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Original poster

Should I forgive him?

57 replies

Clairerichy · 27/04/2020 18:07

My partner of 4 years, started sexting a colleague back in Dec, I found out in Feb they were still seeing each other, our relationship ended, I found out he moved in with here for a week and they were still seeing each other. He has now ended it and moved back home, he says he will quit his job, and that he loves me so much, and has blocked all contact with here, he suffers from depression and was drinking too much, he says he wasn't thinking clearly because of this, and she boosted his ego. We are financially tied, and he had no were to live due to money and no family local. I still love him. Should we try and make it work?

OP posts:
Hanbam · 17/06/2020 14:54

If he had blocked her then he wouldn’t be receiving snapchat messages would he?

FlaskMaster · 17/06/2020 14:59

No. Sounds like he's only back with you because he needs to in the circumstances of having nowhere to go and financial ties to you. The fact he's still in touch with her is a massive red flag too, especially as it is still secret contact between them. He could have blocked her. He could have opened up the message to show you the content. He didn't, he just fed you some more bullshit to get you to put up with his sorry arse. Throw him out, let him have the consequences of his own actions. If you let him stay until he's back on his feet, he'll be off with the next one as soon as the opportunity arises anyway.

Original poster
Clairerichy · 17/06/2020 14:59

He says she created a new account?

OP posts:
OD87K · 17/06/2020 15:01

Don't take him back

SHAR0N · 17/06/2020 15:03

My goodness you are gullible OP.

I know you want to believe him but it’s clear as day that he’s cheating on you and he will go on doing so.

AllyBamma · 17/06/2020 15:03

It’s up to you OP. Open your eyes and realise what’s going on, or close them and pretend everything is ok.
He was sexting her for months. Not just a drunken one-off. And he’s clearly doing it again. Because he got away with before so he’s having a crack again. Absolutely not blaming you one little bit, he’s the arsehole here but please don’t let him get away with it again.

BluebellForest836 · 17/06/2020 15:04

Ask for his phone.

Go on snapchat, click on her icon next to her name.

It will bring her up profile.

What is the number... for example I’ve attached an image of someone on my account that has the number over 71K.

If it’s like 1-5 then it’s a new account or its an account they made and hardly ever use... if it’s more then it’s not new.

What’s her number?

Should I forgive him?
BluebellForest836 · 17/06/2020 15:12

Snapchat says your score is the combined number of Snaps you've sent and received. You get one point for every Snap you send and a point for every Snap you receive. You don't get points for your Snapchat Stories

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/06/2020 15:15

You’ve taken him back and shown him what he can get away with so not sure why you’re asking what anyone here thinks. He’s blatantly disrespecting you and lying to you.

wendywoopywoo222 · 17/06/2020 15:35

The short answer is no you shouldn't forgive him. He has shown you how little respect he has for you and by forgiving him he will see that as a green light to continue to behave the same way. Your really worth so much more.

CruisingForABruising · 17/06/2020 15:40

I would never forgive this in a million years. Get some self respect.

AnnaNimmity · 17/06/2020 20:09

keep taking him back over and over and he will treat you worse and worse and lose all respect for you.

why would you be the fallback girl that he keeps going back to?

minmooch · 17/06/2020 20:14

No. Life doesn't have to be this hard. Plenty of people find love with people who don't lie and cheat.

Be one of those people.

MashedSpud · 17/06/2020 20:23

He’s a dirty liar.

She probably kicked him out and he had nowhere else to go.

Why doesn’t he ditch Snapchat?

MaeveDidIt · 17/06/2020 20:23

No way.
You can't trust him.
He will know he can get away with it with you.
He will/is doing it again.
Get some self-respect (with respect).

BumbleBeee69 · 17/06/2020 20:53

He's LYING Flowers

Instamaticgreenery · 17/06/2020 21:02

This is so much like my story at the beginning.

My ex was seeing a work colleague of his and I found out through a text message on his phone. We split up, he moved in with her, then he was full of remorse, depressed, having counselling, quit his job, he even moved away to get away from her.

I forgave him. I found another message. I forgave him. I found out she'd visited him.

This went on for over two years until I finally said no more. During that time I had two children with him, and he was seeing her the whole time.

He and OW now live happily ever after in the place he moved away to. She quit her job too and followed him. Very wildly romantic.

It's really hard to break away. Especially if you love him and have children. But based on my personal experience I think you should.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/06/2020 21:37

🙄 Oh she’s not harassing him. If she is you should encourage him to go to the police.

Cat112344 · 18/06/2020 03:17

Sorry he did that to you OP💐

Here’s a few red flags to break it down for you:

  • He met a woman when he was supposed to be working and had an affair. (He can’t be trusted to work) 🚩
-He decides he wants you back when it isn’t all what seemed to be with her (he’s using you) 🚩 -He promised to delete her off everything yet still she can contact him on snapchat 🚩 -Snapchat deletes all the messages sent and received the minute they’re opened. Anything could be said you’d have no clue. 🚩 -He’s using the famous ‘she’s harassing me’ card🚩

If he genuinely wanted zero contact with her, he’d have made a new snapchat so she couldn’t possibly get in touch. He’s lying to you OP, He’s still seeing her sexually as relationship wise he wasn’t interested.

You will never trust this man to work again, that is no way to live. What about when the next woman who catches his eye comes along and he starts all of this again and you’ve wasted even more time on him. I’m so sorry OP you must be devastated but trust me you are worth a lot more!

Aquamarine1029 · 18/06/2020 03:21

He is playing you for an absolute fool and you're letting him. Raise your standards.

Littlebyerockerboo · 18/06/2020 03:29

Please dont op.

My ex H. Left for his ex gf. 6 months.
Came crawling back. All the Im sorries. Don't love her. Ill come back home. Be perfect. Blah blah.

We owned a house. Finically tied. I took him back. Ivf and had our DS.

Fast forward till now. Guess where DH is?

Living with OW. Baby over the age of 1, was meant to be getting married this year. Home owners.

DS is shared 50/50 and its crap.

If i had never had listened to his rubbish, I wouldn't have a DS going through this now.

You've done the hard bit and got rid. Please leave it in the past. I regret ever taking him back.

(Ps. I lost out financially and emotionally by his betrayal, where as hes seemingly absolutely fine, and did great out of it all)

birdy124 · 18/06/2020 03:45

Do you have kids? If not run run run. If you do, still run m, but it will take a bit more time.

Littlebyerockerboo · 18/06/2020 08:43

@Instamaticgreenery our stories are so similar! First person ive ever seen say the almost identical story to mine, its just horrible isn't it!?
I found out my ex has been communicating with her when I had my DS too. Its unbelievable.

FaceOfASpink · 18/06/2020 08:50

Nope.

Instamaticgreenery · 18/06/2020 09:00

@Littlebyerockerboo oh I'm so sorry. It's awful to see other people have been through the same thing. It was horrific. We're years down the line now and it's easier, I've still got emotional scars though.

And my ex and OW seem to live a charmed life. My children love going there. It's about 50/50 with us too. But to start with it was just me on my own with two under two and a lot of emotional trauma!

I'm working on the all important self love and one day hope to meet a good man. But I'm 40 now and wasted ten years of my life on loving him. How are you getting on?