checked his phone

[Figroller]

Hi, checked my husbands phone last night. Don't know why just thought something was off and saw messages to another woman. I know who she is and she is supposedly just a friend. Also he's been calling her literally every day.

Tbh don't want to blow this all up while we are on lockdown and I need more evidence. But struggling to hold it down today, I feel like my heads going to explode.

From what I gather he's been visiting her for sex, like a booty call, and obviously with the current situation he's not been able to.

God this brings back some awful memories for me. So sorry you're going through this. I would recommend trump lady. I did read The State of Affairs too but if I'm honest it didn't help me, I felt it like it tried to justify affairs/leant more towards making the 'cheat' feel better. It's so difficult during these times, you're being so strong.

Just want to say sorry your going through this op, its heartbreaking that he can do this to you and your family, get all required information you need and delete your history incase a divorce add pops up and start withdrawing the odd 20/30 here on your food shop and stash it away for when your finally rid of him.

Thanks @Purpleneonpinkunicorns

I pretty much control the finances. We're not really well off but I've looked into it and I think I could manage on my own and keep the house on. There might be an option for me to work full time as well which would help. I dont know if I'd be entitled to tax credits or if he'd be made to pay child maintenance. But even without those I could just about cover the bills.

He'd have to pay child maintenance.

You can calculate it yourself here:

www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Good luck @Figroller , I hope that everything works out well for you and you have your ducks in a row before you confront him.

Honey he's cheating on you. In my experience that is the worst thing a Man can do to you , it's not just cheating on you, it's your entire family,kids, parents etc. It destroys entire families I know this from my own experience. He made a conscious and knowing DECISION to betray you, even though he knew it could cost him your marriage and life together but he still went for it anyway. . I would confront him and tell him to leave immediately.

@jm42 I get that. Unfortunately its not the first time. I forgave him but have always been wary since. I've accused him on a whim without any evidence, which he has denied. This then plays with your head and you feel like you are going insane. Then things go back to normal for a while. The texts I saw were not concrete but I know what's going on. Just need more evidence. Dh has no intention of leaving, he just wants the best of both worlds. However, I've made up my mind this time I'm done. Rather be alone forever than feel like this.

Sorry it happened to you too

How are you doing @Devoilmum?

Thanks @Figroller I’m doing ok.

I could have written the above.

My dps OW texts throughout the day and evening and he slopes off to reply.

I really need to see those messages for some proof - I’ve seen one - long deleted - saying something like ‘ I love you too’ from her. But that’s not enough to go on. They are work colleagues so texting whilst not being about to chat at work is understandable. He knows I’ve already questioned what’s going on between them several months ago.
How the hell do I get on to his phone for proof.
He’ll totally make out I’m a complete loon and imagining it all. And as he deletes it all he’ll have no proof, and say he deleted it because he knows I’ll ack like this.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up. His pace of diy work has slowed and I’m getting a bit of cabin fever I think!

Took me two weeks to read proper proof of an affair with my now exh. The texts I read led me to believe, but they were all from her, things such as 'night night, I love you' I knew if I said anything to him he'd blame her and said it wasn't anything to do with him. I ended up finding proof one night at 5am, he went for a wee and I took a quick look at his phone, he'd forgotten to delete one message from the previous night which game me my proof. I spoke to him about it there and then.

The problem I have is that dp has face recognition on his iPhone and I dont know his pin. He obviously only unlocks using the face recognition. When I saw messages before it was because he’d fallen asleep with his phone unlocked. But like you @copycopypaste, they were one way and he could explain (badly) but everything deleted. I was worried he’d wake up and didn’t have my phone to get a photo. Now, because he’s furloughed he’s not working so going to bed late. No chance of him falling asleep with it unlocked. Plus he has recently?, few months ago got himself a flip cover for his phone as id sometimes mistake his for mine. Plus he gets a notification when she messages.