Some advice, dd has no contact with her dad but what do I do about his family?

[Fightingback16]

Hi, so I stopped contact with my abusive husband mid Dec, unfortunately but the right thing to do that meant dd who is 3 also.

His family all live abroad and I was in the mindset that it’s not their fault so have been continuing to video call them. Probably more then ever as H never bothered when we were together.

Now I’m really torn. I’ve had a word because his sister on one occasion was drunk and kept saying daddy over and over again during one chat and dd was getting upset. Then on the last occasion I could clearly see that his sister went on video chat to my H so that he could see dd on the other phone. I could see her holding up the phone and I glimpsed his face.

What do I do, I don’t want to be seen as excluding his whole family but then they are obviously on his side. Should I continue to call or say sorry I won’t be anymore and maybe just send them an update? I have sent them pics of dd before and they sending them to him as he puts them on his Fb profile.

Don’t waste your headspace trying to work HIM out. Just know he is an abusive psychopath. Dwelling on HIM won’t heal you and move your life forward.

Keep using your headspace to concentrate on continuing with your own personal growth and strength.

You are doing great.

Have you any longer term plans or needs to move house?

He is still in the family home so I can’t move without my equity or getting him out. He won’t give it up without going through the courts so it’s with the solicitor, there is nothing I can do with it. I fell for all his lies that he would move ASAP (14 months ago), he said he couldn’t bare living their without his family...bulls**t. I stupidly showed him all my cards and told him I was struggling living with my mum and sleeping in a room with my daughter.... now I realise I gave him more reason for him to stay put. He pushed me out the house and threatened my life and I’ve been in a daze for a long time. I know now it was because I was traumatised and it was too much to deal with plus he was still feeding me until Dec. So plans are get the bastard out some how. He has put massive CCTV and security cameras on the house, I know it’s where he will put up all the fight and energy.

So now I’m awake do I just stop thinking about it. It’s troubling because I do much memory loss, it’s uncomfortable, years and years with nothing.

Expect him to stall, frustrate and deliberately obstruct the financial process - even if he loses significant amount of money as well.

I have seen men do this just to punish their xW - drag it all out because that’s where they derive their sense of purpose in life - fuelled by hate and anger.

This could take 2 years - so pace yourself. The lawyer is on board so you have done all you can. He will play really shitty through the legal process but at the end of the day he is not above the law - you will get there. A long drawn out process might suit you if prices plummet due to COVID - you might want to wait until they recover. Is it likely he would buy you out?

He can buy me out, I don’t care about the house or money. I obviously want it, it’s mine but it’s so unimportant to me. I’ll let the solicitor deal with that part. I’m happy that I’m free, it’s worth everything.

He will drag it out, when I went into the house to collect dd one day, he made me go in an get her so he could trap me talk crap. He said if you dare bring in lawyers I will make you suffer. I will quit my job and I will never leave this house. It did frighten me into freezing. He wanted me to agree to terms that would link us together forever, thank god I was too frozen to not be able to accept it. I want a complete clean break from him.