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Original poster

Pregnant and stuck with man I don’t love

58 replies

kittenrug · 22/04/2020 16:26

I’ve only been with him for 8 months (he’s 34 I’m 29), I found out I was pregnant 3 months ago after a contraception failure.

I was in a vulnerable place when we met, I knew I never loved him but had I been in a better place mentally and emotionally I wouldn’t have continued the relationship. He has zero personality and I’m sick of the same surface level conversations daily, we have nothing in common, we have no connection, never laugh, he’s boring, he hardly talks unless spoken to, the sex is terrible and I’ve never been sexually attracted to him and especially not now being pregnant. I think I felt safe with him after being hurt from a previous relationship. He is financially set for life and very generous I would have a great secure life with him for me and the baby but I can’t be with someone I don’t love for the sake of money and security. I keep thinking to myself how did my life end up like this?! What happened to myself! I don’t even feel like me anymore I feel like my soul is dying and now I’m about to bring a baby into this... What do I do?

OP posts:
Knowhowufeel2 · 22/04/2020 16:31

If you felt like this why on earth did you decide to keep the baby?
Having a baby ties you together for the rest of the child's life, shopp I really think your should've thought this through more.
As for what you do now, I've no idea I'm afraid, but he deserves to be with someone who likes and loves him.

Knowhowufeel2 · 22/04/2020 16:31

*so

MrsWooster · 22/04/2020 16:40

What does he want? Could you have an amicable Co-parent arrangement?

sneeuw · 22/04/2020 16:41

Tell him you don't love him, you will move out when you can (are you living with him) and you'll not deny him access to his child (assuming you won't).

You don't have to stay with him because you're pregnant. And on the upside, your child will know it's loved by two parents who love in separate homes from before it can remember. It won't go through the upheaval of divorce.

Start planning for your future. You still have a long one ahead of you.

sneeuw · 22/04/2020 16:42

*live in separate homes (but love in separate homes too!)

PippaPegg · 22/04/2020 16:42

You're not stuck. You are choosing to believe you are. What do you want to achieve by posting here?

You are only a victim if you think you are.

Original poster
kittenrug · 22/04/2020 16:46

I didn’t find out I was pregnant until 9 weeks, I had an abortion booked but I was 12 weeks by then and just couldn’t go ahead with it once I had seen a fully formed baby on the screen. He was against me having an abortion and said he would support me and the baby no matter what.

I thought my feelings for him would change in time but they haven’t. Emotionally he is very needy and had been single basically most of his life before we met because I think his neediness is very off putting it’s like a black hole I’m not able to fill it’s very draining.

OP posts:
CreamWhitecakes · 22/04/2020 16:52

I find this really immature. You're unhappy and made a bad decision staying with him but don't put him down or hate him for your mistake.
From reading your posts you're clearly angry about the situation.
He's probably feeling the exact same way. Sit down and tell him and you can then sort out the practical side of things.

I really don't have sympathy if you're going to be so unnecessarily harsh about the father of your child.

Original poster
kittenrug · 22/04/2020 16:54

I would be happy to coparent with him would never deny him access of our child. I guess I’m feeling more stuck because he moved into my place when I found out and with the lockdown it’s overwhelming being around him 24\7 and there is nothing I can do about it right now. He wants to buy somewhere bigger local for us to live and sell my apartment or rent it out but obviously I can’t do that.

@PippaPeg Yes you are 100% right thank you I needed that ;)

OP posts:
GrimmsFairytales · 22/04/2020 16:57

You don't even sound as though you like him, and I suspect if you show even half the dislike you have on here then he already has some idea about how you feel.

You're not stuck with him, but you do have to accept that having a child together will mean he is going to always be in your life.

Original poster
kittenrug · 22/04/2020 16:58

He is a good person I know that, but I can’t help the fact I just don’t love him.

OP posts:
CayrolBaaaskin · 22/04/2020 16:58

You’re not stuck- you can leave him and seek happiness elsewhere. Don’t settle.

CreamWhitecakes · 22/04/2020 17:16

Ah this is really irritating! From your posts it's obvious that you'd prefer to blame him than take responsibility.
You both got pregnant, you both chose to bring a child into the world ,you probably don't love each other (which is the least of your problems)
Just grow up and tell him. By the sounds of it he'll be relieved.
Work out a plan of action and how you will co parent.
Once the lock down is lifted he can move out and if you keep it kind and civil then it will be fine. If you blame him and are cruel to him (sounds like this will happen) then You will have the potential to mess up co parenting
Don't be selfish

pooopypants · 22/04/2020 17:16

How exactly are you 'stuck'?? You can ask him to move out (when appropriate, obviously) and having a baby with someone doesn't fuse you at the hip - it's called co-parenting

The fact is that an abortion is only ever the woman's choice. That in itself is a double edged sword though. Had you gone ahead, you wouldn't be in this situation. You didn't, as is your choice, but that leaves you here. Make a decision OP, I would say that the ball is in your court.

Original poster
kittenrug · 22/04/2020 18:04

@CreamWhitecakes Where have I blamed him for anything? I’ve never even said a bad word to him or about him to anyone that I know only posted on here how I feel. So no I’m not the type to be cruel.

I can’t breakup with him now because of the lockdown. He put his house up for rent so he would have no where to go if I said anything now.

OP posts:
BrooHaHa · 22/04/2020 18:08

You can live separately in the same house. I know someone who split with her fiance and then spent four months living with him until the tenency agreement finished. They alternated who got the sofa each night.

Pinkblueberry · 22/04/2020 18:15

This relationship obviously doesn’t have a future if you feel like this. Better to just break up now and co-parent from the start of DCs life - being the child of two parents that don’t like each other is not a nice way to grow up.

CodenameVillanelle · 22/04/2020 18:17

Where did he live before lockdown? Ask him to move back there

OoooImBlindedByTheLight · 22/04/2020 18:18

@kittenrug I was exactly where you are now 5 years ago. Biggest mistake of my life.
My ex is a nice guy too and our son is incredible but coparenting when you’re not with your child’s dad is shit.
I know relationships can break down so there’s no guarantee you wouldn’t end up separated and coparenting with someone else but I really really wish I’d had a child with someone I loved.
I would never choose this again.

Also, you’re so young. Please don’t have a child knowing you’ll be going it alone. You will love your child, but I’ll be honest and say it’ll affect your whole life going forward and impact on every relationship you ever have.

Being a single parent is hard. You will limit your life so much by having a child in these circumstances. Please please consider all your options here, I speak from experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my son very much but I’ll be honest and say if I could go back in time and make different life choices I would.

You deserve to have a child with someone you love and children deserve up at least have a fighting chance of their parents being together and being brought up in a secure family unit.

Your “nice guy” may not be so nice or easy to coparent with. He will be there for the rest of your life if you have this baby.

Think long and hard about this.

CreamWhitecakes · 22/04/2020 18:32

Well The way you've spoken about him shows you have zero respect for him and you have spoke badly about him
Your attitude towards him is awful. You're angry you made a mistake and taking it out of this guy.

Original poster
kittenrug · 22/04/2020 18:40

@CreamWhitecakes All you know is a few paragraphs that I’m writing on here 🙄 I have never spoken to him with disrespect and I’m not angry at him at all I’m angry at myself for getting myself in this situation. He is what he is yes I’ve said how I truly feel on here which doesn’t sound very nice but it’s the truth! There is no depth or enjoyment to the relationship at all and just because I feel like that doesn’t make me a bad person.

OP posts:
CreamWhitecakes · 22/04/2020 18:42

So what is your point in posting? Confused
You've been given the advice. Own up and be responsible and tell him the 'relationship' is over.

peppermintcapsules · 22/04/2020 18:42

Why do people insist on bringing children into shitshows like this Sad?

Healthyandhappy · 22/04/2020 18:46

Answer this question if he was with a woman slimmer younger etc how would you feel when he takes her on foreign holidays and they have a massive house whilst u struggle as a single parent. If you would hate it its hormones if u dont care then just move out unless u can afford mortgage and Bill's by yourself.

BackseatCookers · 22/04/2020 18:51

You aren't stuck at all.

If you're sure about your decision to continue with the pregnancy then have a conversation with him tactfully explaining you don't want to remain a couple but know he will be a wonderful loving father and you want to coparent healthily.

Discuss how to make that happen.

You really aren't stuck, you just need to be honest about what you want and how you feel so you don't have to agonise about what to do any longer.