My husband is leaving after lockdown.

[saffy1234]

Lately my DH has seemed pissed of all the time ,off the cuff yesterday I asked 'do you even love me anymore'
He then went off on a rant about how he doesn't want to be with me anymore he is 'done' and hasn't been happy for a long time.He is leaving when lockdown is over.I have asked if there is someone else,he has gone beserk,he then says he doesn't not love me.I am at a complete loss.I have children and we have 3 together our DS being severely autistic.I just don't know what to do.

So Sorry.
Ask him to keep it together for this lock down and to discuss it when you are both under less stress.
Even if he is determined to leave you could still benefit from counselling / mediation to manage it well for you and the children.
That is something you can arrange now.

There's someone else. 'I haven't been happy for a long time' and going berserk when you suggested there was someone else are key parts of the Cheater's Script. He doesn't not love you - that's his attempt at keeping you as a fallback if it goes wrong with the other person. Google the split self affair and see if it rings any bells for you. Also it's astonishing how many men leave if their kids have additional needs. I've read on here that men are like chimps - they don't let go of the branch until they have a firm grip on the next branch. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry this is happening .

It sounds like you touched a nerve with there being "someone else".

Take it slow today, just look after yourself.

Thanks @Ulver that's a good idea,and many thanks @category12 for your kind words.
@SpyApp I completely agree,there's definitely something afoot,and the chimp analogy is perfect x

He’s probably had his head turned by someone else and has assessed his feelings. Let him go ASAP and try to be amicable for the sake of your children. He made his decision but don’t let him back!

I'm sorry.

Sadly I agree he's a chimp.

Personally he'd be going today!! He wants out, he can leave. He's not getting home comforts on a Govt timetable. There's nothing in the legislation that prevents him moving out.

Don't do the 'pick me' dance
Don't live in limbo

Don't take the 'haven't been happy for a long time' bullshit to heart, it's a line they use to excuse their deplorable behaviour!

You WILL be ok, you're stronger than you can imagine right now!!

Agreed @TeawithCakes and yes @AmelieTaylor I know,any excuse to shirk responsibility

Lockdown is a trying time for ppl in affairs. They can't see their OM/OW and become irritated and angry.

I would just say you'll discuss the practicalities of it, but try and coparent effectively.

If you remain calm, he'll be confused.

God what a mind fuck he is. From I’m leaving you to doesn’t not love you.

Well why wait for lockdown to be over?. Why can’t he just leave?.

Apparently @Fluffycloudland77 leaving now will leave me in the shit,which is true.
I'm at a complete loss of what to do

I'm just going about my daily business @SandyY2K but really I'm upset and becoming angry

why wait for lockdown to be over?. Why can’t he just leave?

Because it’s grossly irresponsible? If they had the virus in their house I don’t need her ‘D’H out and about spreading it

I know it must be so difficult out of the blue. Of course you're upset and angry...I totally understand...anyone would be in your situation.

Try and focus on the kids...it's so hard in lockdown, because you don't get any space. Keep yourself and the kids as your priority.

Perhaps if you look back, there may have been signs of something not being quite right.

Anyway...take care.

Bloody hell op. I honestly would ask him to him to go and not wait for lockdown to be over. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him.
Does it actually leave you in the shit? Or do you just think it will?

@saffy1234 - I was in a very similar position to you a few years ago, right down to the DC with ASD. My stbxH threatened to leave for 2 years before I finally threw him out. It was the best decision ever.

I am so much happier now. My DC with ASD is much calmer and happier without ex bringing chaos and his self-centred sh*t into our lives. It's scary, but it's the right thing to do.

Presumably it also leaves your children in the shit and he has a responsibly to them.Some wonderful advice above and some is so truly life affirming.

@BubblyBarbara people are allowed to move house in lockdown, especially to get out of horrible domestic situations

Hi @SkaLaLand no he thinks it will
Thanks @SandyY2K
And @JaggySplinter that's some sound advice ,thank you xx

Sorry OP

Perhaps start making some preparations for after the lockdown, by getting your paperwork in order.

Sorry to be harsh, but there’s got to be a reason for why he’s leaving. You can’t just assume there’s someone else, although that’s a realistic possibility. Have you been arguing? Have you done something to upset him?

Hi @Howfar12 he says I shout too much ,which I don't think I do ,and he's not happy with me .That's it!

Yes @CaptSkippy I need to get prepared xx

I agree that he should leave. Help focus his mind a bit. Not a healthy environment to have him at home. Does he have siblings he could go and stay with? If he makes his bed during this period, he really has to go lie in it.

Yes get prepared. He’s given you the heads up. Now you take the reins and move forward in a direction that will work for you and the children. Then tell him what’s going to happen. Don’t sit around or go about your usual business until he lets you know more..

OP, there's a website called Entitled to where you can enter your financial details (for after he's buggered off) and it'll tell you what you'll be entitled to. It's additional to child support.

Do you think there's someone at work that he's involved with? Does he use his phone a lot? Does he try to make an excuse to go out? Does he guard his phone?