Gender disappointment

[marshmellowdreams]

Please not hate! Just wondered if anyone else has experienced gender disappointment when finding out the sex of their baby?

no*

Sigh. Let me guess - you wanted a girl and you got a boy? It's always that way round on here

Do you mean sex?

And as someone whose egg collection (privately paid for before someone starts a non nhs ivf rant) was cancelled due to covid19 and my premature ovarian failure will likely have worsened meaning egg collection wont be an option by the time I can come out of shileding i would say maybe spend some time on the IVF boards. Look at number of people dying at the moment. And consider why the hell what a baby has between its legs is so important.

Girls can play football. Boys can be dancers. None of that shit matters.

I don't mean this to be offensive but if it is how you feel then you need to get a grip of yourself and realise what you've got.

Yeah a couple of times. Convinced I was having a girl with my first and turned out to be a boy. Took me a good couple of months to accept it. Had my second boy then my third I wanted a boy but turned out to be a girl! Once you get your head around it as long as the little one is healthy you won't care what you have.

This is a wind up, ignore

Yes with the second one at the ultrasound. But I got over it super quick. Hate seeing when people have disappointment so extreme they refuse to bond with the baby, can't understand that myself.

On behalf of the many thousands of women who would desperately love to be a Mum , I suggest you get a fucking grip . If you really are so very disappointed at finding out the sex of your baby isn’t the one you would have chosen , maybe you should have thought through that possibility before becoming pregnant .
Just pray your baby is healthy , not be upset it’s not a boy/girl

Well I'm glad these replys are a bit more sensible than recent threads about this. An awful lot of "gender disappointment is real" and "you don't know until you have experienced it" blah blah blah.

Yeah my fil. But he was a twat about it and made me and sil cry.

I was lucky enough so get what I wanted but I definitely had a preference.
Quite frankly, all the women with infertility problems dismissing your disappointment could also be told to stop whinging and appreciate that they’re living in a developed country and have plenty to eat. But we don’t say that because we acknowledge that their feelings are real and valid.
As lovely as it would be to live in a genderless society the reality is different. If you have a little boy or girl they are more likely to have certain characteristics and interests because they are shaped by the society around them.

Quite frankly, all the women with infertility problems dismissing your disappointment could also be told to stop whinging and appreciate that they’re living in a developed country and have plenty to eat. But we don’t say that because we acknowledge that their feelings are real and valid.

ABSOLUTELY!!!! In every situation there will ALWAYS be someone worse off than what we struggle with but it doesn't help to dismiss others struggles even if they don't align with your own... Seems a bit childish to do so IMO.

So people aren’t allowed to moan about anything because others have it worse? I’m sure you’ve all moaned about things that are actually huge first world problems and you should be grateful, it’s okay to be disappointed if you had your heart set on something just obviously accept and learn to love baby no matter it’s gender which I’m sure you will

So people aren’t allowed to moan about anything because others have it worse?

Not at all it seems you misread, or didn't bother reading at all, the last few posts. People can complain about whatever they want. If you read further up a poster said:

On behalf of the many thousands of women who would desperately love to be a Mum , I suggest you get a fucking grip.

And further down someone said:

Quite frankly, all the women with infertility problems dismissing your disappointment could also be told to stop whinging and appreciate that they’re living in a developed country and have plenty to eat

Point was people are free to complain, moan, be disappointed, etc whenever they want and others can suck it up because if we want to nit pick up then there is always someone worse off but it doesn't help to dismiss others concerns.

Helps to read and comprehend the message trail for context before jumping to conclusions :)

I find it really sad that so many people are disappointed by the sex of their child (when they have a boy) . I find it a very childish thing to be whinging about really.

It really bothers me when infertile women are used as a stick to beat people with, it makes me really uncomfortable.

OP YANBU. Allow yourself time to come to terms with the change to what you imagined.

Thank you to all of those who actually understand!

Obviously i’m thankful I don’t have fertility issues and that my baby is healthy - no one asks for an unhealthy baby! But this will likely be my only child because of my own health issues and I was told early what the gender was and I allowed myself to get excited to early only to be told later that the gender is the opposite. I feel heartbroken like I’ve lost the child I thought I had :( I don’t want to feel like this I want to feel excited again but I can’t help that I feel this way and just wanted to hear from others who have felt the same not be shamed because of my feelings!

@marshmellowdreams hi, I just wondered if you had any update for us ? I am in a similar situation to you x

I know exactly how you feel. I wanted a dog but got a cat.

@Antipodeancousin

I was lucky enough so get what I wanted but I definitely had a preference. Quite frankly, all the women with infertility problems dismissing your disappointment could also be told to stop whinging and appreciate that they’re living in a developed country and have plenty to eat. But we don’t say that because we acknowledge that their feelings are real and valid. As lovely as it would be to live in a genderless society the reality is different. If you have a little boy or girl they are more likely to have certain characteristics and interests because they are shaped by the society around them.

Yes, this.

I fully understand the sentiment but let's face it, a lot of these same women with fertility problems would be the same as the OP if they didn't have said fertility issues. Not having anything gives a greater appreciation of that thing - it's human nature.

Boys and girls are different so of course it's common for people to have gender preferences. As long as they love their child the same regardless of their gender, I don't see what the issue is.

Also these characteristics are shaped by biology as well as well as the society around them.

@KirstenBlest

I know exactly how you feel. I wanted a dog but got a cat.

Exactly....that made me laugh out loud 🤣 Really wanted a curry last night but ended up with a cheese sandwich

Don't get me wrong, I love DCat with all my heart, but he's not a dog.

Mumsnet is full of shallow people.

To be fair to the sane ones on here though - it's fine to have a preference.

If you already have 2 girls, what's wrong with wanting a boy?

But if you treat the child any less or love it any less because it's the 'wrong' sex, then you are unfit to be a parent and you should be ashamed of yourself.

It's something you should immediately get over. If you can't or don't think you can - you shouldn't even consider being a parent.

@crestar I don’t think any one has mentioned on this post not being able to get over it ? They have mentioned gender disappointment. Doesn’t mean to say they are going to be an unfit or unloving mother.