Living with my OH is like having 2 kids

[OhPhotograph]

Please bear with me as I find it hard to articulate what I want to say.
I've always been very independent, had f all growing up so made it my mission to be financially secure, in a good job etc. Have lived on my own when younger also. Don't ask anyone for help, will just get on wjth stuff.
Currently on mat leave, baby 10 months old. I'm the higher earner and always have been.
OH has always been a bit of a lazy git but is something else these days. He will ask me 17 times for me to go and get him a drink, I'll say no, he'd rather go thirsty than get up himself but if I get up to go to the loo it's "Oh as you're up can you get me a drink....". When he's doing anything with the baby it's "Can you get me this, pass me that, hold his legs up whilst I change his nappy etc etc so I never get to have even just a 5 minute break. He can't even think of what to get him for lunch and never thinks ahead in terms of when the baby will need a nap etc. He's working from home atm but he doesn't get up and start work until 9 then has to work until 6, i just think why wouldn't you start at 7 and finish at 4 if you could spend more time with your child of an evening? Rarely does much housework as in day to day stuff but then will deep clean 1 room of a weekend and expect a medal. If we're both sat down and he wants something like phone charger etc then he will ask me to get up and get it because he cba. Generally sort of talks down to me now I'm on mat leave, says its my "job" to keep the house tidy as I'm not at work etc. He's never off his phone, even on weekends and he's with the baby he will be on his phone I have to tell him to get off it and engage with his son. Evenings he's on his phone. I'm just tired of all the mental load, sometimes I think it would be easier if I was a single parent as I would probably get more down time. I would do anything for my son and am not bothered about having a break "from him, but its the constant having to be" in charge" is grinding me down. Sorry if this makes no sense just had to write it down somewhere. Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

Thank you again so much for your support

Hi OP, it’s very rare I delurk to share my 2 pence but your post really touched me. You sound so very disappointed, sad and unhappy. First, he sounds awful. From your first post I can’t see how this relationship can be worthwhile continuing. The laziness seems to me a double edged sword. Definitely him being ridiculously lazy and inept to do anything, but more likely in my humble opinion, an effort of control, him getting you to do things for him. Strange but I bet he gets a kick from making you run around after him. I bet he loves always making you doing things for him. After all, who could possibly be so fucking useless...hold the babies legs? I also think it’s a bit of a red herring because the whole painting incident and him turning your shocked and dismayed reaction into “your lack of control over yourself” is the most perfect example of gaslighting I’ve seen in a long time. Tick ✔️ - emotional abuse. Throw in the constant “ your so angry all the time. “ More gaslighting. You not happy about doing stupid shit for him? And then turning it back on you? More gaslighting. I’m sure you aren’t because you seem to already be moderating your behaviour to avoid him kicking off, but to be honest I don’t know how you haven’t completely lost your shit with him! Regularly! What a disappointment he must be. Secondly, it’s worrying that he thinks he can become the main carer, he might be right, I’m not sure...I’m no expert...but I would get professional advice about what the courts take into account when they award custody and ask your boss to change your hours if you need to pronto so that he doesn’t have the chance to try it. What a manipulative bastard. And now...the push. Seemingly not a big enough offence to call the police. I would probably feel the same and not want to escalate things for fear of the unknown BUT you really need to. He has put your hands on you in anger, things have escalated, and to be honest this could really REALLY help you with any custody issues in the future. I would at the very least get it logged. GET IT LOGGED. You may be so happy you did one day. Let alone the fact the police would take it seriously. Along with the gaslighting. Emotional & physical abuse. It’s easy to say when it’s not happening to you, I do understand... but you sound SO strong, SO intelligent, SO put together ( much more than I did when my babies were so young!) and your life will be so SO much better without this half-wit sucking your very soul. Tough being a single parent but so much easier than what you’ve got now. He will be an endless disappointment and sadness as you watch your child grow up with a father that serves only himself and puts himself first every minute of every day. Soul-destroying. You’ve got this! We are behind you! Keep posting.

Fall down the stairs and fucking die? What a peach. LOG IT! You can do this. You are going to be one of those women who come back 1 year later to update on how fucking amazing your life is after you left your abusive shitty EX and now you’re SO much happier and have a hot new BF who adores you and your DS is thriving and everything is SO MUCH BETTER because this life is not the one you should be living! Your future is bright once you get rid!

@Luckybe40 your post made me cry.. Thank you so much.

True story! You are going to thrive once you get all this shit sorted out. It’ll be tough no doubt but I can tell you’re resilient and strong and will get through this, think of it like you would if this was work. You’ve done well to be a manger, you seem to have a logical brain and respond well to structure...Write yourself a relationship plan (instead of a business plan) And start working through all the things you need to do with varying factors / scenarios thrown in. IE- if he does this, then I’ll do this...if that happens then I will do this and start ticking them off. The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time...and within a set time frame, youll get to where you need to be. Don’t take any bullshit off of your loser (and sorry but he r keep posting! We can all back you when you’re sad, angry, confused. There will always be someone who has been through it, dickheads seem to be a dime a dozen these days!

Sorry posted too soon! Don’t take any bullshit off of your DH, you ARE in the right here, TRUST in yourself and keep putting you and DS first...AND keep posting...

Please keep posting, OP. We are listening.

He sounds truly awful. I’m so pleased you’ve told some people in real life. You can always try to get a non molestation order if he refuses to leave.

How are you today, OP?

OhPhotograph hope your ok

Get legal advice, then get rid.

Was concerned the OP hasn't updated but noteD she has commented on another thread so all must be ok

Just to add, OP, and apologies if you’ve already confirmed you’ll do this and I’ve missed it but would strong recommend switching to an 8.30 am start for now. It’s difficult facing a pay cut when you’re the main/sole breadwinner but I think the benefit of you having the extra time in the morning will more than outweigh the loss of the money.

Good luck!

How are you OP?