If you’ve gone no contact with certain family members what was the final straw

[Lardlizard]

That made you come to that decision

A couple of other incidents that made me question my parents were when a neighbours dog tried to bite my daughter in the face and they blamed her and me rather than the dog. Then got angry at me for saying I didn’t like the dog.
It was in their house, they were looking after the neighbours dog, it was the mother of my parents cocker spaniel. She was very yappy and highly strung and annoying.
Whereas my daughter got on very well will her son, my parents dog.
We tried to keep her in the hallway while we had Sunday dinner, but she barked loudly and scratched the door to the point that my parents let her in.
My daughter who was around four at the time slipped under the table and the dog bit her in the face.
It didn’t break her skin but I was horrified.
Cue my parents saying I shouldn’t have let my daughter near the dog, it was my fault and I should keep her under control!
I was furious and left.
Ffs they cared more about the dog.

Another time my daughter fell over on the way back from school. It was snowing and she couldn’t see a pothole on the rd under the snow.
He face was quite badly cut up around her mouth and I walked to my parents near by as they had a car and I didn’t.
Cue them saying everything was fine, no need to take her to A&E as this kind of thing happens all the time with small children ( she was about 4).
I wanted to go to A&E but they pressured me into not going.
I went to the doctors the next day and the doctor was annoyed that I didn’t take her to A&E straight away the day before and gave me a funny look like I was a negligent parent.
Luckily two teachers from her school saw her fall over and helped us because otherwise god knows what the teachers would have thought about her injuries.
Just another example of them not giving a shit.

Wow so many sad stories but you know what, massive well done for finally deciding enough is enough
Wishing you all so much good for the future
One thing sticks out
We all feel happier now
Funny that eh !

Here’s to you all

I was reduced to tears on the phone again as an adult.

I've always thought my dad had a "Let's see how I can make Rebel cry today" game. Like a challenge he set himself every day over breakfast.

I was always sought my dad's approval. Tried to be a good daughter. I'm not a soft arse by any means but my dad was just so damned nasty to me. It's hard to describe but one example is when CDs first came out. I was a young teen. Dad had told me to load something onto the PC then went out to fix the car. Well, I couldn't get the disk out of the case for fear or breaking it so took it to dad. He screamed at me. Ranting and raving about me being fucking useless and couldn't I see his hands were fucking filthy and of course he couldn't do it?!

Over a CD. He could have simply said, "Just push that in the middle and it'll pop out, love"

So as an adult living in another country I would phone him (it was expected) every week or so to keep in touch and almost every phone call would have him having a pop at me for something. I'd end up with a lump in my chest and tears in my eyes, I'd apologise and breezily say, "Well, I best let you get on eh? I'll speak to you soon!" Then I'd put the phone down and go wipe the tears from my face, leaving me feeling like shit for the rest of the day.

Every fucking time without fail.

It took years for me to realise I was holding the phone to my ear. I was doing it to myself. So, I just put the phone down. It was that simple. He was unable to be horrible to me. I simply quit facilitating the abuse. I didn't phone him anymore and as usual he never phoned me.

DSis told me he wanted to know why I wasn't phoning and to pass the message on for me to ring him. My phone had a bell too, but even if he did (ha!) I wouldn't have answered. I told her I was done with him being nasty to me and DSis told him that straight. She's seen it all my life. He was nice to her, cruel to me.

It took years before I spoke to him again. By then he had learned his lesson. We've been back in contact years now and he knows I now know I don't need to take it. Going NC showed him I was quite willing to let him lose his youngest daughter and his first grandchildren if he ever decides he wants to be cruel and nasty to me again.

What I wanna know is if you’ve gone NC. Do you still attend family events when that person will be there ?

@RebelWhoWashesFor19Seconds your dad sounds so similar to mine. I used to be terrified of losing or breaking something in the house because of the abuse I'd get. The way he overreacted to everything meant I constantly walked on eggshells for fear of setting him off.

Well done for cutting him off and standing up for yourself.

pancakeloverr your comment about your place in the family really struck a chord with me.
Having been raised in what I now recognise was a disfunctional family. Parents were functioning alcoholics. We were physically and mentally abused. We were expected to behave to high moralistic standards.

There were 4 DCs. Oldest the sorter outer, 2nd lazy, spoiled (true in this case), my place was the bossy, grumpy one and I’m still introduced as this today by oldest Dsis, 4th helpless quiet one.

Discussing with my Dsis today about DM more than likely being a Narcissist. We looked after her since we were no age until she died and the sad thing is we both agreed if we had to do it again we would out of misplaced loyalty.

I’m glad that you and the other posters have been courageous to say no more.
I hope you all find peace.

Brother. Lots of bad behaviour building up to it (I was scared of him) but the straw that broke the camel's back was when he screamed at me in front of my children. It really upset my parents but that was it, no more contact

My sister not even listening to my side of a very hurtful conversation between me and the woman who brought me up, my then fiancé stuck up for me I’ve not seen or heard from the family since and never will again, I even refused my dad asking for us to get back together I replied no, it’s not going to happen. No regrets.

@Changedname78 no I didnt. Caused a lot of friction for a year or two - lots of emotional blackmail from parents - but then his behaviour got so extreme (drugs/mh) that I had to help them take out a restraining order against him and get him evicted from their house.

He's actually doing slightly better now (forced to seek help for his issues) and is supported by my dh wrt accessing housing, benefits and healthcare. So if not exactly a happy ending things are better than they have ever been in years. But my family was/is massively disfunctional.

I'm LC with my sister. One day, a week or so after I had left the marital home after the relationship collapsed, she was going to come round to visit me. I had been crying on and off all day - it was a raw, dreadful time - and was aware I wasn't going to be fun to be around, so I just let her know that I was down and may cry during her visit.

She sacked me off, "oh ok well I don't really 'do' feelings so maybe another day". Text me a week or two later, careful not to ask how I was, breezy as you like.

There were many other little cruelties like that during my divorce, but that one really stuck with me. I didn't go LC immediately based on that, but in time, that became the pivotal moment. It became very clear to me that as much as I loved her, she really just did not want to hear a word from me that wasn't directly about her, or pure small talk.

Sad to be LC, but better than being slowly drained of energy by someone who operates only as a user and a taker.