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Original poster

Wills and step children....

66 replies

StarbucksQueen · 21/04/2020 15:00

So.. My mum has a very good friend (Doris) who was widowed approx 5yrs ago. They were married for over 30yrs.She is in her 70s, no children of her own, but 2 step children who are both in their 40s..Had a good relationship with both.
She agreed with her late husband that both children would be looked after financially on her death. There is a house and some money in the bank....
One child lives 200 miles away, is in phone contact weekly and visits once a month to help with stuff around the house, DIY, decorating etc...
The other emigrated 8yrs ago, but came home to care for her dad before he died. She has 2 grown up children living in the same city as mum's friend.
Shortly after the husband died, mum's friend met a man through a hobby and started spending time with him..
This seemed to have upset the emigrated daughter, and her children in the UK, and they stopped contact with Doris, no calls, visits, Christmas or Birthday cards.. And currently with corona virus, no offers of help with shopping or to check that she's OK.
Initially after her husbands death Doris did a new will, splitting everything between the 2 step children (Doris has no other family, she was an only child..)
Now she feels very bitter towards the emigrated stepchild, and her grown up children, and is torn between upholding her late husbands wishes, and almost 'rewarding' that side of the family for their behaviour, whuch she has found quite upsetting, or doing something else with the money. She says her husband would have been very disappointed about how his wife has been treated since his death..
Doris rings my mum a lot and this conversation keeps cropping up, more so cos of coronavirus, and people taking stock.. My thoughts are very black and white, so would appreciate thoughts from others who maybe have, or are part of 2nd families...

OP posts:

Elsiebear90 · 21/04/2020 16:18

@KylieKoKo she’s under obligation to leave them her late husband’s share of the assets because he agreed with her before he passed that she would, as they’re his children cutting them out of their inheritance to punish them is morally wrong and because as his children they can legally contest the will if she doesn’t. Like I said, she can do whatever she wants with her share imo as they’re not her kids.

Original poster

StarbucksQueen · 21/04/2020 16:18

I think that for Doris the crux is that the emigrated child and her children promised her dad that they would look out for Doris (her, through calls, Skype etc, and her children would be in touch or maybe visit as they live locally,) and as this hasn't happened, should she still continue to keep her promise re inheritance...

OP posts:

Original poster

StarbucksQueen · 21/04/2020 16:24

Elsie bear... I'm sure I've read somewhere that if he had wanted to leave money to his children then he should have done that via his own will, and that Doris (or whoever the 2nd wife is) can do whatever she likes with whatever is left to her..
There have been cases in the news where children have been excluded from inheritance by a 2nd wife/husband..

OP posts:

KylieKoKo · 21/04/2020 16:24

But @Elsiebear90 the children broke their end of the agreement. They have a similar obligation to look out for her as agreed with their late father.

Elsiebear90 · 21/04/2020 16:31

@KylieKoKo was there some agreement in place that they both had to look after Doris for the rest of her life or forfeit their inheritance? It doesn’t sound like it, the one child who she is still in contact with looks out for her, so she’s not been left alone with no help. The other child rightly or wrongly has fallen out with her, we don’t know all the details and haven’t heard both side of the story, this is third hand information after all.
IMO that doesn’t give her the right to punish them by going against their father’s wishes and cutting them out of their inheritance. Maybe they feel they were justified in the fall out? Are they supposed to be fake and continue a relationship they don’t want to have so they can get their inheritance?

Dillydallyingthrough · 21/04/2020 16:34

I agree with others, the DHs share is split between both and Doris does whatever she wants with hers (so probably 25%/75%).

Elsiebear90 · 21/04/2020 16:37

@StarbucksQueen when Doris passes away they can legally contest her will if they don’t receive what they expected to, whether they will be successful or not is another matter.

carolebaskinsheadband · 21/04/2020 16:37

I think Doris should give the kids their fathers share of assets. What she does with her half is her choice now.

carolebaskinsheadband · 21/04/2020 16:40

Call me cynical OP but are you hoping Doris decides to leave it to someone else. Say...a friend?

KylieKoKo · 21/04/2020 16:43

@Elsiebear90 not if Doris spends it all on gin and luxury travel while she's alive

MunaZaldrizoti · 21/04/2020 16:45

Elsiebear90

was there some agreement in place that they both had to look after Doris for the rest of her life or forfeit their inheritance? It doesn’t sound like it, the one child who she is still in contact with looks out for her, so she’s not been left alone with no help. The other child rightly or wrongly has fallen out with her, we don’t know all the details and haven’t heard both side of the story, this is third hand information after all.
IMO that doesn’t give her the right to punish them by going against their father’s wishes and cutting them out of their inheritance. Maybe they feel they were justified in the fall out? Are they supposed to be fake and continue a relationship they don’t want to have so they can get their inheritance?IMO that doesn’t give her the right to punish them by going against their father’s wishes and cutting them out of their inheritance. Maybe they feel they were justified in the fall out? Are they supposed to be fake and continue a relationship they don’t want to have so they can get their inheritance?

This 100%. Doing anything else just makes her a spiteful bitch.

Also, the question about how long wasn't really answered. It may be petty for the stepchild to resent how quickly she moved on but it is also understandable. If, she did quickly move on that is.

Original poster

StarbucksQueen · 21/04/2020 16:46

lol, no.. I'm not hoping that she leaves it to a friend :)
I think inheritance is quite an emotive subject.
She is my mums friend, and we have spoken about it.
My mum is quite stubborn, and would disinherit emigrated step child.
I would stick with how things are 75/25 in favour of step child in contact
I was just interested in what others would do if they were Doris...

OP posts:

SirVixofVixHall · 21/04/2020 16:51

I agree she should split anything from their father equally between his children. Then leave her share to whoever she wants. That seems fair.

Patch23042 · 21/04/2020 17:09

I agree with the majority. 25% each to each stepchild as their dad wished, and then the remaining 50% split as she chooses (probably between the kinder stepchild, charities and good friends who’ve helped out with shopping and morale during covid).

Butterymuffin · 21/04/2020 17:13

If the deceased husband was so keen to provide for his kids, he should have made a will leaving money to them directly. Or at least left their share of the house to them but with Doris allowed to live in it for her lifetime. That would prevent it being used up for any care fees for her, too. Since he didn't make such arrangements, it's Doris's call now. Stepdaughter hasn't done herself any favours.

Snog · 21/04/2020 17:17

I agree that the DH should have left his money to his kids in his will if he wanted it to go to them and it was negligent of him not to do this.

Morally DH share of assets should still go to his DC but legally Doris can actually do whatever she wants to with the money including spending it all on herself before she dies.

TW2013 · 21/04/2020 17:41

I would probably split his half 50:50 so each child gets 25%. If she wishes to she could then give some of her half to the child who is in touch with her. I probably wouldn't give the whole 50% though. I would probably give half of her half to the interested son and then the remainder (so 25% of the total) to a charity ideally one which would annoy the daughter . 75% to one and 25% to the other might prompt a dispute more. Plus charities are generally fairly ruthless at defending their percentage. Alternatively she could split her remaining 25% inheritance between the great grandchildren and and children of the supportive son. Essentially you want to reduce the chances that the will is contested as that will take up a lot of time and solicitors fees.

NeverBeenLoved · 21/04/2020 18:23

It's terribly foolish to rely on a step parent to do right by the children.

My dad did this. He had all the assurances from his wife. We haven't seen her since the funeral and don't expect to again. Or for her to remember us in her will. He died 10 years ago. Loss of contact was entirely down to her - we tried and she just ignored us.

My mother, upon hearing that, said she wasn't going to leave us anything either - if he didnt have to leave us anything, neither did she. God knows what her will says!

But I agree with the others. 25% to each of them and Doris does what she wants with the remaining 50%.

RLEOM · 21/04/2020 23:11

Legally, she can do what she wants with whatever is left over when she passes. A similar story recently occured where a step mother wrote her step children out of her will after her husband (step children's father) died. The step daughter took her to court over it and the step mother won!

Morally, it's wrong. I'd split the late husband's half in two between the step children and then leave the rest to whoever she likes. She might even want to give all of her half to the step child who helps out?

SandyY2K · 21/04/2020 23:36

Did Doris's husband specifically ask his kids to look after their stepmother once he had passed? Was this stipulated in the will? Did he say inheritance was dependent upon this?

Because if not, his wishes should be carried out.

I would never advise a parent to trust a stepparent to leave their children anything in the will in line with their.

A million promises are made in life, but the stepparent...usually the stepmother doesn't come good on the promise.

I remember a thread on here a while ago, where the stepmum was annoyed her late DH had made provisions and left his older kids from his first marriage money and took life insurance for them to benefit from.

She insisted she would have left the estate to them on her death....she wasn't particularly old and it would have been a very long wait...without a premature death, as she was a fair bit younger than her late husband.

It was really a source of resentment against her late DH that he left the adult children money before she died.

Winterlife · 22/04/2020 08:46

Doris needs to see a solicitor.

Assuming she can do so, in her shoes I would divide half the estate between the children, and give the other half to whoever she wants. She should probably state why she’s treating the children unequally if she leaves one child more. It makes contesting the Will more difficult, assuming she can do this.

Original poster

StarbucksQueen · 22/04/2020 08:55

The is already a will. Set out 75/25 in favour of the child who is still in touch.
There was no stipulation in the original mirrored will that the children would look out for the step mum, nor is there anything mentioned about how things will be split when Doris dies.. These things all seem to have been said verbally near the time of husbands death.
I think Doris, up until now, always intended to go with how her will is.. ie giving half between the children.. But feels aggrieved that in the current climate, even though they all cut contact with her, that no one has been in touch to see if she needs anything.. Maybe the isolating is affecting her thinking if she's talking about changing the will again to leave emigrated daughter even less..

OP posts:

user1487194234 · 22/04/2020 09:01

If the father wanted his DC to inherit he should have provided go them it his Will
If his estate was left to Doris legally she can do what she wants with it
Morally,that is entirely her decision,if I was your mother I wouldn't advise her one way or another

Soontobe60 · 22/04/2020 09:03

It's a shame that your mother sees things the way she does, i.e. That Doris should not be paying the step children because they haven't been there for her these past few years. All a little bit grabby for my liking.
There may be all sorts of reasons why the stepchild abroad isn't in contact anymore. Maybe she never liked Doris? Maybe she believes Doris was the reason why her parents split up?

My parents divorced many years ago and dm remarried, after taking my DF to the cleaners. He died with no money. My stepfather is now suffering from dementia and Parkinson's and my dm wants us to help look after him as she struggles. Well immsorry' but that's not happening. This is a man who had two affairs with my dm, broke my DFs heart and as a result my DF died penniless whilst my dm lived the life of Riley.
My dm has a will that leaves her estate split 5 ways, between her 4 children and her DH. The house is solely in her name, as are all her savings. If she dies first, he will be able to stay in the house til he goes into care or dies (he will need care straight away though). However, if she said she would change her will if we didn't look after him, that would make no difference to us.

Doris should do whatever she wants! But as she's no children, the right thing to do would be to leave the money to her step children. Presumeably if she had dies first, that's what would have happened anyway once her DH died?

Soontobe60 · 22/04/2020 09:05

Following your update, it's possible that however she splits her will, the child who gets the most may well split it equally with their sibling anyway?

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