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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

‘Only rough people get abortions’

83 replies

User28823 · 27/04/2020 12:35

I had an early abortion while in an early relationship years ago. While on a call with a friend, who doesn’t know about this, she told me a colleague had had an abortion recently, then said it was something only ‘rough people’ do.

I feel horrible about it. I don’t know what I’m asking really.

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 27/04/2020 13:01

I bet you do, pretty much all the women I know have had an abortion. I’m one of the only ones that haven’t! (Out of the people I know obviously)

Atleastitssunny · 27/04/2020 13:13

I didn’t know anyone who’d had an abortion either OP, until I comforted in my friend about it 10 years later and she admitted she’d had one too. Don’t feel alone Flowers your friends a dick.

1forAll74 · 27/04/2020 13:13

You know in your heart , that this person is talking a load of rubbish, so think of her as an empty headed ,and unkind person.

2bazookas · 27/04/2020 13:14

The poor stupid woman needs education and information. Enlighten her.

VettiyaIruken · 27/04/2020 13:15

Don't waste another minute on her. She's a twat.
You made the choice that was right for you. Nothing about that makes you or anyone "rough"

ItsMsActually · 27/04/2020 13:16

Well she's either very ignorant or very stupid.

ravenmum · 27/04/2020 13:16

I have no idea if anyone I know has had an abortion. Your friend is not very well-informed/imaginative/empathetic/experienced. Is she extremely young? What do you want to do, gently let her go?

macaroniandpizza · 27/04/2020 13:16

Your so called friend is a nasty bitch op. I had an abortion at 12wks at xmas time and it was the right decision for me and me alone. A woman has the right to have an abortion no matter what

Inferiorbeing · 27/04/2020 13:17

I had one last year, I'm well educated, own a house and have a good job. I'm also engaged. It was not the right time for a baby, we were having serious relationship problems and I was just finishing some training which meant no maternity pay or support.

Original poster
User28823 · 27/04/2020 13:19

I think she was also referring to age too which embarrassed me as I was 35

OP posts:
Notmyrealname855 · 27/04/2020 13:20

OP that’s such an awful thing to hear and she’s a judgemental liar. That “friend” is horrible and misinformed. OP I hope you know that’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone say that because it’s just wrong, how can she be judgemental about abortions at all. Who is she to even talk about a colleague’s abortion. Awful and wrong Angry

thesesocksaretootight · 27/04/2020 13:21

What an awful thing to say.

It's about on a par with what SIL once said - according to her, apparently only stupid lower-class people get lung cancer, because they smoke.

noyoucannotcomein · 27/04/2020 13:21

Shame on her for telling you something so personal about another human being, never mind her poor judgment.

I'd consider telling her that I didn't wish to be friends with someone who would spread gossip like that.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 27/04/2020 13:22

What a nob

Disregard her, she isn't worth listening to about anything

LightenUpSummer · 27/04/2020 13:25

What else does she think only rough people do?? I'd change my whole opinion of her I'm afraid, and probably want to distance myself permanently.

Don't let idiots upset you OP Flowers

MarieQueenofScots · 27/04/2020 13:25

She doesn't sound very emotionally bright, she also sounds incredibly crass and insensitive.

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone with such horrid views.

OP - you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Flowers

mumwon · 27/04/2020 13:27

hope this isn't a tactless comparison but I bet she judges people who have IVF too
I know of someone who contract rubella in early pregnancy or women who fall pregnant in the menopause or young people who were under some form of influence - whether its because you cant afford or are going through a stressful situation.
I have one steadfast belief - every child should be wanted - & many unplanned pregnancy can become wanted - but for some women its just not the right time & NO contraception is 100%
Your "friend" is ignorant

Shopkinsdoll · 27/04/2020 13:30

Thick and rude!!! 🤬🤬

Stephie0x3 · 27/04/2020 13:30

What a nasty thing to say!!! She does not understand people’s reasons, clearly! You do not need to feel bad about this and it does NOT make you a ‘rough person’. You may not know anybody who has had an abortion because people don’t often speak about it, please do not feel bad op because you made the choice at the time which you believed was for the best in the situation you was in. At the end of the day it is up to each woman to decide if they shall continue a pregnancy or not, and nobody else has the right to judge or comment on the life of another as nobody knows their story. Flowers

SoftBlocks · 27/04/2020 13:31

You probably do know other people who have had abortions, they just don’t discuss it.

sunshinewishes · 27/04/2020 13:32

You're asking if you are rough based on your friends definition.

You're not, and your friend is a twat.

helpmum2003 · 27/04/2020 13:37

1 in 3 women have had an abortion. Just ignore her uneducated comment.

okiedokieme · 27/04/2020 13:37

I suspect it's actually the other way around - middle class teenagers also accidentally get pregnant, but their mums get the problem "sorted" so it doesn't affect their future. I'm generalising because women from across the socioeconomic spectrum have abortions for a myriad of reasons, from too young to too old, too early in a relationship to oops situations long after the planned kids were born. Most of the women I know well enough to discuss such things have including me, and we had varied reasons that were right for us at the time.

RuffleCrow · 27/04/2020 13:38

She sounds like one of those 'friends' you grow out of as you mature.

Lilolily · 27/04/2020 13:40

I think I would have had to tell her that mine was in the best interests of my family and mental health, and that if she actually asked, she'd find out about a lot of women she knows who’ve had them for all kinds of reasons.

Your reason is the only thing that matters in your life. X