Wills and step children....

[StarbucksQueen]

So.. My mum has a very good friend (Doris) who was widowed approx 5yrs ago. They were married for over 30yrs.She is in her 70s, no children of her own, but 2 step children who are both in their 40s..Had a good relationship with both.
She agreed with her late husband that both children would be looked after financially on her death. There is a house and some money in the bank....
One child lives 200 miles away, is in phone contact weekly and visits once a month to help with stuff around the house, DIY, decorating etc...
The other emigrated 8yrs ago, but came home to care for her dad before he died. She has 2 grown up children living in the same city as mum's friend.
Shortly after the husband died, mum's friend met a man through a hobby and started spending time with him..
This seemed to have upset the emigrated daughter, and her children in the UK, and they stopped contact with Doris, no calls, visits, Christmas or Birthday cards.. And currently with corona virus, no offers of help with shopping or to check that she's OK.
Initially after her husbands death Doris did a new will, splitting everything between the 2 step children (Doris has no other family, she was an only child..)
Now she feels very bitter towards the emigrated stepchild, and her grown up children, and is torn between upholding her late husbands wishes, and almost 'rewarding' that side of the family for their behaviour, whuch she has found quite upsetting, or doing something else with the money. She says her husband would have been very disappointed about how his wife has been treated since his death..
Doris rings my mum a lot and this conversation keeps cropping up, more so cos of coronavirus, and people taking stock.. My thoughts are very black and white, so would appreciate thoughts from others who maybe have, or are part of 2nd families...

I think since her late husband wanted his assets to be left to his children upon his death she should stick to that, she doesn’t know what he would want if he were still alive so it’s wrong to assume and go against his wishes to “punish” his children for not behaving how she wanted. She’s not their mother, so they didn’t have any obligation to continue a relationship with her after his death imo, although it would have been nice. I think whatever money she received from him after his passing should be passed onto his children as per his wishes, any of her assets can be left to whoever she chooses.

I agree that any of his assets should go to the step children however that may not mean half the estate.
For example if they owned a house together the 50% of the property that was his should be divided between the children ( 25% each) the other 50 % she could do with as she wishes. Be that giving extra to the stepchild she like or donating to a charity it's up to her. And the same with the rest of the assets.

I think that is how things are set out at the moment. They were both teachers, so equal financially I think, rather than him having a higher income..
In my own head I had thought split everything in half, Doris' half, and the husbands half,.. Split the husbands half between the 2 step children, and do whatever she wants with her half,.. At the moment half of her half will go to the stepchild who does maintain a relationship with her...

I would suggest that they receive half the assets of the property as that was their fathers and then she decide what to do with the other half Albeit if she wants to donate it to charity or whatever. She was very much entitled to meet someone else. Il assume they will get inheritance from their own mother.

Did their father make his wishes known to his children before he died? Did he make no provision for them at all, relying on her to do so when she dies?

Using inheritance to punish people is grim, she has no way of knowing what he’d think of the situation now. I don’t think is a step issue so much as a punishing an apparently wayward child issue and I’m a step mum and a step child.

Their mother has been in a long standing relationship, but I don't know the circumstances of that..
I think mums friend thought that as she had had a good positive relationship with the step children while her husband was alive, looked after the children of the stepchildren when they were small, then the relationship with that side of the family would continue... Another of Doris' friends had mentioned that perhaps the step child and her family may have thought there would have been some financial gift at the time of his death, and because there wasn't, then this could be the reason for the change in the relationship... But as texts and calls aren't returned she's not quite sure why things have turned out this way.

Where does Doris live? I ask because in Scotland her step-children have 40 years from the date their father died to claim their legal rights (1/2 net moveable estate so doesnt include house but cash assets, shares, etc he had at his death). They could still claim whether she did a new will disinheriting them.

I can understand the upset tbh. Personally, fall out or not, she made a promise to her late husband that his kids would get a share in his estate.

She's in the Midlands.
She says that they had mirror wills, and that the emigrated child was an executor of her dad's will, so would have known the contents of that.
My mum thinks she will uphold what was verbally agreed between them, but that Doris will choose to do something different with her half of their estate... But as I've said to my mum, in the event of Doris needing long term care in the future, it may not even be an issue...

I think that Doris should uphold her late husband's wishes, despite the current situation.

I think she should treat the emigrated stepchild the same as the others. Her husband trusted her to be fair - was he wrong?

I think she just thought that perhaps someone from that part of the family would have called to see how she was, or to see if she needed anything, especially during lock down, and feels disappointed that they haven't..
But then I also think, like someone above mentioned, that perhaps some provision should have been made in her husbands will for his children.

I think the late husband did his will expecting his children to not leave the step mother alone. Just as they changed their behaviour she has every right to change hers.

I think punishment is the right course of action. But I wouldn't view it as a punishment. I think it's gross to take money off someone who you didn't want anything to do with. Makes sense for 25% to go to emigrated daughter (half of fathers) and 75% (25+her 50%) to the other. The child can then make the decision to split with her sister.

Are the two sisters close? Will it cause them more problems?

I will prob be in the same position one day - one estranged stepchild who wants no part of our money or lives. If he has a child before I die, I'll leave his share to the child. As an alternative, Doris could do the same - leave the emigrated child's share to their kids, who had no part in the decision.

Flamedtoacrisp - her reply to that would be that he trusted his children to look out for his wife after he had died, which they promised to do.. And he was wrong there.
It has certainly made me consider my will, although as a single person with only one child, its not quite so complicated :)

The emigrated child has grown up children in the same city as Doris, they have also cut contact, whereas they were regular visitors before.. They also have children of their own, all under 5, 2 of which Doris has never seen.. But she could leave her husbands share to the little ones, and then it's still being kept in the family I suppose..

I think she should honour her late DHs wishes.

How soon after her husband died did she start seeing her new partner? If we’re talking a matter of weeks then I can see why after 30 years together that wouldn’t have gone down very well with his children.

Split the husbands half between the 2 step children, and do whatever she wants with her half,.. At the moment half of her half will go to the stepchild who does maintain a relationship with her...

Sounds fair to me

Chillikor.. The other step child is male. I knew them both when we were growing up. I've spoken to him when he's been up to see Doris.. The daughter is very much up her own arse, and quite self important. The son went off the rails a bit as a teen, but is now in his late 40s and has been consistent in his contact with my mums friend... He is not close to his sister, and from what's been said he can't believe how his sister and her adult children have behaved

I think it's awful of a parent to rely on a stepparent to fulfil their wish when it could be decades later and any number of things could have changed.

Doris' feelings are completely understandable. I'd split the assets in half, the 'dad's' half split between the two siblings. Then her half just to the one she is in contact with-or however she wants to divide it. She may want to leave a token for her partner, or others who have been significant parts of her life.

@Elsiebear90 surely if she isn't their mother and therefore the children are under no obligation to maintain a relationship with her the same argument could be made the other way. They aren't her children and she is under no obligation to leave anything to them.

I think in her position I'd leave my late husband's half to his children but would also ensure that I spent cash on myself to ensure my retirement was fun and comfortable.

Elsiebear90 - the man was someone she already knew through a hobby, he started doing the garden and having lunch etc.
It never really took off as far as a relationship, but they are still friends.
My own dad died over 10yrs ago. My mum started going to ballroom dances shortly after and met a man there.. In a way I was pleased she'd found someone to share time with.. It never came to anything, and I certainly wouldn't have cut contact with her even if it had.. I might have been a bit wary of him, and been looking out for her, but certainly not stopped looking out for her.

If Doris and her late husband went into the marriage as financial equals, his 50% should be split between his two children. If she wants to leave her 50% to the nice stepchild, or to a charity if she wishes, she should do so. But like you say, her 50% might need to go on care fees.

@iloveacurry I would say care fees come out of the joint pot and what's left is split. I'm sure her husband would have wanted her to be taken care of.

She was married for over 30yrs therefore they assets are joint not just her Late DH. I would still leave the step children something but she shouldn't feel obliged to split it W between them both.