that way. But no history of that? You've got no reason. Other than you aren't sure they are the right one. You see it with men all the time on here, the man doesn't want to marry, woman eventually leaves him, man is married to someone else in months. He did want marriage, just not with you.

DontWatchTheShining · 30/04/2020 10:51

@Lemonheaddd - it's impossible to say anything meaningful based on this little info. Why does he not want to get married? And do you? What is each of you after in life?

Inconnu · 30/04/2020 10:56

This would be a deal breaker for me so I'd end it.

lockdownlowdown · 30/04/2020 11:32

@Truthpact somebody telling it like it is

RantyAnty · 30/04/2020 11:45

OP this is where you need to have your must haves on what you want in a relationship and you don't ignore them.

If you are looking for marriage and children, then you immediately dismiss anyone who isn't interested in that.

Guys will waste years of a women's life just for some regular sex and companionship when they know she isn't the one for them.

So cut this guy loose today if not sooner!

Scott72 · 30/04/2020 11:47

"Only difference is: its legal. Its binding. Its more difficult to get out of. That scares people I guess."

There's also a huge stigma attached to ending a marriage versus ending an informal long term relationship. Marriage is still supposed to be for life. Anything less than life is viewed as a significant failure, far more so than just breaking up a LTR. That is scary too.

RantyAnty · 30/04/2020 11:49

When a man says I don't want to get married add the words to you to the end as that's what he is really saying

I don't want a relationship ... with you
I don't want to get married ...to you
I don't want to be exclusive ... with you
I'm not ready for kids... with you
I don't want to move in...with you

That's what a guy is really saying

welshladywhois40 · 30/04/2020 11:55

Depends really on if he will still commit otherwise ie live together, mortgage or children.

I am 40, divorced and said never to get married again. So did my partner originally.

4 years down the track with one amazing son and a mortgage we are going to get married as we want to be married.

A side note the reason I hated being married originally is my ex used to refer to me as "his". You are my wife so you will do this. Hated, hated it.

Maybe worth understanding what is driving his decision?

SimonJT · 30/04/2020 12:13

It depends on their reason. I have friends who went through awful divorces so would never marry again.

I wanted to get married, but I now realise that’s because it wasn’t an option for people like me. Now I can get married I’m not particularly fussed. Someone’s property, money etc belonging to me and mine to them isn’t something I feel I need.

LolaSmiles · 30/04/2020 12:16

Not necessarily ranty.
Some men don't want to get married and don't want to have kids, just like there are women who don't want marriage and kids.

Truthpact · 30/04/2020 12:28

There's also a huge stigma attached to ending a marriage versus ending an informal long term relationship. Marriage is still supposed to be for life. Anything less than life is viewed as a significant failure, far more so than just breaking up a LTR. That is scary too.

There is by some, not all. I personally wouldn't care if someone divorced, it would be sad, but it works better for them that way.

But I see people trying to justify why they don't get married, how they are stronger than that, they don't need a piece of paper, they don't want to spend thousands etc.

It's all bullshit. If you're that strong, why would a certificate make any difference? If a piece of paper means nothing to you, then you could say the same about any legal document. If its too expensive, wrong, it can be very cheap to get married. Doesn't need to cost thousands.

There are those that have their reasons, I get those that were abused in previous marriages. I don't get those that haven't. If you're that much stronger in your ltr than other people who are married, prove it and get married. It will make no difference in your life apparently.

Getting married makes no difference to mine and my fiancé's life. We act like an old married couple anyway. We bicker, we laugh, we wind each other up, we support each other. Getting married just means we are husband and wife. We want to spend our life together with each other only. We don't want another option, only each other. If you can say that, why not get married?