Is he Gaslighting or is it me at fault

[dympna35]

Where do i start. Met a guy on pof. Chatted on facetime for 6 months and met. Before and after we met he has been laxy daisy about replying to texts or calls. When i asked him he got defensive and said ffs if i dont reply it doesn't mean i don't like u. It seems we chat when it suits him. If he calls i answer etc. If i call or ask him a question he reads it but no reply until a day later but hes been on whatsapp loads!!!. Very frustrating. All i want is to get to know this guy more and communicate more especially with lockdown. I told my mates and they said its not normal. If 2 people like eachother they chat, flirt and get excited. I said why dont u ring more n he said cos i cant be bothered. Its not like hes busy. He said weeks ago in time hel sort his spare room for my daughter if we come and stay and made plans. Yesterday i got pist off cos i said clean slate n lets sort this. I said do u wanna chat and he said no. I replied calling him immature etc cos he was told a few home truths. His mate sold me a car weeks ago and i told him dont worry ill pay for the rest of the car and he replied, dont threaten about not paying my mate, if u dont youll wake up some day and car wont be there. That i was abusing him with my texts, putting him down. I said all i wanted was more communication and get to know eachother more but u ignored that. Then he said im going to devon for 2 weeks and dont make me block you!! He said do you speak to your mates like that. I was devastated. He was to come and see me this weekend but he said he couldn't because of money and the lockdown. Now he has the money to go to devon and no worry about the lockdown. Ive cried all day. Is he gaslighting me

He's a wanker. Cut your losses and ditch him.

You have been chatting to a man for 6 months, have met him once, is that right? And intended to introduce your daughter? Are you absolutely insane?

This sounds made up, noone can actually act like this, surely!?

Trust me missbax its not made up. Hes lovely until i ask him why hes been quiet. I haven't planned to introduce my child. I said in time but obviously now i wont

Lovely but doesn’t call, hasn’t seen you, flouts the social distance laws and has threatened to block you and has threatened you over a car purchase?

Set your standards higher.

What's 'laxy daisy'? Do you mean lackadaisical?

He's clearly not interested and making it pretty clear. It sounds like you're so desperate for a 'relationship' that you're trying to force something that really isn't there. Block and work on yourself. All this angst over someone you've met once!!!

@dympna35 What are you planning to do now?

Take the hint. He just doesn't like you that much. You are his back up. The woman who will be there no matter how badly he treats you. He is probably chatting to many other women on pof.

Just block his number and move on. No good will come of this for you. You are in for a world of heartache and pain if you carry on. Why will he change if he treats you like shit and you are still desperate for the scraps he throws for you when he can be bothered.

You deserve to be someone’s first choice. While you’re waiting for this tosser to be as interested as you are you’re wasting time you could be using to find someone who’s wonderful, kind, thoughtful, exciting, loyal, loving and worthy of you. Aim higher. Don’t have a relationship with someone you need to change. There are about 3.5 billion men on the planet. Find one who makes you feel like the only woman in the world.

For god sake. You haven't even had a relationship with him, he's clearly spoken to you to cure boredom or whatever other reason but it is as plain as day he is absolutely not interested and you're fabricating a relationship in your head and planning your daughter meeting him. Sort yourself out

Annielovesgilbert you are so lovely abd absolutely right. Thankyou

He's awful, and you're not compatible.

Please just stop contacting him, block and delete his number, and forget he ever existed.

Shatandfattered pls dont make me feel worse than i already do. This guy told me we were together, i didnt fabricate it. Hes just weirdly quiet too often

OP, at the time that he said he couldn't be bothered to contact you, that told you that he was not the man for you. You shouldn't have mentioned still paying his friend, why wouldn't you pay for something you had bought? That was irrelevant to a discussion about your relationship.

Draw a line under it and block him and don't have any further contact. If you have any proof that he is going to Devon, report him.

Currygoat i plan to not contact him. Hes made me feel its my fault for questioning him. He also said im ruining everything

He sounds awful op. You really don't need this in your life. Please cut off all contact.

If it takes a man 6 months to even meet you, he isnt interested. If he is on one dating to do more than just have his ego stroked, he'll meet you within a month, tops. In future don't spend months chatting and investing emotions in someone that could be anyone.

He's turned out to be a dick. Get shot.
Better luck with the next one.

*online

It's not gaslighting.

He wants to talk to you when he's in the mood (horny?).

He doesn't want to talk to you if he's not in the mood.

He doesn't care about your feelings and your health during quarantine

He doesn't want to spend his extra free time with you or talking to you.

He doesn't want to be nagged into being a better bf

Basically he's not into you at all.

Glad to know you intend to never contact him again. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect.

Ilovemyrednosedaymug. I just told him not to worry that i intend to pay his mate for the car and he took it as a threat

So hes just texted and said stop poking me when i told him hes upset me

“He said we were together.”

How often did you meet up with him?

Why have you not blocked him?

Why are you paying for his car?!