checked his phone

[Figroller]

Hi, checked my husbands phone last night. Don't know why just thought something was off and saw messages to another woman. I know who she is and she is supposedly just a friend. Also he's been calling her literally every day.

Tbh don't want to blow this all up while we are on lockdown and I need more evidence. But struggling to hold it down today, I feel like my heads going to explode.

From what I gather he's been visiting her for sex, like a booty call, and obviously with the current situation he's not been able to.

No I'm trying to act as normal as possible. Baring in mind this has probably been going on for a while he probably thinks he will never be caught.

Does Samsung have a deleted photo file? Not even sure?

@Figroller yes it does. There is a recycle bin, at least there is for photos. I have never accessed mine but will check what is in there in a second.

Here you go:

1. Tap on the Gallery app.
2. On the top right corner, tap on the three-dot Settings icon.
3. From the dropdown menu, tap Recycle Bin.
4. Now you'll see all your recently deleted photos and videos here.

Sorry you are going through this

Superlative.. just checked we have the same phone and I see them! I honestly didn't know this. I very much doubt he is deleting them from the recycle bin. He is awful with technology. Will check this when I get the chance. I'm sure there will be more in there. Thank you.

Idk if this is any help but my phone and I think Samsung's have a hidden folder/secure folder in the pictures. My ex boyfriend had a Samsung and used to hide stuff on there all of the time so maybe it's worth a look? Try googling how to do it x

OP - do the checking you think you need. However - you already saw messages that you said indicated that they are sleeping together. Other digging may give you more visuals and possibly more details.
However - the more details come out the worse it’d make you feel.
I know it’s natural, and many people get this strong drive to know more about what went on, in details. But it’s often quite self-destructive and doesn’t help. Mostly makes people feel even more hurt.

If you wanted to try to make sense of any of it - and if you are wondering what may have possibly lead him to do what he did - look up E.Perel. She has some interesting talks and her book on Rethinking Infidelity can be quite helpful.

@Lauren12F

To think and believe that it’s appropriate, or that any employer would be grateful or remotely interested to someone reporting an employee’s affair - is delusional.
We live in a country that voted in a PM who has had affairs and is marrying his OW.
(Obv unless it’s a case of inappropriate relationships between boss/subordinates, or students/professors, etc)

It took me two weeks to get solid, undisputable proof of my exh's affair, but I'm glad I did get it, there was no way he could worm his way out and it gave me my 100% certainty that I needed to end the relationship.

I would need as much proof as possible but I agree it just screws you up more knowing details. When my dp was away he was supposed to be staying with family, I tracked his phone and found out he was in a hotel over an hour away. He’d changed his flight to an earlier one too to spend more time with family!
He doesn’t know I can track him. He tracks our ds and in turn, DS can track him. Can you do the same?
My dp also uses an app to message, so I can’t see when he’s online like what’s app and doesn’t show anywhere else like messenger might. I can use the iPad to see what he’s been googling though as it’s somehow linked.

@MMmomDD I'm not suggesting it is appropriate to contact an employer, that's not what I suggested OP to do (not really against it though if I'm honest). I was just recalling my friends story. You may think its delusional but many people (including employers) value high morals. If I'm honest, I wouldn't trust someone who cheats in a relationship to run my business either.

@Lauren12F

It’s delusional and naive to think employers care on a corporate level AND can possibly do anything. Affairs are not illegal. No one can be fired or discriminated at work for it.
Individual person can hold a personal opinion but that’s that.
And given that statistically many people have cheated in their life time - you already have people with less than high morals around you - running your businesses, serving you, teaching your kids, etc. And you trust them, because you just don’t know.
Majority of people, when asked if they’d cheat with a 100% guarantee their partner won’t find out - lean towards Yes.

Not defending it - just saying that not many people possess the high morals you would like them to.

@MMmomDD maybe if cheating was illegal or if family courts financially favoured the betrayed spouse, more people would be honest and end their relationships that they're 'unhappy' in instead of cheating.

And the prize for derailing a thread with no consideration for the OP goes to..

Just to say, I was in this same situation a week ago. Hurts like fuck.

My 'D' H has moved out because we have an empty rental that we were going to do a big refurbishment on and make our family home so he's gone there.

I barely had anything to go on, a couple of messages that could have been innocent I guess but he's done it before and I held my nerve, pretending I knew more. He was in a corner and there was no way out for him. I also knew of I didn't do it there and then, I'd soften and learn to live with it so keep the fire burning and be ready when the time comes. Good luck!

Did you find anything in the recycle bin OP? I really hope you're OK. What an absolute snake he is.

Agree @Treacletoots

@Thisisshit4567 so sorry to hear that you’re in the same situation but well done for holding your nerve and acting on the little that you knew.

I wish I’d chucked my dp out straight away In some ways, it’s killing me and stopping me from moving on. Plus I don’t want to soften but I do find my anger is less and I still think I must’ve got it wrong as most of the time he is still lovely to me and positive about our future etc. But, there was no way with him having the next 10 weeks or so off work I was going to chuck him out to cosy up with her. I’ve got him busy getting lots done around the house, lots of fun family time together. I’m not going to cause an argument or any bad feeling (believe me, it’s hard) but I think it’ll hurt him more when he does go. Plus of course, it helps me out, I’m working full time from home whole homeschooling dcs. He’s having to do his fair share too.
I think too, my deceit will hurt him. Maybe. It’ll at least make me feel like I have.

So sorry that this has happened to yours I would advise that you check the chump lady site. It's incredible in its ability to cut through the nonsense that people say in this situation.

www.chumplady.com/2020/01/what-got-you-unstuck-2/

You can actually start divorce proceedings online, cost around £500 but you cite the damning texts etc.

In your shoes I would start the process and when he gets the papers in the post and starts denying things, I'd hand him all the print outs you've gathered.

I arranged for the decree nisi to be delivered on our wedding anniversary. It gave me a wicked sense of pleasure after years of emotional abuse.

@Devoilmum our stories are so similar. We are decorating and this morning I almost forgot about it. I am not going to make an argument either when the time comes. As soon as I get enough evidence I'm just going to sit him down and ask him. You're right it will hurt them more that way. Once I tell him I've already spoken to my family he will know its game over. He's not close to his family but he would hate for mine to think badly of him.

@BaroleCaskin not had access to his phone since but looking at mine again don't think pictures sent via watsapp go there if you just clear the chat, which is what he probably does.

@Thisisshit4567 sorry its happened to you too. You're right it does hurt like fuck. I'm so angry he clearly thinks his behaviour is OK.

I had actually looked into divorces online today and its a lot easier than it used to be.

The texts are quite vague so I feel like I need more evidence. I dont really want to say what they are on here just in case but its quite clear to me what's going on.

@Figroller

Yes our stories sound very similar. I’m looking forward to a finished house, lots of jobs I’d not be able to do myself and never get time to. This furloughed time has some benefits.

I’m also using this time to stock up a bit. I shall order new school uniforms for the children and a few and pieces like that- will be more affordable whilst 2 wages going into the account. I’ll struggle on just my wage.

Is it just one dc you have?

I didn’t even manage to get a picture of the messages I saw, I have nothing solid as evidence.

We are not married but do jointly own our house. His OW is a couple of years younger but is single with no children. From what I’ve heard, she lives in a shared house. He used to talk about her a lot but now actively avoids mentioning her.

Does anyone know how many attempts at a pin you get on an iPhone?

@Devoilmum, as far as I know you get 3 attempts at a pin on an iPhone. Good luck