Hi, for context I’m now 21 and he’s 24.
So yesterday I finally left my boyfriend for good, we’ve been together for 2 years since I was 19 and he was 22, he proposed very early and we’ve had issues the whole way through due to his behaviour.
These issues include him regularly escalating tiny issues into something big, and then carrying on to the point of threatening to break up with me, saying he doesn’t love me until the point of me crying. Everytime he does this he blames it on being sexually abused when he was ten, I appreciate that this was awful for him but he uses it as an excuse for everything.
He once caused a problem from my male friend doing my shoelace for me, my friend had untied it joking around, so he retied it for me, this escalated into him accusing me of cheating on him with said friend?
When we were on holiday he causes an argument over literally nothing, and then proceeded to rip some of my money in half, said I was worse than his ex who cheated on him and physically abused him, ignored me for 10 hours and then claimed to not remember anything because “he’d had too much to drink”. I’d drank the same amount and remember everything.
He’s accused me of cheating multiple times.
He’s threatened to break up with me if I left the flat.
He used silence as a way to control the situation, has ignored me for days at a time knowing it makes my anxiety awful.
He’d break up with me and then backtrack and say that’s not what he meant and that I jumped to conclusions.
We had a chat about saving for a flat after uni and both agreed on how much we’d save from each student finance instalment and from our wages to ensure we’d have enough to move into a flat. Early on when I’d saved £1000 he only had £250 because he’d spent that much of his savings on random crap, think xbox games, an Apple Watch, a new Alexa, all stuff he didn’t need.
I’m general he made me feel crap a lot of the time, with little sly remarks he’d make, little digs, comments he knew would hurt me. He made me block certain people out of my life who he didn’t want me talking to.
He’d fly into aggressive rages, screaming, throwing stuff across the flat, he threatened to piss into my water bottle once because he thought I had locked myself in the bathroom, when in fact the door was unlocked and I wasn’t even in the flat.
He also has a phone bill under my name which he’d threaten not to pay as a way to control the situation.
Everytime he causes a problem he’ll link it back to something that happened in his past, being sexually abused, his ex hitting on him, his ex cheating on him etc.
Yesterday I returned to my flat (as I still pay rent there and I’d been at my mums for a month after the last time he kicked off, which resulted in him throwing something across the room which would have hit me if I hadn’t have moved, he also had me cornered in the bathroom screaming at me saying it’s my fault he acts this way).
After being in the flat for not even five minutes I knew I didn’t want to be there. I instantly felt sick and my stomach felt off, and I realised in that moment I couldn’t carry on anymore, it’s worn me down emotionally. I’m always waiting for the next time he kicks off. As soon as I said I was leaving because I couldn’t do it anymore he starts yelling and screaming and trying to throw my belongings out of the flat.
In the 5 minutes it took me to walk to the train station he’s rang me at least 30 times, sent nasty texts and sent me threats. I know my decision was 100% correct but I’m still having doubts, and just really need some reassurance that it will never be a healthy relationship.