Giddy but scared I'll put him off.

[justanotherdayinparadise1]

I have met someone on line a while ago. We have messaged back and forth and spoken on the phone. I'm
Giddy with excitement as is he but we will meet when lockdown is over , as far as we can predict at the moment but I'm scared.
I'm
Scared because although I am comfortable with myself and my body, the fact remains that it's big and wobbly. I'm
About two stone overweight and have a flabby belly and I'm
Worried that he won't find me attractive physically when it comes down to dtd. Also I haven't had sex in a year and my husbands affair did plenty of damage to that side of my confidence.
Please advise. I don't want to ruin the build up by being worried that he may reject me. Already there has been lots of lovely phone sex and message sexting and he is eager, but I've told him From the start that I won't be sending intimate photos etc as I am nervous about putting that stuff online and also I would like a little left to the imagination. Thoughts and advice from men also very welcome, thank you.

These are weird times, and it must be so hard for people who are trying to date. My view, for what it's worth, is that there is no harm in enjoying the sexy online interactions, especially since it sounds like you're being cautious about what you send. And so what if there is no chemistry when you do finally meet

This is nonsense, and would only make sense if she was up for nothing more than a shag irrelevant of how she finds him when they meet, and her mental health could take rejection.

Yes you can’t meet in person but video calls is a thing.

Op, are you basically telling this man when you meet him you’ll have sex with him? Is that why you’re worried about doing the deed, his rejection and your body?

As said, start to plan video calls at the very least. Try not to make them sexual but more about dating, and getting to know each other, because it seems you’re not after just a shag, you want a relationship.

Also, I personally would find him wanting phone sex before you have even met a huge red flag and I would think he’s probably after only one thing. I appreciate we all have different deal-breakers but I think the fact he too is jumping ahead before getting to know the ‘real’ you would ring alarm bells for me. Take care!

It's all projection. You don't know him at all. This is quite normal with someone new, but unfortunately circumstances are prolonging your separation, which means that there's so much more time to build up the kind of fantasies that you're dealing with now.

I also think there's probably little point in telling you this, because you're in the throes of limerence, which is so compelling and addictive it stops you from seeing sense.

So just look after yourself and your sense of proportion as best you can right now, okay?

Oh honey, I've been anywhere from 2 to 4 stone overweight when meeting people from OLD and having fun, consensual, sex with them.
As long as you're upfront about what you actually look like, and it's not going to take him by surprise, you have nothing to worry about.

I don’t think op is concerned about the phone sex as she calls it ‘lovely.’

Well the enjoyment is the flattery and the attention. This doesn’t translate to why she posted about it really, because she’s not as confident as she would like to be

@justanotherdayinparadise1 I totally understand what you are saying, both about the connection and the way you’re feeling about your body in anticipation of meeting. I have been through both recently. DM me if you wish.

Thanks. I did not expect any more advice or comments so I only checked now.
We have arranged a video call for tomorrow evening so I'm looking forward to that. He has ramped up contact but we are talking about everything for hours.
It's a good opportunity to mind my diet and walking little longer each day but I know that there's no such thing as perfection.
Thanks for your advice and ideas.

Hope it goes well! Keep us informed 😊

That's great @justanotherdayinparadise1 hope you enjoy the video chat and great that he has ramped up the contact...good sign xx

I will . Thank you for all advice

How do you know he's not just stringing you along and has no intention of meeting getting involved emotionally like this is insane. Lots of people do this on line and have no intention of meeting. He's probably enjoying the thrill. Ask yourself how hurt you will feel if that's the case?

Yes I would feel hurt but because we have chatted so much and been open and getting to know each other and because we have acquaintances in common, I am taking my chances.
I have done my homework and all opinions of him is that he is an incredibly nice guy and what he has told me about all areas of his life are true according to those who know him so I'll give it a shot. I know there is a risk but Id prefer to take it than let him go for now .

Good luck. I hope he is everything you thought he would be. I would definitely try to hold back on the sexual stuff though as from personal experience, it puts pressure on things happening far quicker than you would normally want. Then once it was out of the way really early on, everything else just seemed to fizzle out. Treat them mean to keep them keen...it works! Getting to you know you chat and a little flirt before proper dates x

Thanks.

You don't know him but have mutual friends who know him?

I'm sure he knows what you look like, you met him online, so you must have swapped/seen pics? So he knows what you look like.

I'm sure if he wasn't into a person slightly overweight he wouldn't engage with you.

If you do a video chat you'll get to see him too, so probably best to see how that goes before planning when you have sex.

See how the video chat goes, it may seal the deal, it may go awful. You'll know yourself if you have a Connection, but make sure you see he is who he really says he is.

Thanks I will.?It will tell a lot.

Please be careful having phone sex and sexting with someone you have never met. I did this and it ended up in a horrible situation where I felt I had to things I did not want to do. Also a lot of men online will use you for the gratification they are getting with no intention of ever meeting, and with the situation as it is now he will know there is a good chance it will fizzle out before you ever get to meet

Thanks . I will take that into account . I am very aware that he could do this as any person could , I'm
Lightly placing faith in him. I cannot do anymore to protect myself while interacting with him. He has a high profile and
Public job and is often in the media with a big ethical angle so I like to think that even though I do involve myself , my responses are very casual and non specific . And
My profile picture is scenic . No photos of me

Thanks . I will take that into account . I am very aware that he could do this as any person could , I'm
Lightly placing faith in him. I cannot do anymore to protect myself while interacting with him. He has a high profile and
Public job and is often in the media with a big ethical angle so I like to think that even though I do involve myself , my responses are very casual and non specific . And
My profile picture is scenic . No photos of me

Hope it goes well OP

Thanks @Bristolbitsandbobs

So does he not know what you look like? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

You asked, in your opening post, for a male perspective;

You do, with respect, sound 'giddy' and you describe your would be paramour as being 'eager' - quelle surprise! All I can say is to counsel you to be very, very cautious. Very cautious indeed.

You are an adult and you admit that you enjoy the 'sexting', your prerogative, but, personally, it would be an absolute deal breaker for me if I were seeking a relationship. To my mind, and I am willing to be informed otherwise, it is indicative of those who are simply looking for a fling or casual, no strings sex and would put me right off.

In respect of your feelings about your body, that is, of course, purely subjective and your view that you are two stone overweight may not accord with the opinion of your potential partner who may see you as being a perfect size!

May I wish you good luck, but please be careful.

Thanks. He knows what I look like , fully clad .