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Original poster

Never ever get married

95 replies

Lemonheaddd · 29/04/2020 22:29

Somebody your dating says they never ever want to get married, what would your thoughts be if you want to one day? Would you call it quits

OP posts:
ConnieDoodle · 29/04/2020 23:23

do YOU want to get married? Of you do, the. Dont waste any more time on this one.

FruChoc · 29/04/2020 23:27

Doesn't want to get married or doesn't want a wedding?
I realise most will be able to make the distinction but I didn't at first.
I felt the same - not wanting to have a wedding clouded my decision in not wanting to get married. In the end with the very right person - I wanted a marriage.
(11years and brilliant)

Candyfloss99 · 29/04/2020 23:31

I'm financially independent. Couldn't really care less whether I get married or not!

Hunnybears · 29/04/2020 23:36

No it wouldn’t be quits. Marriage isn’t fit everyone. Some don’t want to conform in a particular way but doesn’t mean they can’t be a great partner.

I know plenty of marriages that have broken down. I know plenty of couples who aren’t married yet lived together happily for years.

Some people see it as a waste of money. Some people don’t like the fuss and having to be the centre of attention for a day but perhaps they feel pressured to marry locally so chose not to bother.

I don’t think you should throw away the potential love of your life on the back of the other one not wanting marriage. It’s all lovely on the day but ultimately it isn’t the be all and end all.

I say this as someone who is married

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2020 23:38

Don't be one of those idiots who believe they can change their partner's mind. Run like hell.

MadCattery · 29/04/2020 23:38

In 1983, my then DP told me he never wanted to get married or have children. We had been together 5 yrs, since we were 17. I could see he was dead serious, and even at that age, I knew I would not be happy if I could not be a mother, and he would never be happy to be forced to be a father. I broke up with him that night. Met someone else and married several years later, had wonderful children, married for 22 yrs. When the marriage broke up, a year later my old BF was right there-and was ready to get married! This time, I made him wait (10 years) but we are happily married. I'll say this, though-he had a couple of long term relationships, but if he had married and/or had children during those years, I would not have been able to deal with that. I mean, if he had decided to have them with someone else, rather than me. But, he didn't and we got the Happily Ever After.

NoMoreDickheads · 29/04/2020 23:39

I hate the idea of being married, or even living with someone nowadays, but how I feel about it isn't relevant.

If you want to get married to someone eventually and they say they don't, there's no point you seeing them. No point spending a relationship trying to convince someone to do something they've said at the start they don't want to do.

I wouldn't even bother shagging them/having them just for sex in case you got too involved and felt you'd had your time wasted/been messed around with.

Viviennemary · 29/04/2020 23:40

I'd avoid any man who said that. Too much baggage.

Chiyo666 · 29/04/2020 23:41

I wouldn’t want to get married again. Don’t know why that makes me a bad choice.

ChanklyBore · 29/04/2020 23:45

I don’t “believe” in marriage. I’m a woman. I don’t believe in it in the sense that I don’t believe it is right for me, and if any partner wanted desperately to become married, then it wouldn’t be a possibility with me. They are free to do with that information as they will.

It doesn’t make dating me or being in a long term relationship with me a waste of time.

ChristmasCarcass · 29/04/2020 23:47

I wouldn’t want to get married again. Don’t know why that makes me a bad choice.

Surely you can see why it makes you a bad choice for somebody who wants to get married? Grin

It doesn’t make you (or this guy) a bad person, but it does mean you aren’t compatible with somebody who wants to settle down and have a family. And it would be insanity for OP to carry on going out with him in the hope that maybe she is The One who will change his mind. That’s why people are saying LTB. If she didn’t want to get married she wouldn’t be on here asking if it’s a dealbreaker, so obviously it’s important to her.

mindutopia · 29/04/2020 23:47

Nope, I wouldn’t be interested. I met dh when he was barely 21. I told him I wanted to get married and have children in a few years time. He was like, great. It’s worked out fantastically after all these years. Anyone who so clearly had a different vision for the future just wouldn’t be worth the effort.

TinRoofRusty · 29/04/2020 23:48

I would not waste a second more of my time. Absolute dealbreaker. Wouldn't bother getting further involved. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Wanderlust21 · 29/04/2020 23:50

Maybe, but more just because I would wonder if they had a problem with women or commitment. It seems a sorta standoffish thing to say.

Viviennemary · 29/04/2020 23:58

If people are against marriage because they had a bad experience of it, then it's a bit unfair to project this on to new partner. IMHO.

category12 · 30/04/2020 00:06

It doesn't matter what other people think about marriage or whether they want to, if it's important to OP to get married, then it's important to her. The mistake would be to be on a different page with a long term partner and end up unhappy.

It doesn’t make dating me or being in a long term relationship with me a waste of time. It does, if it's something the other person really wants.

We're allowed to have our own life goals and dealbreakers. If those don't match up, there are other fish in the sea.

ChanklyBore · 30/04/2020 00:13

I’ve been in a relationship with someone who really wants marriage for over 20 years.

I don’t want marriage, so we aren’t married. I have always been up front about that fact. He has always been upfront that he does want it. And a wedding. He has always wanted a wedding and vows and rings and a bride in a white dress. He couldn’t get those things from me. He still stuck around and it hasn’t been a waste of time, we are verry happy.

Noconceptofnormal · 30/04/2020 01:10

Completely depends on your situation. If you wabt to have kids then I would say it is essential to get married as women need the financial security whilst they inevitably lose income from being the main carer of a small child (in the vast majority of cases).

But if I was in the situation of being single again I wouldn't remarry as I have significant assets that I want my children to benefit from. I do think it's less clear cut if children are not involved.

RainMinusBow · 30/04/2020 01:49

@Noconceptofnormal I'm the exception to the rule then - I am better off financially than my fiancé despite being almost 36 weeks pregnant and I will still be after maternity leave. I have two children from my first marriage so feel the same as your para 2.

eaglejulesk · 30/04/2020 02:40

It wouldn't bother me to be honest, but if marriage is really what you want then there doesn't seem much point in continuing the relationship. Lots of couples have happy long term relationships without marriage by the way, but ultimately it's up to you.

eaglejulesk · 30/04/2020 02:42

Yes because men in love or who are really interested ( and they know if they're interested early on) don't say that.

What rubbish! There are many reasons people (not just men by the way) don't want marriage. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't want a long term relationship.

Reginabambina · 30/04/2020 02:49

Yes, if you don’t want the same thing one if you will always be unhappy.

lockdownlowdown · 30/04/2020 02:59

@eaglejulesk except it's not rubbish. If a man sees something he wants, he goes after it. If he sees a woman that seems ok for now he'll sit there for a while (days, weeks, months, years even) but it will all be on his terms until he either gets bored or finds someone that does spark some passion in him. Unless you're dealing with a beta male/ Peter Pan type male which some women manage with but sounds like the op does want to get married. If she's looking for marriage and a family these types need to be avoided like the plague.

bbyj2019 · 30/04/2020 03:07

Good 9/10 murders on fbi files are for the wife’s life insurance no marriage no problem

Scott72 · 30/04/2020 04:46

@lockdownlowdown I thought beta male just meant average/regular bloke?

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