‘Only rough people get abortions’

[User28823]

I had an early abortion while in an early relationship years ago. While on a call with a friend, who doesn’t know about this, she told me a colleague had had an abortion recently, then said it was something only ‘rough people’ do.

I feel horrible about it. I don’t know what I’m asking really.

Referring to age, I was 28.

Do you have any stats on that @therona? I'd assume once you know how babies are made the risks are about the same across education levels

Does "rough" mean "less educated"?

Probably hard to untangle the effects of lack of education from those of socio-economic background and age. (Fall pregnant at 16 = more likely to have an abortion + more likely to have a lower level of education.)

I'd say that was absolute rubbish. I agree that if people have had an abortion in the past they may prefer not to tell anyone. It was a horrible thing to say anyway.

Oh dear, she sounds quite sheltered and naive

Also, what constitutes as a "rough person"? A poor woman? A woman who lives in a certain type of housing or wears a certain brand of clothes? A woman who smokes or drinks? A woman from a broken home, like Marilyn Monroe who yes, also had an abortion? A woman with tattoos? A woman who wears pjs to pick up the kids 😂😫😴

I don't get it. It's a silly sweeping statement.

Are Vanessa Williams, Joan Collins, Ava Gardner and Minka Kelly trashy?

I imagine you possibly feel guilt for not defending yourself?

If she brings it up again consider saying something like:
"I disagree." Or if that feels too direct atm "I kinda don't think that's the way it works" insert laugh. Keep convo moving. Etc.
Or "Are you not pro choice?"
In that way she knows she's speaking to someone who doesn't share the same view and you kind of stick up for yourself at the same time.

You could even be like "I've had one, I guess that makes me rough! Ha ha....ha" she wouldn't know what to do with herself.

Like many others have said women of different races, incomes, ages and backgrounds terminate pregnancies for different reasons and have different abortion experiences. There is no "type".

She's an idiot, and you will know lots of very nice people who've had abortions, they just didn't tell you.

Only rough people would say rubbish like that.

Don't let her get to you.

Deep down you know what she said is just not true. Your friend is ill informed and judgemental. Please don't let her misconceptions upset you.

Stupid remark.

Do NOT let it get to you.

There is so much patriarchy and misogyny in society that even women who basically mean well will come out with bullshit like this. I'm not totally absolving her for her comment, of course not, but it's all part of the narrative to control women.

RuffleCrow www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4950447/

According to some reports, one in three women have had an abortion. So yes you do know plenty of women who have been through this. As for them all being rough, your ‘friend’s s blissfully ignorant. Ignore her.

FWIW, I’m a very middle class, Middle English, white and had an abortion. It’s not all silly kids, sex workers and slappers.

Off point, it would be interesting to know who some of the ‘shocking’ recipricants are.

What a dreadful thing to say.

That would change how I think of her.

People don't generally speak about abortions.

I have several friends that had them.
Best decision for them as they were young, beginning their careers and it would have been a disaster for them 30 years ago.

They certainly weren't "rough".
They were just young women who didn't want a brief fling to define the rest of their lives.
Absolutely the correct decision for them.

Do NOT take her views on board.
They say more about her, than anyone else.

She is displaying black-and-white thinking which is disappointingly prevalent amongst us hooooman beans. Also, she's disclosing Highly Sensitive information about Someone Else's private life so I would be Very Weary with what you share with her if you don't want it to get out!!!

shes ignorant-its more likely poor people dont have an abortion but anyway its still rude and judgy

She's a bitch and I'd have said so.

Nasty thing to say, ignore the silly bitch

There's only one generalisation that can be made about people who have abortions - it's that they're all women.

I'd be very careful about sharing any personal information from this 'friend'.

What a nob.

like someone from some shit upbringing or something

Your idiot friends comment appears to have struck a chord because on some level you appear to agree with her. What exactly do you mean by ‘shit upbringing’? Are only people who have had unhappy upbringings allowed to or stupid enough to have abortion?

Wow, note that one down!

She's REALLY not someone you want as a close friend. That's not a nice or intelligent opinion, to put it mildly!

She just sounds very bitter or thick (or both). I'd like to introduce her to my friend who had a late-term abortion because her first baby just wouldn't survive. She has tried for years to have a baby. (my friend now had two amazing children).

Let her tell her that little gem and see how that goes for her.

I get you op.

I had an abortion years ago, in a truly dreadful situation when I was very young, I was coerced into it by my mother and the dr. The abortion is a total secret in my family.

A couple of years ago my sister posted on fb about how disgusting women are who have abortions etc.

It broke my heart and made me so angry. Part of it is knowing that someone who is supposed to love me, would be so disgusted with me for something that I had little choice in, something that was so hard for me and that stigmatized me. Another part is that my sister is a hcp so I know she would say things like you do to vulnerable people and they'd believe her and feel ashamed as well. And with all that, I also hated myself for just unfollowing her on fb instead of commenting something like "you should go and ask your mother if she agrees with you". I didnt say a word because I know I never win in these situations, I'd end up feeling worse.

Your friend was probably doing what people like to do with gossip/judgement, they're sort of testing you with it, to see if you're like them. That's what my sister did with her post. I regret that I didnt instantly stand up and say "I'm not like you".

It's hard.

Your 'friend' is a div.
All classes of women have abortions. I am middle-class, and have had an abortion.