The Ick :(

[workofheart]

How do you cope if you get The Ick very badly during lockdown (TBH I had it before and we've had some ups and downs but this period has only magnified it and brought it fully to my attention every second of the day)? I am so irritated by every little thing he does - being in the same room as me, trying to touch me, wanting to go on every single bloody walk with me (I just need some space aaaaagh), wanting to go to the shop with me, hinting we aren't having enough (ok, any) sex: "shall we make some time for some sex at the weekend", ugh, I can't cope anymore.

And how do you end it with someone who thinks things are all fine, is making plans for the future about all the days out we can have, holidays, house renovations, children...and has no idea what is going on in my head (and why should he either, it's not his fault)? All can do is daydream about running away. I am having to pretend my irritation is down to work stress, when work is actually a welcome escape right now.

I think I am also worried that as I have just turned 40, have no children, but would like children, I am running out of time so maybe I should just settle and try to overcome this issue somehow? We've only been together about 14 months, but the thought of a lifetime with him made me shudder :( he will be so gutted when I tell him and he won't see it coming. I don't know what to do :(

You can change households if you have family you could go and stay with?

I think you need to tell him you're unhappy and start sleeping in another room or on the sofa.

"this dude must be an idiot not to realise you’re finished with him."

Isn't that a bit unfair to him? She's not being honest, and at the same time he has feelings for her.

To be honest we've had lots of problems which I've posted about here under a different name. Him being very insecure and needy, being jealous of me having male friends (not that I ever see them any more as it's too much hassle to put up with his sulking afterwards), wanting to do everything together/go everywhere with me... We turned a corner for a while so I think he thought all was ok, but I can't get past all these things. I keep rewinding to our first date when I knew I wasn't sure, and wasn't convinced there was any spark, but liked him enough and he ticked the boxes. Why didn't I just say thanks but no thanks. Now I feel stuck and mourning my 30s. Maybe I should just stick with it and try to see all the positives instead of the negatives.

He sounds pretty controlling. Using emotional blackmail rather than force.

Do you have any family or friends?

Nooo, don't stick with him after everything you've described! It's obviously not a good fit. Can you rent a studio flat somewhere? You can move to somewhere vacant at the moment can't you or have I got that wrong?

You already know all the answers, OP.
Right now, you might have nowhere better to go so you’re using him to a certain extent.
He thinks you’re his forever girl, but you’re mugging him off.

I should have left before but he was so manipulative that he convinced me to stay. I should have listened to my gut.

It really depends on how much you want children. Realistically it's now or never. You might not be able to date for a long time due to this pandemic.
On the other hand, the ick is unlikely to go away and bringing children into a relationship that will inevitably end is not great. To be honest I would end it.

OP, start looking at your options to leave. england.shelter.org.uk/ Shelter should be able to advise you if you're stuck for money etc.

Don't stay with someone who makes your skin crawl.

You need to run for the hills, he is controlling and it will get increasingly worse if you have DC with him.

Trapped, barefoot and pregnant...

I'm ok for money - I work full time still and work remotely so can work from anywhere thankfully!

Right then, get yourself moved out.

I bet your previous threads told you he was being controlling etc, yes?

Category12 you seem obsessed with the idea of him being controlling. He doesn't sound overly controlling. The OP could be called all manner of things as she is basically stringing him along as it is convenient for her but instead you decide HE is the problem. OP it's just a bad fit. Tell him. Move on.

To be honest we've had lots of problems which I've posted about here under a different name. Him being very insecure and needy, being jealous of me having male friends (not that I ever see them any more as it's too much hassle to put up with his sulking afterwards), wanting to do everything together/go everywhere with me...

She's given up male friends, she can't go anywhere alone - what would you call it?

I can't even go upstairs to read my book or phone my mum without him rolling his eyes that I'm not staying downstairs sitting on the sofa with him. Even if I sit in the armchair across from him he says "how come you're sitting over there?". I feel like I can't breathe.

Seriously the ick never goes away. Try as hard as you can - but it’s still there. Even when over compensate because they are sooo nice and lovely.

At the end of the day you don’t fancy them.

I have the ick after reading this. Yuk. get rid ASAP.

Lol yeh op he's even giving us the ick now.

Imagine how stuck youd feel if you had a kid with him. You'd be too knackered to run. And the kid would become a tool he could use to manipulate you into staying home all the time too.

Get yourself out asap.

Staying with a loon is not worth it for kids anyway. Freedom from control is more important.

I just want to cry but don't have energy too as I'm so exhausted from working 12 hour days and being stuck here.

Is there really nowhere else you can go?
If not, does he have a spare room n you can say you feel I'll and want to sleep in there till you are better. Or even flat out say 'I need space'. He dpesnt need to know you are splitting right now, but you dont need to keep putting up with this until you can go.

There is a very small spare room/office but no bed.

Sofa? Or just pillows n cushions. I mean it is his house so asking him to move in there would be rude but you should. No way would I be sharing a bed with him anymore that's for sure. What if he tries it on!?

*you should move in there.

Considering how clingy he is I'd be locking/blocking the door at night too. Incase he tried to come in.

Not a longterm solution but hopefully would do until u can get out.

He thinks everything is fine, or at least just thinks I'm tired. I can't just block the door so he can't come in

Ooh-you could say you are self isolating as you think someone at work had covid! That'll buy you a week or two.

Provided he doesnt try to use it to manipulate you into staying if you find you can leave before then.