Is he Gaslighting or is it me at fault

[dympna35]

Where do i start. Met a guy on pof. Chatted on facetime for 6 months and met. Before and after we met he has been laxy daisy about replying to texts or calls. When i asked him he got defensive and said ffs if i dont reply it doesn't mean i don't like u. It seems we chat when it suits him. If he calls i answer etc. If i call or ask him a question he reads it but no reply until a day later but hes been on whatsapp loads!!!. Very frustrating. All i want is to get to know this guy more and communicate more especially with lockdown. I told my mates and they said its not normal. If 2 people like eachother they chat, flirt and get excited. I said why dont u ring more n he said cos i cant be bothered. Its not like hes busy. He said weeks ago in time hel sort his spare room for my daughter if we come and stay and made plans. Yesterday i got pist off cos i said clean slate n lets sort this. I said do u wanna chat and he said no. I replied calling him immature etc cos he was told a few home truths. His mate sold me a car weeks ago and i told him dont worry ill pay for the rest of the car and he replied, dont threaten about not paying my mate, if u dont youll wake up some day and car wont be there. That i was abusing him with my texts, putting him down. I said all i wanted was more communication and get to know eachother more but u ignored that. Then he said im going to devon for 2 weeks and dont make me block you!! He said do you speak to your mates like that. I was devastated. He was to come and see me this weekend but he said he couldn't because of money and the lockdown. Now he has the money to go to devon and no worry about the lockdown. Ive cried all day. Is he gaslighting me

He’s just not that into you. Don’t waste your time. Block.

Missbax im not paying for his car. Its my car. I bought it from his mate but i owe money for it

She bought a car from his mate missbax. So it's her car. Well, once she finishes paying. I hope she got it checked over by a mechanic before purchasing.

Honestly op this whole situation is toxic. He is nasty. Text him to never contact you again and block him on everything. And sort the car business out with his friend asap.

Winnietheshit we facetimed but only met once. He never seems to have money

Block that fucker and run for the hills

Shadowdoor21 thankyou for the advice. Hes made me out to be the fault here

Thankyou. These messages are helping me see sense

If he wasn't interested then why is he bothered to reply or waste his time arguing

Because you owe his mate some money, and because he has nothing else to do.

I echo @mountainwalks comments.

Ah my mistake, I thought you meant you were paying his friend for him to have the car.
Either way, sack him off!
It really saddens me that women are fine to be treated like this. I doubt many men would put up with this treatment for long.

Theres a difference between being into someone and wanting them to be into you. A lot of people fall into the second bracket with dating unfortunately. He likes that you are paying him attention and getting all stressed about him. It strokes his ego. Makes him feel like he is a desirable man. Makes him feel powerful.

He also thinks probably that if ne keeps you around you might have sone other uses. Like buying his friends car for example.

Basically, he is a knob.

Why are you interested in someone who enjoys treating you like shit?

He’s not interested in you, he’s using you and by putting you down he’s feeling superior.

Why would you want your daughter around a jerk?

Block this idiot, deal with the friend and pay off the car, work on your self esteem and find a guy who likes you and likes being with you/being in contact with you.

Doesn't seem interested at all and he’s basically telling you to stop pestering him now. I wouldn’t class this as a relationship at all! You sound like someone he’s used to fill the time in and now he’s done with it.

But for future relationships I would try not to be too intense, just let things flow naturally as you sound quite full on which can be a major turn off.

All this drama over someone you have met once or not at all. He has shown you who he is and he is not a nice person. This will only get worse. This is supposed to be the honeymoon best behaviour time. It should be an exciting, passionate, fun, chatty getting to know you time and instead you are dealing with someone who won't communicate with you and who becomes abusive when you question this. You are not compatible at all.

I would suggest you be on your own for a bit and figure out what you are prepared to accept in a relationship. You sound very needy and I also have these tendencies so I know this is not healthy as it makes you accept behaviour you shouldn't. What was your relationship like with your daughters dad? If this was bad I would suggest doing the Freedom Project before you start dating again. This could stop you from making a huge future mistake

Ok OP, I'm going to be blunt here, sorry, just to get a point across.

He's doing the bare minimum of effort to keep you dangling on a hook just in case he wants a shag in the future. But he doesn't want a relationship or anything serious with you and he doesn't actually care that much about you. I'm really sorry but that's the truth.

He also sounds like a total twat and you need to set your standards higher. You can do better

Jesus wept!
All this shite for some bellend you’ve met once!?!
Why are you so invested in someone you met once, making plans, buying a car from his pal?
Block him, find your self esteem and set big big boundaries, I’m embarrassed for you.

He's not interested. If he was he'd do whatever he could to be in touch and spend time with you. Block him and work on learning what a healthy relationship looks like.

Block. He's not offering or giving you anything that's good.

All this drama and angst over someone you've met ONCE??

That's not how relationships work. If he liked you, he'd want to see you.

Please do the Freedom Programme and set some boundaries in place for your next relationship! Don't allow people to treat you like this! Think of the example you want to set your dd.

Thanks everyone. He said i down graded him but i should try to upgrade things!!! If hes not bothered why even text me at all?! I dont get why hes so angry when he could just block me and move on

Just block him and stop texting him.
If he liked you he would want to talk to you, would want to spend time with you. I just don’t understand this I really don’t.

6 months of chatting intermittently and one face to face encounter isn't a relationship (sorry) it isn't even a friendship. He isn't gas lighting he's telling you he isn't interested. He's just passing the time. Also, if someone's willing to flaunt the lockdown why would you want that type of person anywhere near you? He doesn't care about his, yours, your daughters or anyone's safety... I'm shocked you invited him to yours... total disregard for yours and your daughters health. The youngest death is 5... how old did you say you child was?

He won't block you because he's got the power in the relationship. He knows you like him more than he likes you. He's touting with you because you are good for his ego. You need to do the blocking.

I asked him here for the lockdown but he said he didnt have money. Also he said other girls he dated chased him for 8 months and the other he was chatting to for 5 months before meeting