‘Only rough people get abortions’

[User28823]

I had an early abortion while in an early relationship years ago. While on a call with a friend, who doesn’t know about this, she told me a colleague had had an abortion recently, then said it was something only ‘rough people’ do.

I feel horrible about it. I don’t know what I’m asking really.

I agree that I know lots of middle and upper class women who've had abortions - for many reasons.
Contraceptive failure, relationship problems, key point in careers, had enough kids already, poor mental health, doubts who the father was when having an affair, all just from the top of my head. None taken lightly at all but all felt it was the best thing for them, their families and wouldn't change it.
She's an utter numpty - and sounds highly untrustworthy if she's talking about another woman's situation.

I work in the sector. There are lots of interesting trends in who accesses services, and at what stage of pregnancy (and how this is effected by cuts, cultural norms, etc)....but your friend is very very much mistaken. There are plenty of middle class people accessing abortion services. Doctors, teachers, solicitors, and general "people without regional accents whose occupation I dont know but I doubt can be considered "rough" by any stretch".

"It happens to the 'other'" is probably something that's generally appealing to believe. My experience is that even when someone is trying to arrange their own termination they may still continue to speak about other people accessing (the exact same!) services with contempt and disgust. They believe they're an exception to a rule. They're not. But they're probably less likely to admit it to their friends. Hence how someone could believe they dont knoe anyone who has had a termination. Statistically you almost certainly do but most people dont divulge their full medical record to many people, especially gynea issues or miscarriages, terminations, etc.

Good lord what a stupid thing to say. Perhaps only 'rough' women admit it - but then they don't always have abortions, they just have the babies. I've had one and I am very far from rough (an iud failed! Unbelievable!). And I refuse to feel guilty or ashamed. I only felt incredibly grateful I had the opportunity to have a legal, clean (almost) pain free procedure in a hospital with kind staff. Getting caught out can happen to everyone with a womb and I can guarantee you that the vast majority of women who would be in an awful situation if they had to have the baby quietly get on with not having the baby.
And it is one of the very few things you don't talk about unless you know someone well enough to know they won't judge. I thought I knew no one who had had abortions but over the years I've discovered that I know a lot of people who have.
As do you. Including married people, wealthy people and yes even posh people.

I dont have any statistics but common sense says it's the other way round....
If you work part time anyway in a non stressful job then one more baby wouldnt ruin your life...
If you were a barrister working 80 hrs a week then it could be career ending. Plus the higher earning a person is the more (I imagine) each child costs them. Driving lessons, car, wedding, house earnings whereas lower earning people are less likely to be contributing to those things anyway so an extra child would make less of a difference.
Caravan holiday with 2 rather than 3 children no big deal. Safari round Africa with one extra child - massive difference.
Not a compassionate thing for her to say.

This is really sad. I know it isn’t true- but an ex said similar to me 3 years ago when I had an abortion and I never got over it. He was EA and felt I was below him (he’s an oxbridge law grad), so I’m sure he felt the baby we conceived was too. He outright told me how nobody else he knew got pregnant accidentally and how his family would be horrified. It was like he removed himself from the situation and i was in the tainted underclass of women who are stupid and get pregnant accidentally.

It’s absolutely not true but sadly some people do have this attitude

How old is she? Sometimes people can't see things clearly because they haven't gone through it or through something similar with a friend or family member. Empathy sometimes needs experience to be taught.

Who the hell does she think she is, tell her when she’s done five years med school, two years working around the hospitals then she can then comment, that is dreadful behaviour. She doesn’t know the reason medical or otherwise.

What a cow she is. Do not allow her to upset you, you made the right decision for you.