Would you find out what he wants?

[PumpkinP]

I have 4 children with my ex. He doesn’t see them and that is his choice, hasn’t seen them in 3 years apart from
Once a year ago when he contacted me asking to see them again, saw them ONCE then told me that actually he doesn’t want to see them anymore . That was a year ago as I said. After that I deleted him off WhatsApp and left it, decided that he has had his chances and I will never contact him again (oh he also told me not to contact him again, only if it was an emergency then I could contact ) it was my birthday 2 months after blocking him and he sent me a message saying happy birthday. I was surprised but ignored it. In December he messaged again saying he had sent some money for them. Again ignored, a few days later he asked if I had received it, so obviously hoping for a conversation but again I left it. On NYE he text me to say happy new year, again I ignored, he then called me at midnight on nye but I didn’t answer. A few weeks later he messaged asking if everything was ok, then that brings me to a few weeks ago on their birthday he sent some money and where you put in the reference he wrote “call me please” I only just noticed this yesterday when going through my bank statement.

I am not going to contact him but am I doing the right thing? Would you find out what he wants or just leave it?

I would ignore him he probably didn't expect you to take him at his word he probably expected you to beg

My ex accuses me of harassing him if I contact him "for no good reason" so I dont he has to contact me first then I reply it's been 7 days since he asked about his kids I'm assuming a text will show up today 🤷‍♀️

If he doesn't have to pay cm for 4 dc as he has priority debts, then the system is broken. How are you managing, op? What could be more of a priority than supporting dc??

What a Prince among men, op. Keep on blocking him.

Keep protecting your DCs and yourself from this man.

I doubt he has anything useful to say whatsoever. I wouldn't bother to even reply.
My first husband contacted me recently on facebook messenger 30 years after we divorced (again because of his mental health). The message he left was the same old rubbish he was spouting 30 years ago.
I blocked him, I don't want to hear it.

You're doing the right thing not contacting him. Why would you?

Bringing him back into the DCs lives will not turn out well as he will disappear again, which you know from bitter experience. So the only reason to do this would be for his benefit? Why on earth would you do that?

So I completely agree with you, no chance.

I would not reply or contact him in any way.

Your kids deserve to be protected from a "father" who ignores them for years, then visits on a whim, then drops them again. The unpredictability and repeated rejection will mess with their heads. Having no dad is much better than that.

I’m ashamed to admit that the time last year I did beg him, I begged him to reconsider as I felt so bad for bringing him back into their lives only for him to go again, he ignored me. When I finally got through to him he said I only wanted him to see them because I “had no one else” and “why does he need to see them” I left it after that, he said I only wanted him to see them as I had no family. And people sympathise with him? I don’t care about his mental health, it’s not an excuse not to see his kids and it’s not an excuse to not pay either. I don’t manage, I’ve had to give up work because my oldest has autism and the school call me constantly to pick her up, she was on a reduced time table and had to be picked up at 12.30 from school then I had to go back and pick up my other 2 at 3.20. It was impossible to work. I have no help and it’s only me who could collect her. The youngest was born after the cut off for tax credits so not entitled to that, meaning money is extremely tight, but I’m suppose to just suck it up because he “can’t work” and poor guy has debts so can’t pay, he has debts because he wasn’t working or claiming benefits for 2 years!! He’s probably racked up a hell of a lot of debt in that time as he lives in a HA house so is probably in a lot of arrears with them. And that’s my children’s fault because??? It is broken, the system really is. I can’t believe they can tell me he doesn’t have to pay for his children because he racked up a lot of debt. It would really be for his benefit if I contacted him, it’s definitely not in their best interest. He’s proven time and time again that he is not fit to be a father.

Everything you've written just goes to show that you're making the right decisions for your children. Their dad may be a sorry piece of shit, but they're incredibly lucky to have you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this

I’d ignore him too
If he wants to see the DC he has the option to go to court. Let him show he is willing to go to that effort.

You not responding to him doesn’t take away from him the choice to go to court or not. If he doesn’t that’s on him. And for anyone who thinks going to court is hard, it is much much easier and much cheaper than raising 4 kids on your own for years.

Yeah fuck him. Sounds like you’ve given him chance after chance.
Just ignore him.

I wouldn't contact him.
The blokes a complete and utter arsehole to do that to his poor children.

He doesn't even necessarily have to go to court, but some meaningful consistent action that requires more effort than sitting on his arse would be good.