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Original poster

Should I forgive him?

57 replies

Clairerichy · 27/04/2020 18:07

My partner of 4 years, started sexting a colleague back in Dec, I found out in Feb they were still seeing each other, our relationship ended, I found out he moved in with here for a week and they were still seeing each other. He has now ended it and moved back home, he says he will quit his job, and that he loves me so much, and has blocked all contact with here, he suffers from depression and was drinking too much, he says he wasn't thinking clearly because of this, and she boosted his ego. We are financially tied, and he had no were to live due to money and no family local. I still love him. Should we try and make it work?

OP posts:
Onacleardayyoucansee · 27/04/2020 18:13

He needs to prove he is addressing the 'reasons' why he was sexting a colleague.

Otherwise its more of the same, surely?

I would want to see what actions he is taking, not take him back on the basis of what he says.
Talk is cheap.

ChristmasFluff · 27/04/2020 18:36

He thought the grass was greener and it wasn't. He didn't even fight for you until it ended with her. You are literally his fallback girl.

Sod that for a game of soldiers.

TooTrueToBeGood · 27/04/2020 18:39

Absolutely. He'll never do it again, they never do, ever, no sir.

You've already decided though so why ask?

Babdoc · 27/04/2020 18:43

He would need to stop the drinking, get treatment for the depression, and understand that he was on probation as far as your marriage Is concerned.
He would also have to accept responsibility for the hurt he has caused you, and realise that he has to start from scratch to earn your trust back. He cannot simply say sorry and expect everything to go back to normal.
If he is willing to comply with all that, then it is entirely your call as to whether you think he is worth giving a second chance, or whether you have lost trust, respect and love for him and feel the relationship is beyond saving.

category12 · 27/04/2020 18:43

Well, he's very likely to do it again.

He should really find himself a new job, find himself a room and be worthwhile dating to prove himself. But you're just going to let him back in the house, and it'll be like it never happened, until he's "depressed" again.

boireannach · 27/04/2020 18:45

No.

CokeEnStock · 27/04/2020 18:48

No. He shagged her when he was meant to be your partner.

ponchek · 27/04/2020 18:51

How long have you been together and does he have any previous?

Tbh he's done the right thing - stopped, blocked, removed, learnt, full of what sounds like genuine remorse. Personally I'd have a v frank conversation with him that if he ever gives you any cause for mistrust ever again there's no discussion and he's out, and I'd forgive him and give it a chance. If you really live each other and you feel you can trust him again.

No codes on phones of course. No passwords. Everything totally open.

chipsandgin · 27/04/2020 18:54

Nope. Never ever ever. He’ll do it again. You’ll also spend the rest of your life wondering what that text was, where he really is..fuck that shit!

NoMoreDickheads · 27/04/2020 19:29

No!

And a lot of people have depression or drink too much and don't stray. It's not even like it was a drunken indiscretion as it wasn't just one or two nights or something.

Men are two-a-penny. No need to keep a crap one who treats you any old way.

Start working out what to do financially etc and split with him ASAP. xxx

BumbleBeee69 · 27/04/2020 21:23

he suffers from depression and was drinking too much, he says he wasn't thinking clearly because of this, and she boosted his ego.

Jesus christ.. he can't even make up original excuses... Hmm

so what happens when some other White Witch comes along and strokes his ego... Confused

being financially tied to a deceitful unfaithful Twat does not stop him being a deceitful unfaithful TWAT...

it's a NO from me... Flowers

Ruffins · 27/04/2020 21:30

Not a chance. No way.

whywhywhy6 · 27/04/2020 21:40

No.

LittleViolets · 28/04/2020 01:06

No change in hell!

LittleViolets · 28/04/2020 01:07

*chance seriously autocorrect.

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/04/2020 01:39

Can you even just choose to forgive him OP?Confused I think it's more complicated than that.

Longdistance · 28/04/2020 01:45

No.
He needs to move out again. He only came back because it didn’t work out with ow. He’ll have his feet under the table in no time. He’s not to be trusted.

Downunderduchess · 28/04/2020 02:23

It may have been her decision to end it not his. And so he came home & put the best spin on it he could. Just speculating, but who’s to say what really happened.

browzingss · 28/04/2020 02:55

Let’s be honest she probably ended it, not him, and he’s come running back to you as a backup option

AlwaysCheddar · 28/04/2020 07:43

Don’t have him back. Trust is key and he’s a lying cheating scumbag.

strawberry2017 · 28/04/2020 07:51

This is the time you know about,
How will you ever be sure there hasn't been any other times?

I could never trust my husband again if he did that. I wouldn't have let him back the first time.
Love his excuses though, seems mental health gives you a get out clause for every shitty bit of behaviour going these days.

I'm sorry OP, whatever you decide is going to be a hard decision but nobody deserves to be treated that way no matter how depressed someone is.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/04/2020 08:03

If no kids involved then this is a total no-brainer.
Raise your bar.
Want better for yourself.
He upped and left without a second thought for you.
He thought the grass was greener.
You'd never trust him again.
It's a horrible life.
Don't sabotage your own life for 'a man'
He truly isn't worth it.
Tell him to fuck off and move on with your life.
Find someone worthy of you who won't fuck off at the drop of a pair of knickers!
You KNOW what to do.
Don't wast another 4 years OP.
You'll have kids and he'll fuck off and leave you to do it all.
Nope NOPE NOPE
He's a sleazy liar and a cheating scumbag.
How he doesn't just make your skin crawl is beyond me!

Original poster
Clairerichy · 17/06/2020 14:41

As previous message I took him back, he's done well on the stopping drinking and is looking for a new job, last night I seen a Snapchat message from her on his phone, don't know what it said, but he says she keeps harrassing him?

OP posts:
AllyBamma · 17/06/2020 14:49

So he hasn’t blocked her on everything then has he. Sounds like he’s messing you around OP. Is this all you think you’re worth? Please realize you can do so much better than this

BluebellForest836 · 17/06/2020 14:54

Didn’t need to read past this and it was a No..

My partner of 4 years, started sexting a colleague back in Dec, I found out in Feb they were still seeing each other

Are you really going to believe that she’s harassing him? Why didn’t he block her on snap chat for a start and it’s a bit unbelievable that she’s ‘harassing’ him on the one flat form that automatically deletes all messages Hmm

Come on OP. Be smart, you know he’s lying.