My husband is leaving after lockdown.

[saffy1234]

Lately my DH has seemed pissed of all the time ,off the cuff yesterday I asked 'do you even love me anymore'
He then went off on a rant about how he doesn't want to be with me anymore he is 'done' and hasn't been happy for a long time.He is leaving when lockdown is over.I have asked if there is someone else,he has gone beserk,he then says he doesn't not love me.I am at a complete loss.I have children and we have 3 together our DS being severely autistic.I just don't know what to do.

If a man wants out of a marriage, the chances are he is in with someone else. Personally I would ask where he intents to move to?
Please get some legal advice. Most solicitors are closed, I am guessing that they will talk to you over the phone. Try to keep yourself upbeat, try not to let him grind you down and he will be looking for an excuse to blame you.
Keep your chin up xxxxxx

Use this time to get sorted. Get copies or originals of important documents, birth certificates, bank statements, his wage slips and pensions.

I agree with other posters, he's got another woman, he's prob pissed the lockdown has scuppered his plans. Are you in a position for him to leave now? Can you survive if you ask him to leave, renting or mortgage etc

Hi @1Supersonic @HollowTalk @Honeyroar @mildlymiffed I doubt it's a work colleague as he works with only men,but you never know !
He is on his phone a lot but will leave it on the side.
Yeah he has a sibling and a mum,he intends on renting he says.Today he has been talking to me as normal,in fact more than normal and laughing being friendly.Then he a few moments ago mentioned it's going to cost him £800 plus a month to red.He then got annoyed when I started to cry.

I'm so sorry. Went through similar this time last year. I just found out there was someone else and they are still together:

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this during lockdown. Hopefully it wont go on for too long and you can kick his sorry arse out.

@copycopypaste yes as if desperate my parents would help
The weirdest thing is I asked him if he was unhappy and he just went off on one.I said 'what if I'd of not asked' he said 'i don't know I guess it would of blown up'

@Simonfromharlow thank you xx

Hi Saffy1234. Its unlikely that he will be moving back to his mother or sister. Been through something similar, my ex family were on his side and made me out to be a complete liar. Please do not trust his family.

My ex had been seeing a woman he had met over the Internet. I only found out the truth when we divorced. I couldn't believe believe that he had found someone else.

When you said you tried talking and he went off on one. I trust he was not violent or withholding anything necessary from you, for example food, money etc.

Please take care of yourself and your beautiful children xxxc

Hi @1Supersonic ,yes he says he won't he's going to rent somewhere
No he wouldn't do that to me as he knows he couldn't I am quite a strong character.Early in our relationship he did try to be controlling and if I wasn't the person I am he would be more controlling.Im tired today because I can barely sleep.He is still talking to me as normal etc...not sure what is going on.Last night he mentioned how expensive renting is,and keeps saying 'well in a few weeks I won't be here' which keeps making me cry.He then says for me not to start crying again.He knows very well we have two birthdays in the next two weeks (and mine but I don't care about that) ,and i really don't want them spoilt,I'm trying to keep as normal as possible Xxxx

Now is the time to take control. Sounds like he's trying to control you again op. By saying things he knows will upset you is just cruel.

In your shoes I'd be telling him he has until X date to leave, lockdown or no lockdown. Where he goes or how he does this is his responsibility. I'd also tell him you don't want to hear about it (such as making comments about rent prices etc) as it's hurtful and upsets you. Once you have told him the date he leaves, you can then start to plan around this yourself and you'll have a little bit of control back, as hard as it will be to make the decision for him.

He’s being very cruel to you, making you cry then telling you to stop is just brutal.

He doesn’t deserve to be loved.

I said that last night I said well when lockdown ends hopefully on 7th you can go so that'll be the weekend you are moving,the 9th.I have told him I'm not interested in hearing about his plans and I don't want my children overhearing thank you!
Yeah he's being nasty alright

Has he realised how expensive it will be renting and paying maintenance? I'm getting the impression he's starting to think it's not such a great idea after all. Is he hoping that when he keeps saying he'll go on x date you'll beg him to stay and he can say 'ok maybe we'll try again' I'd start talking about all things you're going to do during your free time when he has the kids.

He's definitely going to have to go because I can't have him being like this to me as devastated as I am.Ive barely slept a wink and I don't sleep a lot anyway due to our son who is autistic,he must know how traumatic this is for me so he's completely lost my respect.

He can go to his mums she would happily have him,he won’t go says he's not staying there.
Oh and weirdly last night he put DS1 to bed (it takes a while as he is ASD) I was looking online about being newly single etc and he appeared so I put my phone down.He said what are you looking at what were you on,I said nothing,he said show me now,I said nothing I was reading about corona he said no show me now what is it and I showed him and he just said nothing.

Oh and weirdly last night he put DS1 to bed (it takes a while as he is ASD) I was looking online about being newly single etc and he appeared so I put my phone down.He said what are you looking at what were you on,I said nothing,he said show me now,I said nothing I was reading about corona he said no show me now what is it and I showed him and he just said nothing.

He's going to try and turn it into your fault. Suggesting you have someone else

Be careful.

Make sure you stop cooking and washing etc for him right now. He’s started this, he can live with it. And tell people he’s said he’s leaving. Don’t let him sit there torturing you with this when he feels like it. He may have started this ball rolling, but he can’t control where it now rolls.

Sorry to hear this. Sounds like you’re dealing with it well though and aren’t taking and shit from him

It's funny @Honeyroar you say that he's said he's not telling anyone as it's not their business,I said I'm sure they will soon notice x

What a fool he would be to say that @lyralalala ,however god knows what he's thinking so I suppose anything is possible

Tell him you've no interest in his practical arrangements. Why is he discussing them with you? I'd say "I don't give a shit how much your rent will just get gone as soon as you can please". I agree there's someone else. He's already moved on his mind hence his impatience at your distress - the absolute prick. He's in cloud cuckoo land imagining his new wonderful life and he doesn't anyone's messy tears making him feel bad. No one so cold as a person who has moved on to the next person and just wants their ex to make it easy for them.

The first step is telling people, make it real. As a PP mentioned entitled too is extremely helpful, you should get extra financial assistance due to your son.

Finances can be sorted, nothing is worth staying with him. Give him a date to be gone. My ExH was the same, making himself out to be the victim, even tracking my phone as he thought I was having an affair. I reality they are looking for an excuse for their abhorrent behaviour.

Keep calm, you are strong enough to deal with this. Accept what he has said, he may panic and say he didn't mean it but he did. Let him deal with the consequences. Even if he doesnt leave you can start claiming what you are entitled too, just confirm you are living living in the house but separately.

You are strong and you deserve much better. I learnt the calmer I was the worse ExH behaved so be prepared for some erratic behaviour.

I would just go along with his bullshit, i know that you have lost all respect for him now and would not want him back, just call his bluff using reverse psychology.

How awful for you, and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I would tell him to leave and go stay elsewhere. The tension will certainly be felt by the children, even if they don’t see you argue at all. A calmer environment will be happier for you all. Plus, where ever he goes, he will have to consider what his life will be like when he is away, and that might make him think a bit.

100% get on the phone and tell his mum. Why should all the stress be on you while he chooses his next sentence to torture you? Let him answer some hard questions. It’s definitely family business.

I'd start to tell your family and friends, if nothing else it makes it real and you need the support