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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I, shouldn't I?

22 replies

Rocklover · 15/09/2007 19:10

Ok, I'll try to keep it brief, but here goes. I broke up with my ex a few months ago and have recently met a really nice guy. We have been out twice, the second date being 9 hours long lol (no, we didn't do that....we spent the day together, going to pubs, having a few meals and going to the cinema). Anyway, I mentioned that my DD was with her Daddy next weekend and he suggested we go away somewhere, do nice stuff like go to posh restaurants etc. Now I didn't hesitate in saying yes cos A) I like this guy alot and B) I could really do with going away.

Here is the but, we are both very attracted to each other (obv lol) and I can imagine we are both thinking the same thing about the opportunity that will more than likely present itself. There are two questions..1) Am i mad considering going away with him after only 2 dates? And 2) If I sleep with him (YES I would love to actually) will he think I am a complete slapper (although he does know I have only slept with 2 people, so I can't be a huge slut) and never want to date me again?

Thought I better add I am totally pants at dating cos my hubby was my only proper relationship really before my ex and this guy, so I really haven't got a clue about ettiquette. HELP!

OP posts:

Tortington · 15/09/2007 19:14

no your not mad - enjoy yourself.

slappers can be picked up 2 a penny at any nightclub - its looks like hes bothered about trying to make an impression - he wouldnt do that for a slapper xxxxx

newlifenewname · 15/09/2007 19:16

I really ought not comment on this having just been a 2 date wonder. I regret sleeping with him after 2 dates but as someone said to me, if a bloke sees you as shag potential only, WHEN you sleep with them makes no difference.

yama · 15/09/2007 19:17

Sounds like it will be really romantic. Go for it. If you want to sleep with him then I can't see any reason not to.

Why deny yourself just in case he judges you for something he'll be doing himself? (Hope that made sense)

Original poster

Rocklover · 15/09/2007 19:18

Hmmmm, never thought of it that way. God and the last date he paid for everything (he knows I am between jobs), but I felt really guilty. I am soooo rubbish at dating (and I'm 33 FGS), I need lessons.

OP posts:

Dior · 15/09/2007 19:18

Message withdrawn

Earlybird · 15/09/2007 19:18

How often does your ex have your dd? If it feels too soon, maybe go away the next time your dd is away?

yama · 15/09/2007 19:19

Maybe he likes you more because you don't play games.

Original poster

Rocklover · 15/09/2007 19:21

Lol, is hard for me as I ma back with parents after being left high and dry by hubby (we are divorcing now). So my Mum was obv arching her eybrows and tutting loudly and wondering about the slutty sexlives of the young these days lol.

Nlnn, are you still with the guy?

OP posts:

lou33 · 15/09/2007 19:23

i went away overnight for my second date and we ended up together for 9months

dont think it matters when you shag tbh as long as you feel it's right

Original poster

Rocklover · 15/09/2007 19:26

Well Yama, I hope so. He's a good mix of very sweet and a little naughty too. We went to the cinema and when the adverts were on he was kissing my face off (in a nice way lol), felt 15 again, was good. But then he kept stroking my cheek, kissing the top of my head etc and he held my hand practically the whole day. He makes me go all goosebumpy. I hope these are good signs...my pervious ex wasn't like this.

Right I'll shut up now.

OP posts:

yama · 15/09/2007 19:26

Rocklover, don't let anyone be judgemental.

Where were you thinking of going anyway?

Carmenere · 15/09/2007 19:31

Go and sleep with him if you want but don't be imagining that he is mr Right yet. It takes a hell of a lot more than a weekend away to be able to read a virtual stranger and as NLNN can testify it may not lead to anything else. But as long as you know this you are on to a winner. ie: go, enjoy but don't read it as a sign that he wants commitment.

lou33 · 15/09/2007 19:31

yes, treat it as mr right now instead of mr right, maybe

newlifenewname · 15/09/2007 19:52

Dior, he did get in touch but not to ask me out again.

OP, do whatever you feel, but I can indeed testify that Mr wonderful who picks you up and drops you home,pays for everything, takes you on fab dates and talks about future dates he is planning with you whilst simultaneously kissing, stroking and gazing fondly, can indeed turn out to be after one thing only.

I harp on about transactional analysis all the time but I do believe that we can only be ourselves and that we will only ever be a shag to some men - even men who go on to marry their next date! - just as we will always be more than that with others.

If you click, you click and all will be well. So long as you don't have wild expectations you'll be fine even if it all ends tomorrow.

Take it easy, and have fun.

Original poster

Rocklover · 15/09/2007 20:01

Well, I am not looking for a Mr Right, my previous ex scared the shit out of me by being too serious (and very messed up), so I am happy to just have some fun.

But at the same time don't want to feel bad, so maybe I will just have to be strong!

OP posts:

lilacclaire · 15/09/2007 20:06

Oh for goodness sake, just go and have some fun, don't read too much into it and just enjoy it for what it is.

PinkChick · 15/09/2007 20:10

sounds like it would be the icing on the cake, a lovely day together, not justa quick fumble, he sounds keen..god i sound like my mum!

Dior · 15/09/2007 22:11

Message withdrawn

yama · 15/09/2007 22:19

I sense from your posts that you want to go - so go. Btw, what is his story?

moondog · 15/09/2007 22:21

Oh I'd go.
Like a bloody shot.
You only live once,he sounds nice and you sound as if you could do with some fun.

nappynuttynormabutty · 15/09/2007 22:25

Go, have fun. If he's meant to be it won't matter whether you shag him on the 2nd date or the 22nd.

Original poster

Rocklover · 16/09/2007 15:46

What's his story? Well, I am not sure just yet, but he seems very laid back and uncomplicated, but his job is quite busy so I am not sure how much of a relationship it could be. We met through Match, so he obv wants to date lol. But we shall see, last boyfriend made me fairly cynical about men's motives and also their reliability.

At this point in time I am not expecting anything, in fact more expecting him to backtrack saying he can't make it (oooh I am such a sunny person, me). Not counting my chickens yet. Nice of him to suggest it though I suppose.

OP posts:

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